Firstly, my apologies because I'm unable to change my username at the moment. It just won't let me, even though I've typed in a password in and saved it!!
Sorry, this is long :(
My DH and I have been married for 21 years. We have two teen DS and one DD.
He has done some appalling things, including leaving his job to go to Uni without consulting me when the oldest was a baby. He then walked out on us for six months. We went to relationship counselling and I took him back. DH also had an affair a few years later.
DH was diagnosed with BPD when the youngest was a toddler which seemed to mitigate somewhat his dreadful behaviour and I agreed to give it one last go.
My self-esteem was zilch as I also had unresolved PTSD following a traumatic birth with DS1.
DS1 was born with a heart condition, which meant that I couldn't take up a place on a PGCE course I had following his birth. The boys also have an ASD and other co-morbid conditions, and so instead of studying PT when the middle one went to school, I have been a FT carer and SAHM.
DH, however, finished his degree and has become self-employed. We agreed to do this, with me supporting his career, because I believed that it wouldn't be forever, and we could still have a comfortable life on his earnings (always had joint finances and shared bank account). We agreed that I would return to Uni as soon as was possible.
Fast forward seven or eight years and we are utterly broke. He works very little because of his condition, and I care for him as well as the kids.
I am in my 40s and we rent, have no savings and are living largely off benefits. I have no career and no support as we live a couple of hundred miles from our home town. His family are not close and I am an only child. My DF died 15 years ago so only DM and I left.
DH's BPD is as bad as it has ever been, and although medicated, it's unstable. We moved away from our home town a few years ago and DH has new consultants and a new medication regime, which is still being reviewed.
This means DH works very little, so we survive on this and the WFTC, and disability benefits. He earned less than £7000 last year, and the year prior to that, but won't claim sickness benefits because of the complication of being self employed.
Our rent is nearly a thousand pounds a month and this leaves little left over to buy clothe, treats, days out, etc.
I feel suicidal and so broken. I love him but don't know how much more I can take. I know that lots of the behaviour has been due to the BPD.
DH loves the kids but because of the meds is emotionally reserved. He will, however, spend time with them and any money he has goes on them.
I also have some chronic health conditions triggered by stress and this means that so
days I can barely walk. I am now seriously overweight and also have alopecia. I feel old and done.
I can't see a future for myself. My beautiful children are my world and I truly love DH but I was once a person with dreams and ambitions and a had a career path. I can't see a way forward and I don't know where to go from here. I only know something has to change.
Please me find a way out of this mess.
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Relationships
DH and Bipolar Disorder
10 replies
user1495443140 · 22/05/2017 14:40
OP posts:
twentytwotwentysix ·
22/05/2017 21:09
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twentytwotwentysix ·
23/05/2017 13:57
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twentytwotwentysix ·
23/05/2017 14:10
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