Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.
Letter to my husband?How does this sound?(2 Posts)
As per my previous post I am not happy in my marriage and haven't been for such a long time. I have been in a relationship with him since I was 16 and 14 years later I'm fed up. I have spoke to him a few times but he just wants to bury his head in the sand. I thought by writing him the below letter I can say things I wouldn't normally say to him in the hope it'll sink in a bit clearer and also he'll maybe realise I am serious. Can you let me know what you think and please be kind!
I’m writing a letter to you because I just can’t come out and say what I want to say to your face. I never in my life wanted to hurt you or for things to go the way they are but I can’t carry on anymore. I could go on and go over every issue we’ve ever had and the things that have got us to this point. But there is no reason doing that as we can’t change the past and we can’t change what’s happening now.
You have an idea of how I’m feeling from our conversations previously over the past however many years. I do feel though that you want to ignore how I’m feeling and just hope I carry on as things are. But as I said a fortnight ago I feel like I am just pretending and living a lie. Every time I do this I feel like I die a little inside. I just feel numb and it is so hard to explain exactly how I feel.
I do wish I still loved you the way I did because even though it’s never really been easy I was happy because regardless of what you did or said I worshipped the ground you walked on. Unfortunately incidents/stresses over time has eroded this and although I’ll always care for you as the father of my children I’m not sure we can ever get back to what it was.
You have changed a lot since Christmas and you are trying hard to help more with the kids and not be out the house as much. But it’s too little and too late in terms of how I feel. Since our talk a fortnight ago you haven’t been at work until this Monday and once upon a time I would’ve been over the moon but at the minute I hate it.
I am prepared to still try counselling and do whatever it takes to try and make it work but I can’t do that in the current situation because at the minute I just resent you being here. I want to have a trial separation while we go to counselling and see what happens further down the line. I cannot carry on like this as I’m fucking miserable. I know you said you love me and will do anything to make me happy and at the minute time apart will help that.
My main concern is the kids but they don’t usually ask a lot of questions and just assume you’re working but we will talk to them when the times right and explain the situation. The kids are my main concern and no matter what happens they need to be the number one priority for both of us. Any decisions we make need to happen with them in mind. They are our kids whatever happens and they love us both.
Come and talk to me once you’ve read this and digested it and we’ll see where we go from here. I cannot continue the way it is and if it does I can only see it will end up as a permanent split as that is where my mind is right now.
I could have written a letter similar to this a short while ago. I decided not to as once things are written down and said like that, they can never be unsaid.
I insisted that DH come to counselling with me and he agreed. If he had not, I would have had to end the relationship. We have had two sessions so far and, although it is not at all easy, we are improving things.
I am still not feeling great about it. I'm being very careful and selective at the moment about what I say in counselling, so not sure it's going to help long term, but I'm glad I'm trying this first. For me, I think a letter could have been ignored or dismissed. Face to face contact with support can't, so easily.
Good luck with what you decide.
Join the discussion
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Register now
Already registered with Mumsnet? Log in to leave your comment or alternatively, sign in with Facebook or Google.
Please login first.