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Change in DH behaviour

(34 Posts)
Inthebeergarden Wed 24-May-17 12:19:32

Been with DH for many years, 3 Dc and lucky enough to be a SAHM. He has always done his own thing and so have I, different hobbies, friends and interests.
Our levels of intimacy have always been up and down especially when the DC were younger.
Over the last six months he has really been pushing for more romance, affection and intimacy. This is all really nice but seems to be a massive change and I don't know how to handle it. Has anyone else had any experience of this? I am so used to curling up on the sofa with a book but now he wants to leap into bed at any given opportunity-why?

FetchezLaVache Wed 24-May-17 12:26:07

It's a question only your DH can answer, but if I were to hazard a guess, I'd say that maybe he still loves you and fancies you and maybe feels, now that parenting is not such a full-on, all-encompassing pursuit, that it would be nice to focus more on the relationship between the two of you.

Other than that you've got used to less affection between the two of you, does it actively bother you? Do you not reciprocate his feelings?

Inthebeergarden Wed 24-May-17 12:37:07

The lack of intimacy really didn't/doesn't bother me. I love him and he is a good man, we just lived separate lives.

It is nice to feel fancied again but I am not sure how to reciprocate. I'm so used to relaxing in joggers I'm not confident in how to turn on the allure again after so long. Any tips would be useful.

HildaOg Wed 24-May-17 17:02:52

He's trying to romance you because he loves you. A relationship takes effort. He's making it. You need to too.

Figaro2017 Wed 24-May-17 17:06:24

Because he's fed up of being less important than a book?

Ship0fFools Wed 24-May-17 17:09:07

Give yourself a pamper. Put on something nicer than joggers and put the book down.

He could be trying to resist the temptation of an affair

SandyY2K Wed 24-May-17 17:21:52

He's trying to get the spark back. He's probably looked online for tips.

You can ignore this and risk loosing any emotional connection you had, which will make it easier for him to leave the relationship, if there is no reciprocity.

Aquamarine1029 Wed 24-May-17 17:48:09

I don't understand why you can't just talk to him about this. You've been married for many years, you should be able to have a simple conversation.

Inthebeergarden Wed 24-May-17 21:32:26

Thank you for the feedback ladies.
Goodness, it is nice to be fancied again if what you say is to be believed.
Any tips or advice? It has been a while, nothing too out there please.

WaitingYetAgain Wed 24-May-17 21:52:54

I'm not confident in how to turn on the allure again after so long.

If he's trying leap into bed with you then I am not so sure you need to try to be alluring. grin

What would help you to feel more into it? A bit of preening like a nice shower or bath? Some new underwear or clothes? Going on a date with him? A new haircut/hairstyle?

One way to reconnect is to get to yourself some high quality massage oil and offer each other a massage. You can frame this the first time as being a massage only and take up to an hour each and perhaps follow it with a cuddle/snuggle in bed or on the sofa with a drink. Next time, shorter massage and more if you both feel like it. You can massage the top half only if you don't want to deal with too much body. I find massage a great tool for not only relaxation but also increasing my comfort level... It is very intimate and feels quite special if you set the tone.

caffeinestream Wed 24-May-17 22:06:35

Maybe he doesn't want to lead a totally separate life to his wife?

user1479302027 Thu 25-May-17 00:57:55

Hi op, I seem to be going through a similar phase to your husband! For me, I think I was so focused on the children, on working hard etc, and love for my partner was expressed by digging in to make her life easier - doing mornings, bedtimes, etc. Not romantic stuff Then, the kids got easier, and i started thinking of her separately from the kids - how much i loved her, and definitely how much i fancied her. If you can reciprocate, i think it is a nice thing. There's probably no ulterior motive except that he really likes you and is expressing it.

user1486956786 Thu 25-May-17 04:06:11

Maybe you need to change the genre of your books to help :-)

Sounds as though he's recognised things are missing in relationship and making an effort. Definitely reciprocate and enjoy it.

Inthebeergarden Thu 25-May-17 06:12:24

It sounds like I have to make a little effort or maybe more than a little.

GPs have the DC the weekend after next for a couple of nights so I have some planning time.

New dress instead of joggers, some pretty underwear and some massage oil are on the to do list. Rather ridiculously I feel very nervous, in a nice way, about it all. I'm not sure about changing my reading genre though :-). It is like I have a first date coming up.

Thanks for the tips, please keep them coming.I will keep you all up to date on how it goes.

Inthebeergarden Thu 25-May-17 07:06:14

He has just come downstairs and nuzzled my neck whilst I was making the DC lunches and called me the most beautiful woman in the world.

Hmmm and breathe!

I wish I wasn't wearing my old dressing gown. Next weekend now seems a long way off. Ages without feeling like this and then a quick chat on MN and I am a giddy teenager again, thank you to you all.

Ship0fFools Thu 25-May-17 07:16:02

Go and give him a shoulder massage.

Run your hand over his crotch and say 'kids are away next weekend aren't they?'

Inthebeergarden Thu 25-May-17 07:51:22

Goodness me! Thank you ShipofFools I will be stuck thinking about this all day now and not the long list of jobs to be done.

I can't quite believe this is happening to me after such a long time.
I hope this isn't coming over as some sort of M&B novel.
Just sent him a text as he is now on train to work. I can't tell you all content TMI :-) Very red faced as I type.

FetchezLaVache Thu 25-May-17 09:38:53

beergarden, you brazen temptress! Go you!!

Inthebeergarden Thu 25-May-17 09:49:45

I wish I was Fetchez. That' is why I'm asking for tips.
The text got a very hot response! Blush, giggle,breathe.

Off to the shops in a bit to make some purchases. Must choose carefully as I don't want to come across as too brazen :-)

user1479302027 Thu 25-May-17 10:06:07

Brazen is good.

DearMrDilkington Thu 25-May-17 10:11:27

This is so lovely to read instead of the usual cheating/bored husband thread grin.

Maybe tonight give him a small taster session of what next weekend will involve?wink

Inthebeergarden Thu 25-May-17 10:25:29

I'm not too confident at being brazen ;-). Help and advice always welcome. I hope something does happen tonight especially after our text conversation earlier. Lots of butterflies in my tummy.

It is lovely that this happening and I agree that is nice to be part of a more positive thread.

I have even put on a summer dress this morning rather than my normal attire. Positively skipping around the house whilst doing the tidying up.

rizlett Thu 25-May-17 10:29:52

Maybe he's getting advice from a mn thread?

Hot hot hot! grin

Inthebeergarden Thu 25-May-17 10:44:08

It is so strange, this time yesterday I was really worried and now after a day on MN I feel so in love and excited.

Very hot and not just the weather! Must get my jobs done and try and take my mind off what I am thinking and feeling.

ladyedith Thu 25-May-17 10:58:02

My top tip is to check you're sending the racy text to the right person. I once sent one by accident to my son's headmistress.

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