Hi all, I’m a long-time lurker who has finally got the courage to post. Please be gentle.
Here’s the issue: we’ve been married for 9 years but haven’t had sex for 7 years. No kids - unsurprisingly. We get on well, don’t really argue, are good friends, have similar outlooks and values. He's a good, kind and gentle man. But this isn’t right is it?
Early on in our marriage there was lots of stress - work, family, moving etc. I put on weight and felt like I’d lost my identity. Then DH got made redundant and I slipped into depression. During all this time I had no sex drive and he never asked for it. I was ashamed. We never discussed it. I never told anyone else as I thought it would be disloyal. I got help for the depression and anti-depressants saved me, but not my sex drive. DH got another job and life went on.
Now I’m much better and off the ADs. I’ve lost the weight and feel fantastic - better than I have done in years. The problem is that my libido has come back with a vengeance and since November I’ve felt very unhappy about our lack of intimacy. I tried to talk to him about it twice with no joy.
Recently I broke down to a friend who was very supportive and since then I’ve raised it again with DH and we had a proper chat about it. We talked about how our communication has broken down, that we should do more stuff both together and apart and that actually he's now a bit depressed but won't get help for it. At the end, we both committed to sort it out and agreed we didn’t want to split up. And then he said, there is another option which is to ‘grin and bear it like our parents generation did’. So overall, I don't really feel that I'm any further forward.
Am I kidding myself that we can come back from this and have a future?
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Reality check needed
8 replies
Beachcomber75 · 24/05/2017 11:59
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