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Is my relationship with DD unhealthy?

(18 Posts)
FlyingSoloFlyingFree Thu 25-May-17 08:29:57

In the process of separation and sadly it's turned nasty sad. One of the accusations H has made is that my relationship with teen DD is not healthy, mainly I think because he's jealous that we're close.

I can't see that there's anything wierd though - we get on really well and spend a fair amount of time together but she's also got a boyfriend and loads of mates she sees, half the time I'm with her it's in the capacity of taxi service! We talk a fair bit and she does tell me stuff but not anything inappropriate, just the usual school/mates/boys/life kind of thing. We're very relaxed physically by which I mean I hug her and neither of us is that fussed about nudity (not nude hugging I should point out) so again I don't see anything wrong.

I am paranoid though as my parents split up when I was a similar age and my relationship with DM has been tricky - she thinks we're closer than we really are and has a tendency to lean on me. My worst fear is my relationship with DD going a similar way so I think H is playing on this to hit me where it hurts but it's unsettled me a bit.

What would you count as 'unhealthy' in a relationship like ours? Does it sound as though it is?

Smudddle Thu 25-May-17 08:32:49

Sounds like a lovely relationship

Justmadeperfectflapjacks Thu 25-May-17 08:33:17

The only unhealthy part of your life is the crap you hear from your stbexh.
You sound like a fab dm with a fab dd. A credit to you most likely - not him!!

LizzieMacQueen Thu 25-May-17 08:35:20

What other children do you have - how's your relationship with them?

(but yes, sounds like jealousy)

FlyingSoloFlyingFree Thu 25-May-17 08:41:24

Just DD which perhaps accounts for our closeness. I admit I've found it tricky at times watching her grow and knowing that inevitably she'll move on at some stage. But I've accepted this and will do anything I can to maintain our good relationship without stifling her. Sadly it's paryly her not being around so much that has highlighted the flaws in my relationship with H sad.

n0ne Thu 25-May-17 08:50:26

I don't get what's unhealthy from what you've described, at all.

hazeydays14 Thu 25-May-17 08:53:04

Sounds like the relationship I have with my Mam which is a lovely one smile though I'm not a teen anymore

I kiss my Mam goodbye when I leave, hug her. If we're getting ready for a night out or whatever I change in her room because she's got more mirrors and make-up than me.

My parents split when I was about 17 and I moved out at 18 to go to uni. I'm closer to my Mam than ever before and seeing her stand on her own feet and work hard for the best life for her and my sister has made our relationship pretty solid.

pointythings Thu 25-May-17 09:51:16

You are describing my relationship with my DDs. Which is close and healthy and which my DH appreciates. Because he is not a dick. You sound like a great mum and your stbxh has not got a leg to stand on.

FlyingSoloFlyingFree Thu 25-May-17 11:17:08

Thank you all, I feel better for reading your comments. Hazey that's exactly how I hope my DD will feel about me in years to come.

Ratatatouille Thu 25-May-17 11:21:03

Well he's a prick. Maybe if he focused on his relationships with people then he wouldn't be getting divorced. Just a hunch!

FlyingSoloFlyingFree Thu 25-May-17 12:59:44

You have no idea how true that is grin

Oly5 Thu 25-May-17 13:02:00

Sounds like a lovely mother-daughter relationship. Maybe he should worry about the kind of relationship he has with his daughter instead of criticising yours

fuzzywuzzy Thu 25-May-17 13:05:57

Another vote for it sounds like you have a lovely close relationship with your DD.

I'm like this with my DD's too, I want them to feel they can come and talk to me, and be able to hug me and know they are very loved. As for nudity so long as everyone's fine with it I don't see a problem there either, why would you want to create some odd hang up? My DD's see me naked, getting changed etc and nobody has a problem with it, why would they?

It's your STXH who's the one with the problem.

AndTheBandPlayedOn Thu 25-May-17 13:38:55

I don't see anything wrong here either. You have an honest and authentic communication style with your dd that is fundamental to a solid emotional bond. Well done.

What other accusations has he made?

PaperdollCartoon Thu 25-May-17 13:41:24

Me and my mum are close. I even tell her the inappropriate stuff! She's my best mate. A therapist once said our relationship was co-dependent, but I think they were just confused a teenager confided so much in their mum. We don't even speak every day and I've moved half an hour drive away. I go round at least one evening a fortnight.

Don't worry about it, your STBXH sounds jealous.

Northernparent68 Thu 25-May-17 17:09:50

Maybe your husband means there's no room for him, or that he feels pushed out. It's lovely you and your daughter are close but does your relationship exclude your husband ?

fuzzywuzzy Thu 25-May-17 17:21:58

Shouldn't he then be trying to build on his relationship with their daughter instead of undermining op's relationship with her?

FlyingSoloFlyingFree Thu 25-May-17 19:31:07

I do think you've got a point Northern but he's a very low key kind of person so their relationship tends to be that way - they get on well but he's never been as openly affectionate with her as I am. Nothing wrong with either way but I think as a result I am closer with her than he is. I'd prefer that wasn't the case - would like them to have a good relationship and hope they can.

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