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How to deal with boyfriends mum?

(282 Posts)
CJ789 Tue 23-May-17 15:10:03

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MisguidedAngel Tue 23-May-17 15:17:36

Yes. It's her home and if you don't like it you should move out.

Scrumple Tue 23-May-17 15:17:43

So you and your boyfriend are living with his mum and his 1 yo sister?

Are you paying a fair contribution to bills? If not, how else do you contribute to the household?

Of course it's completely unreasonable for her to dictate that you spend your evenings with her, but if she's asking for an hour's babysitting in return for reduced living expenses for example, i'd say that was okay.

Personally, i'd be saving like mad with my boyfriend to get our own place. How far away are you from moving out?

Dawnedlightly Tue 23-May-17 15:18:00

Who pays the rent?

Justmadeperfectflapjacks Tue 23-May-17 15:19:31

Why doesn't your bf work?
Do you both pay board?

SaorAlbaGuBrath Tue 23-May-17 15:20:09

Move out?

Maracattack Tue 23-May-17 15:24:24

Living with a one year old is always going to mean a certain amount of being climbed on... and a certain amount of socialising is just polite if you're living as a family - though it does sound excessive.

Long-term I'd say you need to move out. Short term, could you agree with your boyfriend to spend some time with her but also some alone time... perhaps you could just go out? A summer evening picnic followed by a pint at the pub needn't be too expensive and 'we're going out' is less on the nose than 'we're just going to sit in our room'.

CJ789 Tue 23-May-17 15:25:33

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CondensedMilkSarnies Tue 23-May-17 15:27:55

Why are you living there ? Where were you living before you met him ?

HildaOg Tue 23-May-17 15:28:38

Why is your boyfriend sitting at home looking at her all day? He should be working. It sounds very unpleasant tbh but its a good incentive to get out. Why not meet each other in the pub in the evenings?

TheMysteriousJackelope Tue 23-May-17 15:29:11

How invested are you in this boyfriend? Do you really want to deal with his mother for the next 40 - 50 years if she is a 'nightmare'? She is not going to get better with age.

You might be better off moving into a house share or flat share on your own and taking a long, hard, think about this relationship.

CJ789 Tue 23-May-17 15:29:17

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CJ789 Tue 23-May-17 15:30:25

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

user1479302027 Tue 23-May-17 15:30:46

£80 a month? She ain't such a nightmare

Scrumple Tue 23-May-17 15:30:58

You're living there for only £80 a month each?? Is that including all bills and food etc?

That is an extremely fortunate position to be in. Are you both working full time, or just you? With such little expenses, you should be able to save up a great deposit in no time. But, if you don't feel that you can cope in your current living situation any longer, start looking for a private let. Just be aware of the drastic changes this will have on your finances and may leave little room for any saving.

Obviously the current situation is not sustainable. You cannot be expected to spend all your evenings with your boyfriend's mum and baby sister. Instead, have a discussion with you boyfriend and his mum and come to a more formal arrangement. E.g. in return fir such reduced bills, you're happy to both look after his baby sister for X amount of hours per week over X amount of evenings.

CondensedMilkSarnies Tue 23-May-17 15:34:05

What does your boyfriend do for a living ?

CJ789 Tue 23-May-17 15:34:09

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Wolfiefan Tue 23-May-17 15:34:30

You don't deal with her. She's not your mother. BF can have a word.
If you think 9-5 is long hours and don't want a small child climbing over you outside of working hours then FFS never have kids.
You sound very young. Move back with your own family?

CJ789 Tue 23-May-17 15:35:39

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CJ789 Tue 23-May-17 15:37:14

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Thinkingblonde Tue 23-May-17 15:37:21

So you're contributing £160.00 a month between you both, with a bit of cleaning thrown in. And you complain that his mother likes to socialise with you and help put with his baby sister.
You sound very selfish.
Why don't you move in with your parents?
What's her address and I'll move in

HandbagCrazy Tue 23-May-17 15:37:30

She doesn't sound like a nightmare to be honest.
Imagine this from her perspective - she's putting 2 adults up for way way below the market minimum rent and you're so rude you ignore her in her own home.

You're getting a bargain. I don't know where you live but my area is relatively 'cheap' for rent and it's around £500 per month minimum here. You're going to get a shock when you move out and have real world finances to deal with.

Why isn't your partner working?

I would move back to your parents until you can afford a place of your own

NerrSnerr Tue 23-May-17 15:39:22

£80 a month is nothing, you're very lucky to have such tiny rent. I think it's only fair you help with chores as you're living at such a discounted rate. You're living under her roof, if you don't like it move out.

CJ789 Tue 23-May-17 15:39:54

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett Tue 23-May-17 15:41:28

If you want to do your own thing, get your own flat. Or pay market rent, when there's a chance she'll see you as a lodger rather than another child. Because people who pay token rents are children of the house, not adults.

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