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AIBU with my mentally ill friend?

(13 Posts)
owltrousers Thu 25-May-17 12:41:49

Hello everyone.

I recently moved to an area with my husband and we've just been settling in over the past year. We made friends with a couple and the woman and I met up a few times for dinner and drinks and we've also met them for double dates, bbq's all sorts. The woman has never shied away from discussing her mental illnesses - she has bipolar, bulimia and other anxiety disorders. I have often been a shoulder to cry on and we have texted long into the night sometimes about quite personal worries. I asked her to help out with the decorating at my wedding as she is very creative and she did a great job. Her husband was actually our wedding photographer.

I notice that they (unlike us) have a LOT of other friends and are constantly out drinking and socialising. We also noticed that we are the ones always doing the inviting... to our house, to a club night, to a gathering... They never suggest anything to us or invite us anywhere.

One night, we hadn't seem them for ages and I noticed a post come up on facebook - they were at the pub right by our house, but hadn't invited us. This niggled me a little bit. Me and DH decided to hang back a little and see if they took the hint and invited us somewhere for once. They didn't of course and we didn't speak for a few months.

Out of the blue we bump into them when out for DH's birthday, they sit with us for 1 drink and then go home - all was well. The next month we are going to a local beer festival and it turns out they are going too, I suggest we all sit together and the couple agree.

On the night, we get into the festival and the couple sit on our table with one of their other friends, the woman is V quiet (unlike her) and keeps wondering off. She is also completely ignoring DH so obviously its getting awkward. I go over to her when she's alone queuing for food and ask whats wrong. She says that when she met up with us for DH's birthday drink she 'overheard' us commenting on how she had not lost any weight and apparently we were gesturing 'fat' gestures with our hands and faces. This is a downright lie! DH and I would never say anything of the sort, I am dead against body shaming of any kind plus we were out for his birthday hardly the time to start bad mouthing our (only) friends.

I start explaining to the woman that this is not true, that she is my friend and that we would not say anything of the sort about her. She kind of walks out muttering 'sorry.' I am upset and tell DH what's happened, at this point he also starts repeating basically everything I've said... that it was his bday, we were in good spirits and that we'd never say that.

We all get a bit upset and decide its time to part ways as no one was backing down here. Me and DH go home completely puzzled and figure this girl needs some space and maybe she'll come to her senses.

I didn't hear anything from her for months and I didn't contact her either, then yesterday I notice she's blocked me on facebook, twitter, instagram and also sent me a message saying "Tired of passive aggressive BS and the awkwardness of it all" so I'm like... um ok?

I text her to ask why she's blocked me and she starts talking about the time she "overheard" DS and I and how she understands that 'all couples talk in secret ways about thier friends' - she obviously doesn't believe she is wrong about this.

Lots of texts to and fro basically explainging that she's my friend and we did not say anything mean about her weight that night. Its almost at the point where I've considered saying "Yeah, we did say that I'm truly sorry" just because that will draw a line under it, but its not true and I don't want to back down here because DH and I are good people, not people that call our friends fat.

Today she's unblocked me and is liking things I post. I'm so confused.

Carolinethebrave Thu 25-May-17 12:44:26

Why would you want to be friends with her? I'd leave it personally

Carolinethebrave Thu 25-May-17 12:46:11

Should have said that I cant see you're getting a lot out of the friendship and they've made very little effort with you. She confronted you, you denied it, she should have either accepted that or not and moved on. To go to the effort of blocking and unblocking, hmm.

owltrousers Thu 25-May-17 12:50:13

Thanks @Carolinethebrave its all a bit much really. I think its just that they were the first friends we made here and very involved in our wedding we feel like we should hold onto them. But you're right - we're not getting much out of it.

user1486956786 Thu 25-May-17 12:50:45

You remind me of me... I have 'friends' who in reality I am probably really tolerating because I am in a new area and it's all I've got. I'd leave things now on a good note and focus on meeting more like minded friends

user1486956786 Thu 25-May-17 12:52:02

I just saw your other comment. My very first friend is absolute nutter and I've managed to make our friendship less intense and more casual. I definitely always feel some love and loyalty to her as she was my only friend for so long

Fluffybrain Thu 25-May-17 18:35:48

She's too much. I would back away.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties Thu 25-May-17 18:48:14

I would pull back from this friendship. Your friend has a lot of mental health issues which seem to have caused her paranoia in social situations. She is not being rational at all.

I think you've been kind and understanding in the face of her accusations. Aim to be civil and friendly when you see her locally but I would avoid getting too involved in an intense friendship.

LucieLucie Thu 25-May-17 23:54:26

Leave it now, this woman is clearly unstable and I'd be very worried about what allegations she would make next.

JustAnotherPoster00 Thu 25-May-17 23:58:56

Sounds like she has BPD OP, the ones Ive had in my life do that a lot, the constant idiolisation and demonisation over often imagined stuff, best bet is to back away, the friendship will always be like that

LellyMcKelly Fri 26-May-17 00:27:59

She has a lot of problems. If her conditions aren't well managed then for your own sake you should let her go.

ClemDanfango Fri 26-May-17 00:30:22

She's not your friend, she's a mind fucker. Don't play her games.

Fluffypinkpyjamas Fri 26-May-17 00:45:08

Ugh I was drained by just reading about her. I seriously would see it as a blessing if she stopped speaking to me. She sounds dreadful. Never shies away or just enjoys the attention re her alleged MH?

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