I'm not sure womaniser is the right word. Player? Lothario?
I had been seeing a man on and off for a long time. Three years. He is one of those charming men that tell you everything you want to hear in the moment. I fell head over heels. He was never serious about me and we never really integrated into each others lives - just saw each other on dates one on one.
Just before I finally decided I couldn't cope with the pain of loving someone who didn't love me back, we went out with a group including a close female friend of mine. He was really flirting with her and when we said goodbye he went to give her a kiss on the cheek and slid his hand the full lenght of her bare arm (she was wearing a sleveless vest). It was unmistakenly erotic and painful to watch.
I have since (not to do with that - what provoked it was unrelated shoddy treatment of me) "broken up" with him and we aren't in contact - that was 3 months ago and I haven't spoken to him in that time.
YET - I can't seem to get over him and keep torturing myself imagining him having sex with my friend. I realise that even if he'd been properly my bf I'd have never felt secure but it makes me really sad that I was never enough for him. I feel like my friend might very well fuck him for her own reasons and the thought of it breaks my heart.
Last night I dreamt we were having a party together (as a couple) in a very fabulous Beverly Hills type house, it was the first party we'd had as a couple. I was standing on a balcony and watched him crouch down next to a random woman who was sitting with her legs crossed. In the dream, he was just chatting to her but slid his hand up her leg and I Knew he was fucking her. I woke up feeling as if it was real and I could barely breath.
It's over and I don't want to go back as I know he doesn't love me -but I feel like he and his womising has destroyed something in me. Some sort of internal self confidence. I am torturing myself mentally over and over (even in my dreams) about me not being good enough, attractive enough, and him sleeping with my friend and other women.
Is there anything I can do to get over it faster? What has he done to my head? I never used to be like this.
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Relationships
Coping with the fall out from a womaniser
stompingonthinice · 25/05/2017 23:07
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