Our 2nd family runaround car was written off by an uninsured driver. We agreed to sit down and discuss claiming on the insurance Vs not claiming and taking on debt to replace the car or getting a salary sacrifice scheme rented car through work. I was leaning towards claiming and, he was leaning towards not claiming, but no decision was made and he promised to wait until we had an offer from the insurance company before sitting down and looking at our options.
Today DH went to a friends house and took the decision to go out and buy a new car with his friend knowing full well I wouldn't be happy. We are not a family that can easily afford to just go and buy a car - we budget fairly tightly due to having two young DDs in nursery.
We have (had?!) a marriage where we share bank accounts and finances completely and we have never taken decisions like this without discussing them fully with eachother. Often I have taken the lead financially (eg looking into mortgages, sorting monthly incomings/outgoings etc ) as I tend to have a better head for figures, but everything has always been discussed and agreed. I'm realing now that he had gone and done this. I feel betrayed and like the trust has been damaged, I'm shaking right now I am so so angry.
He had made some half arsed agreement with his friend over lending the money - nothing in writing, no repayment plan agreed. I barely know this friend and whilst he comes across as nice I thinks is really odd that he is taking such an interest in our family. He has been very insistent in getting my DH to accept this loan and at one point was saying it was a gift. I feel very uneasy about the whole thing and have made this clear to my DH but he chose to ignore this. I keep hearing that "Mark" (not his real name) thinks claiming will effect our insurance premiums too much, Mark says DH will have to start again with his no claims, Mark's feelings will be hurt if I don't accept this gift/loan, Mark doesn't want us to be without a car, Mark doesn't want us to line the pockets of the insurance company. Who the fuck is Mark, and why do his opinions matter more than mine?! I am blaming my DH here not Mark, but AIBU to feel a bit weird about Mark's sudden influence on my DH?
DH accepts that I have a right to get angry but says I just have to get over it. It was the "best decision for our family" (irrelevent) and as the policy was in his name it was his decision. My argument is that it effects the family's finances for the next 2 years or so therfore a family decision.
I know compared to some this is a minor problem but it has massively shocked me as we don't have the sort of marriage where we break promises and go behind eachother backs. I feel so angry and betrayed. I have no idea where to go from here
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Relationships
DH made a financial decision without me
Raisinsaretoddlercrack · 25/05/2017 20:17
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