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I've got to end this haven't I?

(51 Posts)
WildBelle Wed 24-May-17 09:20:49

I met a guy about 6 weeks ago through online dating. When I first saw him I didn't immediately fancy him loads, but as the date wore on I realised there was lots I did like about him. He's funny, intelligent, got his shit together, kind and just generally a really good bloke.

We've seen each other a fair bit over the last 6 weeks and he hasn't done anything wrong. There's one thing that really annoys me and that's that he makes kissy noises at me whenever I enter the room or he does, and quite a lot just randomly. Probably about 10 times per hour and I realise that this is me being majorly unreasonable but for some reason it drives me nuts. Also, he's just really intense, he's put me on a pedestal and tells me he loves me and I'm his dream girl - I'm a bit of a cold fish when it comes to emotions and it makes me feel uncomfortable because I really don't feel the same way.

But other than that, he really hasn't done anything wrong, he's been so kind and lovely to me. I really wish I was as keen on him as he is on me but I've come to realise I'm just not, and I don't think I ever will be. It just doesn't feel right and I can't really vocalise why. So I need to tell him, but the problem is I don't know how to do that without really hurting him, or what I can say as there's no real reason to end it other than just not feeling right to me. I'm really crap at this, I have ended relationships before but generally there has been an incident which has given me a good reason to do it, which makes it easier.

To add to the mess, there's one event this weekend and one in a month's time which he has got tickets for because we were going to go together, I was going to both events anyway and he's tagging along. Lots of my friends will be at both events who have never met him so now I have the problem of ending it in the next couple of days and him coming to the event still and it being really awkward, or hold on until after the weekend which will mean he'll be meeting lots of my friends as my boyfriend, which seems a bit wrong when I know it can't go on.

Help! How do I let him down gently? And when?

user1495612673 Wed 24-May-17 09:26:24

Do it after the event

user1495612673 Wed 24-May-17 09:27:21

Have you told him the kissing annoys you

LineysRun Wed 24-May-17 09:28:50

I'd do it now and refund the ticket money to him.

LineysRun Wed 24-May-17 09:31:47

I should add, my OH did the kissy thing a couple of times and I said something subtle like, 'What the fuck are you doing that for?' and he seems to have got the hint.

Your greater problem is the lovey dovey pedestal shit.

WildBelle Wed 24-May-17 09:32:28

No I haven't told him it annoys me, because I think I'm aware that I am being really unreasonable. It just makes me feel stabby. He's very soppy and I'm really not. I suppose I feel unreasonable about saying he needs to modify his behaviour when I know it's my issue not his!

muckypup73 Wed 24-May-17 09:32:31

End it now, because otherwise your just stringing him along and thats not fairxx

Smeaton Wed 24-May-17 09:32:52

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WildBelle Wed 24-May-17 09:33:58

That's brilliant Lineys grin. I kind of wish I had nipped it in the bud after a couple of times but now after 6 weeks and 90 billion times of him doing it in real life and on the phone I feel like I've missed the boat.

WildBelle Wed 24-May-17 09:35:37

Thing is I would really genuinely like him as a friend, I enjoy spending time with him but I just don't feel that spark. Which I know sounds like a massive cliche. How though? WhAt do I say?

MorrisZapp Wed 24-May-17 09:36:52

Bin him straight away. My friends and I spent most of the 90s desperately trying to finish with men but needing to wait until after Sandra's wedding. Then he does something meaningful at Sandra's wedding and you've just bought yourself another month before you can bin him.

It's crap for you and humiliating for him.

gamerchick Wed 24-May-17 09:37:00

Poor bugger do it now man, you can't string him along just because you want your social life to run smoothly. It's not fair.

You could try telling him it irritates you though. My husband hunned me once and I had to nip that in the bud.

Smeaton Wed 24-May-17 09:37:37

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Changedname3456 Wed 24-May-17 09:38:46

You have to tell him before you go. It would be really embarrassing for him to go and be intro'd as your BF and then have you ditch him the week after and, to me, it would feel like stringing him along.

Better to give him the option not to go / sell you his ticket / go as a friend than under false pretences.

Also, I would tell him, as gently as you can, about what annoys you. He might not like it now, but it might help him keep his next relationship for longer!

MorrisZapp Wed 24-May-17 09:38:57

Not forgetting the time I had to spend an extra two weeks dating 'okily dokily man' because I couldn't afford a new hoover til payday and he had a Henry.

Don't be me.

f83mx Wed 24-May-17 09:39:40

Don't think there's anything you can do bar be honest which is that you're just not into him in that way. Don't try and go down a 'gentler' route 'i'm not ready for a relationship etc' as it just leads people down the wrong path and he'd probably start trying to negotiate relationship terms - just bite the bullet and be honest, its horrid tho! xx

Teddy6767 Wed 24-May-17 09:40:26

Tell him you think he's fantastic and you were so hoping it could work out romantically, but your gut is telling you that something's missing and you feel the right thing to do is be friends.
There's not really a way to word it that isn't going to upset him, but that's the nature of dating.
If he wants a more specific reason for you ending things then just tell him the chemistry wasn't there naturally for you and was feeling a bit forced on your side.

pinkblink Wed 24-May-17 09:42:39

Just tell him, the kissy noise really grates on me, at first I thought I was being niggly because I was tired/in a bad mood anyway/on but it's still making me cringe, could you stop it please?

He may finish with you himself for disliking his 'thing' he may just think he is being cute and stop immediately

WildBelle Wed 24-May-17 09:43:56

Gamer it's not about wanting my social life to run smoothly, it's more about humiliating him (and myself) by introducing him as my bf, then binning him shortly afterwards. I'd be happy for him to come to both things as a friend if he still wants to go. He is completely besotted with me, which I know sounds really arrogant but he is, and I don't know whether trying to be friends would be more of a wind up for him.

Smeaton you might have it there, I guess it is that straightforward isn't it.

Morris that made me snort with laughter grin

WildBelle Wed 24-May-17 09:45:16

I like that version teddy. Can you do it for me? You're much better than I am at this kind of thing.

WildBelle Wed 24-May-17 09:47:12

Pink - I think it's more than the kissy noises, though they are fucking annoying.

Teddy6767 Wed 24-May-17 09:47:54

Haha I would if I could.
Sometimes friendships can't really work in these sorts of situations. If it's early days and he is madly in love with you, then a friendship will more than likely be very depressing for him. It might be best to just completely cut contact (at least for a few weeks until he has moved on)

CandleLit Wed 24-May-17 09:50:32

You've only been seeing each other for six weeks. Just be straight with him. He'll get over it much quicker if you do it now rather than string him along for a month.

I've done it by text twice and a message left through a friend once - all relationships much, much longer than six weeks. It was shitty behaviour on my part but I'm a wuss. Saying that, I wouldn't hesitate to do it again for a six week relationship.

HildaOg Wed 24-May-17 09:51:20

I had a man try to baby talk me once, I was so perplexed. I think honesty is the best way to go. Tell him you really like him as a friend and enjoy his company but you're emotionally incompatible and the sappiness isn't your thing.

It would be cruel to him and torture for you to string him along until after the event. He could still go as a friend if you both wanted.

FetchezLaVache Wed 24-May-17 09:51:24

I agree with Liney that the lovey dovey pedestal shit is far more of a worry than the kissy wissy shit, annoying though that may be.

6 weeks in and he loves you, his "dream girl"?

I am prepared to be called a massively cynical old hag, but I'd say your instincts are bidding you lace up your running shoes post-haste.

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