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I just found porn in DH's internet history

(42 Posts)
TheWhiteWolf Wed 24-May-17 23:02:22

The title says it all really.

I am using his laptop tonight to spruce up my cv. Went to copy and paste a sentence using Ctrl + V, however I mustn't have copied properly as what was pasted was a link from pornhub!

A quick look through his browsing history shows more of the same, it's not a daily occurrence maybe once every couple of weeks.

I will have to speak to him about it, I know that. I will do it tomorrow.

In the meantime I don't really know what to make of it. I know some people view this as really bad and almost as bad as cheating, I don't think I'm there but I'm also very very not happy about it either.

Krispiesquare Wed 24-May-17 23:08:50

Try to think what your views are on him masturbating to porn without your knowledge are without getting wrapped up in the hysteria of some of the responses that may follow.

It's a personal view so try to decide without any influence for now.

PastoralCare Wed 24-May-17 23:16:45

-What ? A man watching porn?-

-Surely it's the end of the world.-

You have two paths:

one is to go to war and judge him for the pitiful creature he is

two is to engage, try to understand why he likes it, see if you can get into it and use it as just another way to spice up your evenings, but if not, then say you are uncomfortable and you need to find ways to keep it to himself.

MsWanaBanana Wed 24-May-17 23:20:27

It's porn. He's not actually cheating. I thought all men watch porn?!?

sooperdooper Wed 24-May-17 23:22:12

Not something I'd get worked up about unless your sex life is an issue and he's watching porn instead of having sex with you - otherwise for me it's not an issue

Saharah Wed 24-May-17 23:25:42

If I saw legal mainstream plrn on my DHs internet history I wouldn't mention it to him. He's an adult and is perfectly entitled to watch it without me attempting to shame him about it.

Empireoftheclouds Wed 24-May-17 23:26:09

You haven't said what your issue is.

ilovepixie Wed 24-May-17 23:28:40

I though everyone watched porn?

AssassinatedBeauty Wed 24-May-17 23:30:39

You don't have to accept porn use as inevitable and make yourself go along with it. You also don't have to shame him/judge him/go to war.

Can you explain to him what your issue is with using porn and discuss it with him?

Tannyfastic Wed 24-May-17 23:31:47

Yes, everyone.
From as soon as they can access it until they die, without exception.
And if you don't like it, something is wrong with you.
Every one loves watching someone else's mank get pounded.
Don't they??

chestylarue52 Wed 24-May-17 23:33:15

someone else's mank get pounded

Wow.

Tannyfastic Wed 24-May-17 23:35:14

I think viewing it is worse, much, than typing it.
Vile misogynistic shit.

TheWhiteWolf Wed 24-May-17 23:42:42

I've no desire to shame or judge him for it. As I said I'm my first post I'm not happy about it but i don't think it's the end of the world.

We have got issues in our sex life though. We gradually stopped having as much sex over the course of about a year until we basically stopped altogether.

I've tried countless times to talk to him and get him to come to counselling with me but he's never really wanted to talk to me about things.

I guess I was just surprised as I didn't expect it

HildaOg Wed 24-May-17 23:46:01

Most men watch porn. Discuss it by all means but don't make a big deal about it. Just talk to him.

Cheesybiscuits756 Wed 24-May-17 23:47:19

Unless it's child porn give the man a break!
I mean really do you have to sit him down and talk to him? He's not your child who you've walked in on wanting over a dirty mag.hmm

I will never understand anyone who gets upset over porn, unless it's taking over your sex life get over it, or join in watching it with him who knows it might be fun.

PastoralCare Wed 24-May-17 23:50:38

We have got issues in our sex life though. We gradually stopped having as much sex over the course of about a year until we basically stopped altogether.

Well then it's even less surprising.

GlitterGlassEye Wed 24-May-17 23:51:50

Most (all really, probs 99.99%) men watch porn.

So do lots of women. I do.

Me & dp watch it together on occasion. Fun times smile.

WaitingYetAgain Wed 24-May-17 23:52:42

I don't mind porn but I would have talked to my BF or partner at the beginning of the relationship to discuss how I felt about it. It sounds as if you never set out your position on this or established his position on it.

Anyway this...

We have got issues in our sex life though. We gradually stopped having as much sex over the course of about a year until we basically stopped altogether. I've tried countless times to talk to him and get him to come to counselling with me but he's never really wanted to talk to me about things.

Is a bigger problem than porn viewing every couple of weeks. Are you sure he is only viewing it with that frequency?

My friend had the same thing happen including the 'not willing to talk about it or deal with it part'.

Are you in your 20s, 30s, 40s...?

Kateallison16 Thu 25-May-17 00:00:45

You need to seperate your feelings here I think, you both not having sex doesnt automatically mean porn is to blame. If you arent having sex he is most likely looking for a release.

Its up to him what he chooses to watch and do. He is his own person. I think settle down and ask yourself, what is the problem?
Do you disagree with porn because of exploitation? Are you jealous of him getting turned on by other women?

Porn doesnt have to be these devastating thing. Work out why you are upset and approach the situation with a clear mind.
Hes not a naughty child who needs a telling off.

MVLipwig Thu 25-May-17 00:02:28

He's only want watching every couple of weeks by your reckoning, I highly doubt that's the root of your sexual issues

TheWhiteWolf Thu 25-May-17 00:15:45

We're in our 30s.

Re the frequency I'm not sure. He has other devices he could use to watch (phone/ipad) but I'm not going to start snooping around on them. I know he's not some naughty child who needs telling off and I've no desire to do so, or to make this in to a huge deal.

If we were having as much sex as we used to then I don't think I'd be bothered about the porn at all really.

SandyY2K Thu 25-May-17 00:20:20

People are entitled to watch what they want, as far as it's legal IMO.

The issue for me would be that it affects your sexual relationship.

Apart from that, surely what he watches is up to him.

sooperdooper Thu 25-May-17 07:52:37

You've not said the reason your sex life has dropped off - I think if he's withdrawn from wanting sex but is replacing it with porn then that's an issue worth discussing

Equally, if you're the one who's gone off sex, so he's taken to watching it instead then that's understandable tbh - but again is something you could talk about

histinyhandsarefrozen Thu 25-May-17 08:05:06

How people come out with absolute shit like 99.99 % of men watch porn, I will never know.

Maybe they are very young as well as stupid?

Op, I would be right pissed off if I had no sex life and my partner was watching porn instead. How did you get to this situation?

picklemepopcorn Thu 25-May-17 08:35:28

Some groups of men all watch porn.

Many many maybe even most, do not.

It's a sad world that the rates of watching porn among young people are so much higher than they used to be, because of Internet.

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