Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Why do I laugh?

(37 Posts)
JustMay Mon 22-May-17 08:51:47

I'm just jut wondering if someone can help me understand something; When I've been hit I laugh. I mean really giggle and smile. This tend s to wind up the person more and it gets worse.

I want to know why I do it. I know it will make things worse but I just laugh. I rarely feel scared during too.

Is there something wrong with me? Most people would be scared but I'm not at the time in a weird way, pain dosent really bother me at the time too.

Posted here because I've been trying to look it up but I'm getting no where. I'm just a bit confused by it all. Sorry if this is garbled or anything. I just want to be able to stop myself.

rizlett Mon 22-May-17 08:53:31

When I've been hit

Your laughing isn't the problem at all op - it's the being hit. Who is hitting you?

Emmageddon Mon 22-May-17 08:54:39

Who is hitting you? It sounds like a defence mechanism of some kind. Are you in an abusive relationship? Can we help you get away?

elephantscansing Mon 22-May-17 08:59:16

I think laughing releases endorphins which help to minimise pain and also distract you from pain.

But OP, nobody should be hitting you.

www.freedomprogramme.co.uk/

www.womensaid.org.uk/

JustMay Mon 22-May-17 09:00:18

It's my DH who's doing it. I know it's not a good relationship, well, omnibus only just sort of coming to terms with it/realising it? Idk but I'm ok on that front, I don't think I could leave yet (truthfully, I can't find the willpower at the moment, don't flame me please!).

I just want to stop what I do and work out my own behaviours if you know what I mean?

JustMay Mon 22-May-17 09:00:56

Thank you elephant! That's a good pointer for me to look into.

elephantscansing Mon 22-May-17 09:14:30

An adult hitting another is NEVER right. The only acceptable level of violence in a relationship is NONE. Get help, OP.

rizlett Mon 22-May-17 09:23:46

Is it kind of a thing like saying "didn't hurt"?

Does he hit you more if you laugh?

It doesnt matter what your response is op - no one has the right to hit you and no one's behaviour 'makes' someone else hit them.

Nothing you do or don't do will change the behaviour of someone who controls you. You can change it though - by leaving.

Mustang27 Mon 22-May-17 09:27:48

Please don't don't stay!!! Pack a bag and go somewhere anywhere it only gets worse trust me. Your reaction is not the problem.

I left with the clothes on my back it went on for a good year afterwards him stalking and threatening me but that really was better than him stabbing me because I stayed, it was getting pretty close to that.

You must have someone.

Jayfee Mon 22-May-17 09:29:43

I have met people in my professional role who laughed whilst telling me stuff. It took me a while to realise they were trying to manage/ minimise their emotional pain. Please get help for your situation. I have known lovely warm intelligent women made to feel like they are not worth much by controlling men.

strugglingstepdad Mon 22-May-17 10:18:49

My partner used to do this with her ex. She couldn't explain it either. But yes it did wind him up more sad

You need to get out, as previously said the only acceptable level of violence is NONE!!

JustMay Mon 22-May-17 10:23:36

He does hit more if I laugh, which is why I want to stop doing it. I know it won't stop it but it will minimise it and he only hits when he's been provoked a bit (which I suppose the laughing might be? Not sure). So he's quite safe to live with ATM, I'm not scared.
I am thinking about the future of all this btw, it's not something I can just immediately walk out on. I'm aware of the freedom program and all that stuff but thank you to those who suggested it.

keepingonrunning Mon 22-May-17 10:52:13

You are NOT provoking him.

He is CHOOSING to do this to you.

Does he hit anyone else? The person in the shop? People at work? Unlikely.

Chances are he only hits you because he sees you as his property and he believes he is entitled to treat you any way he likes. It's all about him enjoying the feeling of power and control over you.

You MUST seek advice from Women's Aid on leaving safely when you feel able. It will be a particularly vulnerable time for you.

Have courage. Many others have got out and gone on to lead much happier lives with people who respect them, including a lot MNetters who post here. flowers

pinkyredrose Mon 22-May-17 10:56:04

Only hits when provoked eh? He certainly sounds safe to live with; just as long as he isn't provoked. Btw does anyone else provoke him into hitting them or is it just you?

JustMay Mon 22-May-17 11:07:10

I know people are trying to be helpful but I'm honestly well aware of abuse, the signs, the stats etc.Im aware of all the help that is out there from WA and other organisations.

Non of that is helping my drive to leave though, feels like it makes it harder because wtf am I doing in a situation like this if I'm clued up on abuse?! It's so embarrassing, I truly feel ashamed and a bit confused as to how this happened. There there's the fact I love him, we have a child and I strongly believe marriage is a sacrament (I know many don't but its part of my beliefs) and I feel awful for even thinking of divorce because of that too.

It's just all a mess. I just want to be able to make things better, even if just a little.

ImperialBlether Mon 22-May-17 11:08:29

Do you think your husband is sticking to his marriage vows? Does he love, honour and cherish you?

ImperialBlether Mon 22-May-17 11:09:03

And of course "Till death do we part" takes on a whole new meaning when you're being hit by your own husband.

Toffeelatteplease Mon 22-May-17 11:09:23

It totally can be an emotional response. But...

I wonder if you laugh because it's a way of showing defiance. Even if you hit me im still here kind of thing which is why it then results in more hitting.

It can also be your self esteem is so low you're deliberately provoking him to "prove" what a bad person you are that you deserve to be hit.

It can also be that your trying to get out. This beating is so bad I have to leave. Or an excuse to stay " well if I was "provoking" him it's not really his fault is it."

Of course none of the above matters other than in your own head. You need to get out. Don't need to take all the steps at once. Make calling woman's aid the first step.

Toffeelatteplease Mon 22-May-17 11:15:26

Often when people tell people to leave it misses the reasons why they want to stay. That's not to say they are wrong but that you need to work out why you are still there despite knowing you shouldn't. That will also have hitting your self esteem too, the fact you are doing something fundlementally unhealthy for you. Start by getting counselling and treat it asa space where you can talk and think clearly. You won't have had that for a long time and you really need it.

keepingonrunning Mon 22-May-17 11:19:29

It happened because of boiling frog syndrome
It's not your fault. Your H has broken his marriage vows, "to love and to cherish", not you. He won't change, it will get worse. And he is showing he certainly does not love you.
The shame is his, not yours. There is a lot of help out there. The hardest bit is taking the first step and reaching out.
In time you will adjust your thinking to being single again. There is a grieving process involved in acknowledging the hopes and dreams you had for this marriage are gone. But you can break free and find them with someone who is kind and respectful towards you.
If he is bullying you, he will bully your DC too. He is already abusing your DC by hitting you, their mother. No loving father does that.
Please also think about the relationship template your DC is witnessing for their own life.

keepingonrunning Mon 22-May-17 11:29:56

TED Talk Why Domestic Violence Victims Don't Leave

Adora10 Mon 22-May-17 13:03:48

OMG, he hits more when you laugh, please give yourself permission to get away from this vile human being; you laughing is the least of it.

It's not NORMAL.

Adora10 Mon 22-May-17 13:05:45

You don't love him, you just think you do, it's not possible to love anyone who beats you up, not proper love anyway.

Stop taking the blame for his actions; you have a choice here OP, nobody on here will help you stay I can assure you of that so you laughing is not really something anyone on here will solve for you.

testnamechange Mon 22-May-17 14:09:12

Laughing can just be a reaction to stress, I used to giggle in school if I was told off. I didn't find it funny, it was a nervous reaction. I don't know how you can stop while you are in this stressful situation

ravenmum Mon 22-May-17 14:50:34

Sounds like what they used to call hysterical laughter.

Knowing lots of facts about abuse doesn't give you a magic key to avoid the pressures that are making you stay. Hope you have some real-life support.

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: