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Is this enough to leave

(33 Posts)
ohsofat Wed 24-May-17 07:26:39

My DH and I own a small business, not something I wanted from day one and something I made very clear to DH, but he'd had aspirations about owning his own business for years, he pretty much wore me down into signing the paperwork to buy the business etc. So now several years later we still have the business and I still don't want it but DH refuses to sell, which makes me think why am I spending my life with something that has a big impact on me when I don't want it, so the only way to get away from it is to leave DH, but is it bad enough to break up my family.

changingmylifecompletely28489 Wed 24-May-17 07:28:25

So get a different job yourself and let him be.

Is the business on profit? Is it working? Does he like it? If so, what's the problem?

purplecoathanger Wed 24-May-17 07:28:44

Only you can answer that question. The bottom line has to be can you continue with things or not?

GreenHairDontCare Wed 24-May-17 07:29:33

Are you involved in the business?

I mean, if all else is good in your relationship then couldn't you just step back from it? Or is it running at a loss and negatively impacting you?

TBH him 'wearing you down' to agree is a big red flag anyway.

Regardless, you never need a 'reason' to leave. If you're unhappy then maybe it's time to go.

Cricrichan Wed 24-May-17 07:31:34

You don't like the type of business it is or is it because it impacts too much on your your family life? Could you get a job and let him run the business? How is your relationship otherwise? Is the business the only problem?

Justmadeperfectflapjacks Wed 24-May-17 07:32:58

Suggest he find a new partner for the business. Tell him straight you want out.
If he won't listen then it's time to speak to a solicitor.

LineysRun Wed 24-May-17 07:37:35

Pretty much what they ^^ all said.

ohsofat Wed 24-May-17 07:38:24

We both have our own jobs and this was suppose to be an investment for the future, It makes a very small profit but the hard work and worry over it far outweighs the profit. It's more that it takes over our life, it's all he seems to want to talk about, if things go wrong he is moody & bad tempered at home although this isn't as bad as it was, we've had some horrific arguments over it.

He talks about buying other businesses or selling this one and investing the money into other business, even though I've told him I will never in my life own another business, but it's as if he doesn't hear me. The thought of having this in my life for the next 10 years makes me feel down.

The recession was a killer and we ran up a lot of debt getting the business through it,

LineysRun Wed 24-May-17 07:47:56

we ran up a lot of debt getting the business through it

So for years you were working to subsidise this 'business' which loses money and is effectively his hobby?

Has it ever broken even? I mean, has the debt been paid off by the business profits? Or did it have to be done via your other wages?

ferando81 Wed 24-May-17 07:53:00

Yes it is enough to leave.He is selfish and doesn't respect you

purplecoathanger Wed 24-May-17 07:53:02

Put like that OP, I couldn't stand it. He is completely disrespectful of you and the way you want to live your life. That says it all really.

thethoughtfox Wed 24-May-17 07:57:16

Maybe try talking it through with a counsellor to make him actually hear you. Talk through the amount of money it brings in against the hours you both work and work out the hourly pay rate. If it's lots, employ someone to take the strain off both of you; it it's not worth it, this may help spell this out.

ohsofat Wed 24-May-17 08:11:30

The debt is still being paid off with a mixture of business profits and our own wages.

Even the accountant says it's not worth the hassle for the money we get from it.

It's not a field I'm interested in and to be honest not really an interest for DH it was just about him owning his own business no matter what it was.

Smeaton Wed 24-May-17 08:17:02

I seem to say this a lot, I believe it though.
You can leave someone for any reason you like.
You could leave someone for wearing the wrong coloured pants if you decided too. If this man and this business is not making you happy in the short time you have then whynwoukd you stay?

Give him chance to change, tell him that you're unhappy and tell him why. If he dismisses your concerns, promises but doesn't change etc. Wave bye bye.

LineysRun Wed 24-May-17 08:22:09

OP, I see why you've had enough.

But see the accountant and a solicitor before you act. You don't want your DH misrepresenting his future income and profit as debt and loss. If I were you I'd aim for clean break to get my name off the paperwork for this business.

Good luck flowers

ohsofat Wed 24-May-17 09:02:26

I've asked him many times to sell but he always has an excuse why we shouldn't, during the recession it was obviously the bad economy and it was really struggling so he said no one would want it so we would have to practically give it away, now things are better he's says after all the hard work he wants to get something back from it. He even admits himself at times that it's more hassle then it's with, but yet he still hangs on.

Hermonie2016 Wed 24-May-17 09:12:08

What's his driver for owning a business? It seems emotional rather than commercial.

I think it's worth getting some professional input, maybe a counsellor who can jointly explore the underlying reasons and help him replace it with healthier options.

However if that feels like too much effort you may just be "done" and have no goodwill left.
Do you still like your dh?

Smeaton Wed 24-May-17 09:12:13

Seems like you've tried, he's dismissed your concerns.

That'd be it for me.

ohsofat Wed 24-May-17 09:34:55

Cricrichan our relationship is mostly ok dependant on DHs mood, if he's all happy then it's good, but he tends to do 0 to 60 in 10 seconds temper/mood wise when things upset, annoy or anger him then as a family we are definitely aware of how he is feeling, this isn't just about the business he's like that in general.

Greenhair wish I'd seen the red flag all those years ago but I had a toddler and a newborn and his constant 'but I would support you in your ambition' to 'I did xy & z for you' eventually became too much

ohsofat Thu 25-May-17 07:27:21

Asked again about selling the business, he was talking about his plans for it and I asked 'does selling it come into those plans' he laughed, said no and carried on with what he was saying.

Smeaton Thu 25-May-17 07:33:35

I don't know what else anyone can say then OP.

You've made it clear, he's dismissed you. Seems his business is more important.

Do you want to be second best for the rest of your life?

ohsofat Thu 25-May-17 07:53:26

That's exactly how I feel Smeaton second best, whereas he says it isn't like that, he's doing all this for our future and the DCs future.

Smeaton Thu 25-May-17 07:55:58

But if he keeps up he won't have a future with you.
It just sounds like he's dragging down and kicking the life out of you for his own misguided and frankly silly reasons.

ohsofat Thu 25-May-17 08:14:16

Wow Smeaton can't believe how spot on you are only that's not just the business but life in general, everything on his terms.

Smeaton Thu 25-May-17 08:21:05

Its not how life should be is it. sad

A partner should be there to improve your life, not make it worse.

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