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Can't move past anger at being dumped by "best friend"

(6 Posts)
LalaLeona Thu 25-May-17 20:34:48

Hi all, just after a bit of advice really, never experienced anything like this and I'm in my late 30s! Have been friends with a lady who is also a work colleague for over 10 years. We both fell pregnant at the same time and our children were friends etc we were very close. She used to say I was like her sister. When my friend was first pregnant she and her husband were living at her mum's supposedly saving to move out. This was 10 years ago and they are still there along with her son who shares a bedroom with them. It is my belief that my friend became more and more bitter as time went on due to not being able to move on and out of her mum's. She is literally so scared of change she won't do anything about her life but was constantly moaning and down about it. I have helped her so many times over the years driven us to different places for fun days out to cheer her up taken her family on holiday with us for nothing..all kinds. We were close I think too because we both had an only child. Fast forward to 2015 and I inherited some money unexpectedly and was able to move to a bigger house, I also got pregnant. My friend was so negative about me being pregnant ie trying to put me off, being unsupportive, distancing herself from me slightly..she went through the motions as we work together too..doing a collection for the baby..all the while ringing me less and less and basically ignoring me at work. I had the baby and suffered with very bad pnd and was a bit quiet for a while, she then started blatantly dropping me. Ignoring my texts for ages before replying acting as though she was too busy to talk to me, cancelling when we were due to meet up. Time passed and she stopped talking to me completely. I was due to come back to work after maternity leave and was dreading seeing her as it felt so awkward. I texted asking to clear the air and she didn't reply. My first day back at work was awful she blanked me and a few other members of staff didn't even make eye contact so I don't know what she'd said about me. I have tried to ignore her and just be extra nice to everyone but she is constantly trying to turn people against me. I confronted her at work and she just blamed me and played the victim refusing to even talk about it. I just feel so angry with her when I see her, feel like slapping her! And trust me I am not that sort of person ordinarily! I've decided to hand my notice in at work so I can move on, but I feel so sad like she has beaten me, and don't know how to get over this sadness and's a horrible feeling! Sorry this is so long thanks for reading!

JollySmelly Thu 25-May-17 21:39:07

It's very sad when this happens. I know - been there. It hurts. But she's made her decision for reasons you don't and won't know. She sounds a little unbalanced to me and you can't argue with someone like that.
I think you're doing the right thing moving on - but don't see it as her 'beating you' - it's just a progression in your life which will lift the tension and leave you happier in the long run.

75yasmin Thu 25-May-17 22:03:20

Do you enjoy your job? If yes, than don't hand in your notice. Why are you leaving your job because of someone else?
It does sound like she is jealous but that's her problem not yours. You have done nothing wrong.

Ellisandra Thu 25-May-17 22:12:53

Unless you have a bigger better job lined up, I wouldn't give in your notice!

thefourgp Thu 25-May-17 22:21:17

I agree with Jollysmelly. I've been in a similar situation. It's horrible knowing someone who was so close to you is saying awful things about you to others. They all think badly of you and keep their distance and you can't defend yourself because you've no idea what's been said. I think long term you're making the right decision to leave your job and move on. She's not beaten you. You're moving on and progressing with your life. You'll be happier without this negative person being around. It's a bit like going through a divorce. You have to keep your head up high. The anger will fade. Xx

AndTheBandPlayedOn Fri 26-May-17 15:42:08

"Best friends". You acted as a friend to her, but she never really acted as a friend to you. It sounds so one sided from your post that you are a generous giver and she is a taker...But she consistently failed to reciprocate. She is two-faced. You did notice this, but then dropped the rope in processing what that actually meant: she was not a friend to you. It kind of needs to be a two way street sort of dynamic, just wanting it doesn't make it so.

I know it hurts and that it is hard to not be emotionally flooded every time you see her at work. Please stop trying to talk to her. At this point, would you actually want to be friends with her again? So she could do this to you again? Nope.

Knowing that, gives you the perspective and context to put your history in the past so you can recover (make your peace within yourself with what happened-it was her, not you) and reach a point of complete indifference towards her. Professional polite civility and nothing more. Be oblivious to her efforts with other people...unless it has gotten to a level for a report to HR.

Changing jobs is an option, but do not dump your income stream because of her. Find a new position while still employed for your professional advancement (not because of her-do not give her that power). She is a petty emotional vampire and others can probably see right through her...even though they may act in a way to not choose sides because they don't want to be her next target. Has she done this to someone before you?

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