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Abusive men

(8 Posts)
isitjustme2017 Thu 25-May-17 18:25:36

I seriously think there should be some sort of register for these men. I'm about to split with my DP of 16 years who is an a-hole but am SO worried I might meet another one. There seem to be a lot out there..... They always seem so nice at the beginning. Its put me off men for life!

Fluffybrain Thu 25-May-17 18:42:38

I was put off men for life by 2 abusive assholes. But then I met my DH. He is the opposite of abusive if there is such a thing. You need to review red flags. Look at a mans relationship with his mum and how he talks about his Ex's etc. This was a green flag for me.

LuluLovesFruitcakes Thu 25-May-17 18:48:08

See if you can get in touch with your local domestic abuse support service and ask about getting on a freedom programme, the more you learn about abuse the easier it becomes to spot.

I also bought a book "Jerk radar" by Stephen McCrea which I think is really good at highlight early warning signs. flowers

isitjustme2017 Thu 25-May-17 20:31:19

Jerk radar sounds great!!

Purplepinkstone Thu 25-May-17 20:44:20

The damage these people cause is incredible. They literally cause problems for most people who are close to them. Now that you have experienced one of these dicks you will become better at identifying them. It gets better, honey. Also don't rush into another relationship just yet

Purplepinkstone Thu 25-May-17 20:48:56

Fluffybrain is right, listen to how they talk about their ex's. My ex has said all of his ex's were mentally ill hmm wow, how unlucky!

well they must've been to date him...

isitjustme2017 Thu 25-May-17 20:52:54

I won't be going near another man for a long time. My stbxp never really slagged off his ex. He did have a weird relationship with his mother though!!! When I look back he was odd from the start but I fancied him that much I ignored it..... lesson learned.

LuluLovesFruitcakes Fri 26-May-17 10:23:15

Even seeming really sad that the old relationship "hasn't worked out how I'd hoped" if coupled with other warning signs, can become a sign.
being aggressive generally, even to men down the pub or road rage could be an indication.

Checking up on you, mine used to walk me to and meet me from work which at first I though was so lovely, but actually he was just keeping tabs on me.

Subtle changes to what you wear or how you look. In the beginning mine would make little comments about what I should wear. If we went anywhere with his friends or family he'd choose my outfit because "so and so is a bit of a perv" or he would make sly put downs about how this one outfit made me look fat, or this one pair of shoes made me feet look funny. Or he'd make it clear what his preference was and I'd dress that way to make him happy.

Also seeing how they are when they're drunk, drink doesn't make a person abusive but it lowers the inhibitions that would usually keep that abusive side from coming out in public.

And irrational jealousy. That's a fairly easy one, if they tense or display displeasure at you talking to someone of the opposite sex. And for any reason. There's nothing wrong with having male colleagues, friends or acquaintances.

stuff like that can all be indicators of a potential abuser x

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