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Please can anyone help?

(10 Posts)
Justanamefortoday Mon 22-May-17 16:51:00

Tonight dh and I are going for couples therapy. First one and I'm already not liking dh very much.

He had an online thing then she flirted then came here and then he slept with her. Then met her twice more. There's more to it but not sure it's relevant.

I found out because she told dh that her dh had written to tell me. He told me then minutes later the postman brought the letter.

He only confessed to their further meetings as he has no choice.

I don't really want to get into the why's and where's and he's a shit. I would like guidance as to what happens at the therapy sessions and how we make sure we get the best out of them, how we know if the therapist is any good, how many sessions are usually needed if that's not the same as how long is a piece of string and anything else I've missed would be great.

Thank you very much.

Changedname3456 Mon 22-May-17 18:48:22

Well the first thing is that you've both got to actually want the counselling to get your relationship fixed. If he (or you) have any doubts or reservations then it's unlikely it'll help. Also is he actually going to be honest about everything?

noego Mon 22-May-17 18:50:34

You're wasting your money. Get shut. He is only going through the motions.

Justanamefortoday Mon 22-May-17 21:45:47

I'm hiding this as my questions aren't answered and you are out of order saying he's only going through the motions. Talk about being unsupportive.

Goldmandra Mon 22-May-17 21:51:43

How did tonight's session go Just?

Did you get an idea of how it is best to use them for your particular situation?

If the worst comes to the worst and you conclude that there is no hope for the relationship, you can use the sessions to agree an amicable way to separate. If you can make it easier on one or both of you, it's worth it.

ImperialBlether Mon 22-May-17 21:58:15

I don't know why, but it's quite normal to defend an unfaithful partner. I think women like to think they know the real man, so when they reveal something about the man that is awful, they think people don't understand him or the relationship.

Therapy can't work unless he's truly remorseful. Only you will know whether that's the case, or whether he's simply sorry he's been caught.

SandyY2K Mon 22-May-17 22:05:56

The therapist will ask some background questions about what has brought you to therapy.

They'll also ask other questions about your relationship in general.

They'll be unbiased and non judgemental.

In addition to the presenting problem, you will probably be asked what each of you would like going forward in the marriage.

6 sessions is a starting point, but there's no time limit.

I know that if a therapist sees one of you, doesn't want to save or heal the marriage, then they can end the sessions altogether.

Good luck

Ship0fFools Mon 22-May-17 22:15:23

What a cruel post noego
You have no idea that's the situation at all and are obviously basing your reply purely on your own bad experience.

I hope the therapy session went ok x

HildaOg Mon 22-May-17 23:03:26

When you say "she came here", do you mean he brought her to your home? That just makes it a hundred times worse tbh. It's so beyond disrespectful.

Do you have children together?

user1490142285 Mon 22-May-17 23:17:04

Couples therapy is for both partners, so you can talk things out in a venue where you must listen to, hear and respond to each other. It isn't really a matter of whether it 'works' or not (eg mends the relationship), you're there to communicate. It may not keep the relationship together. So whether or not he is remorseful it should help you get some things off your chest and reach conclusions it might otherwise be difficult to reach yourself after such a stressful event.

Even if as suggested he is 'going through the motions' it shouldn't really make a difference to your opportunity to work through your own feelings, set some boundaries and agree on a way forward.

Good luck. I hope you find it helpful. I did. x

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