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Having kids...I think...

(15 Posts)
Duck123 Fri 26-May-17 02:00:45

Started the 'let's have kids' conversation with DH about a year ago. It was met with hesitation and a bunch of requests of things we should do before kids (as expected).

Anyway, we set about achieving those things and we revisited the conversation every few months, but each time he seemed to have more 'things' or worries.
About 5 months ago I came off the pill because I'd read that it could take many months to get it out of your system. This was all talked about with DH and he agreed and we have been using condoms without fail since.

Suddenly, the condoms have gone (in the last week) and not through my doing...he's just stopped reaching for them, without talking to me about it, and it's not that he's forgotten or anything - it's clearly a conscious choice. So for the last week we've basically been practicing the 'pull out' method - I'm not sure if this is a protection choice because it's a preference of his to...finish in places other than inside of me (sorry if tmi).
But he's not dumb, although it's a drastically reduced chance, there is a chance of pregnancy using that method.

Anyway, so I don't know whether to bring it up or even how to bring it up...or just to let this carry on naturally...maybe this is just his way of warming up to the idea?

No idea. Advise would be appreciated.

PhoenixJasmine Fri 26-May-17 02:07:49

"So, husband, how are you feeling about us creating a child together?"

Should do it.

Picklepickle123 Fri 26-May-17 02:10:59

You should definitely talk to him. He may not be dumb, but he could be getting lazy/carried away and not thinking about things in the heat of the moment. I guess what I'm trying to say is that he needs to be making a conscious choice to ttc.

Best of luck!

annandale Fri 26-May-17 02:19:15

'I'm due on in the next few days but I guess with what we've been doing I could be pregnant, how would you feel about that?'

PhilTheSahd Fri 26-May-17 02:58:06

Please talk to him about it in a non-sexual and non - romantic setting. From my own similar experience from male side, it may be that his heart is ready and eager but his brain and/or wallet isn't quite there yet- in other words he may be feeling broody and enjoying the rose tinted idea of you having a kid together, but also worries in his mind about things like if he'll make a good dad, if you can afford kids, practical things like space in house for them, impact on careers for you both. It might just be jitters/silly doubts, or it might be more substantial.

user1486956786 Fri 26-May-17 03:14:50

Definitely just ask. Baby is too big decision for guessong games. Exciting if he is ready though :-))))

Winniethepooer Fri 26-May-17 04:00:25

Seriously? You need to talk.

This is too big & life changing not to.

NotYoda Fri 26-May-17 06:00:34

He's been ambivalent and I think that's pretty normal. He's giving you strong signs that he's willing to risk it, but you definitely need to confirm this verbally, as others have said.

DH was a bit like this, as Phil said

usernoidea Fri 26-May-17 06:54:55

If you don't know how to talk to him about having kids then you shouldn't be having kids !!!

thethoughtfox Fri 26-May-17 10:37:25

Please don't take a man's irresponsible sexual behaviour to mean tacit agreement to have a child with you. He knows how much you want a child, if he wanted it too, why wouldn't he tell you? If you guys are not having proper conversations about this, you are not ready to have a child together. There are a lots of threads on here where a couple using this method get pregnant and the man is angry and asks for an abortion and/ or accusing the woman of trapping him. Sometimes they stay together and this bubbles up years later.

CowParsleyNettle Fri 26-May-17 10:41:57

DH: We're running low on condoms.
Me: I think we should start trying for another baby.
DH: Ok then

And thus no.2 was conceived.

That's how it worked in our house brew

MissBax Fri 26-May-17 13:20:18

If you aren't able to talk about having kids with him then you certainly shouldn't be thinking of doing so. I'd just say something like "so I take it you're ready to start trying then" given no longer using protection!

GoodEyebrowDay Fri 26-May-17 13:26:38

👆🏻 this

Arealhumanbeing Fri 26-May-17 17:17:50

Ask him if he's trying to get you pregnant and remind him of the very real possibility of that without contraception.

Also, Don't have kids with someone who doesn't want them. Husband or not.

Duck123 Fri 26-May-17 17:20:34

Okay, thank you for all your comments - helped me see clearly! It is very out of character as we've talked about it a lot over the last few months, so you're all right, I definitely need to keep talking to him about it.

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