Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

How do you get over the smear campaign from ex partner

(5 Posts)
Purplepinkstone Thu 25-May-17 21:46:57

I have another thread open in Legal Matters

After years of abuse from my child's father and ending the "relationship" almost 9 years ago, I've just had enough of the lies.

I've used every stragety under the sun i.e grey rock (not responding to abuser), telling people about his lies/behaviour, lying low and trying to focus on what's important. We have a child together nad he is CONSTANTLY lying and causing trouble. I've had him arrested on multiple occasions he has been convicted of assaults against me, he has been investigated by social services. He just doesn't stop. he has turned people against me with lies (which I consider a good thing as they must be idiots to believe his BS). He is obsessive.

He has mental health issues (and an incredibly low IQ smile) amongst other things.

He's family are absolutely disfunctuonal and will do anything to keep his behaviour unseen. They go along with his lies and even help him spread lies. I know this for fact it's not just speculation.

He always trips himself up in the end because he is delusional. But recently it's really pissing me off again.

He won't get better and he's deeply unhappy and always will be. That makes me smile halo

I'd love to know who's dealt with a plank like this and how you coped?

theoldtrout01876 Sun 28-May-17 23:56:17

I did. Still do to a certain extent though my kids are older now.

I got a restraining order initially and kept it in place for 5 years. The other stuff I totally ignored. If the lies were believed then the person believing them didnt really know me so was no loss when I cut them out.

His family I cut out totally, they hated me anyways, so again couldnt care what they thought.

The kids, I just explained to them that he was broken, still loved them but didnt function like everyone else. That worked till they were able to see what he was for themselves and deal accordingly.

I have been divorced for 14 years and he still causes me problems. Apart from when he drags me back to court every couple of years, I have not seen or spoken to him in 12 years.

I give zero fucks these days what him or any of his friends think. I do remember the frustration of the early days and feeling I had to do something as what he was spouting was lies and I looked bad. I came to the realization that it didnt matter what these people thought of me, so long as my kids loved me and didnt buy into them I couldnt care less. It was hard at the time though.

HirplesWithHaggis Mon 29-May-17 00:00:27

Can you move away? Not a million miles away, but it sounds like you live in a small town where everyone knows everyone and their granny. Even a different housing estate might help, while not cutting you off from support networks.

BecksTheo34 Mon 29-May-17 00:11:02

I am in the same situation.
No contact all the way. It's hard with children involved but my LO is young enough to not remember (3 months).
I've had all of the above with him and his behaviour. Social services advised me to keep a log and write down every time he finds a new way to contact. Ignore everything but just write it all down. I moved away 3 times and he found me each time. I offered him set days with his son and then offered contact with drug tests and he refused. Narcissistic people do not care about anyone else but themselves, even their children. He will use and abuse like he has with you.
I am a single mum now and finding it hard to come to terms that he just will never change. But that is the reality. And no contact is a must. It's only been 3 weeks for me since last contact , but I'm getting stronger everyday. Is he on the birth certificate? Ignore his flying monkeys who want to cause trouble and talk rubbish they are as daft as him. Cut from the same cloth.
What I would give to have a decent man who actually cared for his child!

Purplepinkstone Sun 11-Jun-17 21:05:43

Oldtrout-your reply gives me hope, thank you. I agree that the people who go along with the lies aren't worth it. They enjoy the drama and have there own issues. Sometimes I don't care what he's lying about but other times it just infuriates me.

He was investigated by social services and tells people that I was, not him.he literally projects everything he does onto me. They are crazy people. He is lying to the school also, they get the measure of him but it's been difficult. he will never be happy and knowing this gives me a twisted sense of happinesssmile

Haggis - I don't live on a housing estate, I try to keep my address from him but he's completely obsessed. I don't think it'd help to move, unfortunately.

Becks- I'm sorry you're dealing with a Narc, too. I'm thinking of getting ss involved again as he's not improved at all since his they last investigated him. they advised me to keep him away from my child which I've done but it's still tricky. He's living with a child presently and knowing him, has most probably been investigated again by ss.

I'm now No Contact with him as that's the only way to deal with him and it feels good! He is unfortunately on the birth certificate. Flying monkeys: what a bunch of idiots! I've really seen how weak and low people can be whilst dealing with all of this.

You sound like you have and are doing all the right things. Thank god your children have you.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now