Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Ended it last night..

(4 Posts)
SureButNotSure Sun 21-May-17 13:54:15

I don't really want to go into too much detail but last night I finally told DP how I felt about the way he's been treating me (bordering emotionally abusive) and another huge incident that happened about a year ago.
He didn't know I felt like this - it's a bit of a shock and although he's 100% wrong and knows it, he's still taking it badly.
I stayed in the guestroom last night but neither of us slept. He's had to go into work this morning and he kept crying, saying how he loves me so much and is so sorry and asked for my forgiveness. (This type of incident can't be forgiven at all though)
I kept strong and told him that things will never be the same and will never work out between us now.
He left for work very upset.
I have been thinking about this for months but could never pluck up the courage to end it.
Even though he's done something absolutely unthinkable, I still love him as he's the father of my child. I feel somewhat torn, seeing him so upset.

He'll be home this evening but I don't know if he's going to stay...

I need to be strong and I know this is the right thing for me and my DC.

I don't really know why I'm writing a new thread. Just need to get it all out I think.

I hate seeing him so upset but I can't stay with him just because I don't want to make him feel bad.

I hate adulthood.

CharlotteCollinsneeLucas Sun 21-May-17 13:57:47

You can love someone and still know that it's better not to be together.
flowers

isitjustme2017 Sun 21-May-17 14:10:39

Hi OP, I totally understand this. I recently told my stbxp it was over after years of putting up with his awful behaviour. He too has taken it very badly and has gone from being nasty and vile to being all sad and downtrodden.
When he is being sad, the guilt kicks in and I feel bad. He is walking away with nothing and without the DC.
However, when the guilt kicks in, I remind myself of what a complete dick he has been to me over the years and that usually helps!!
You need to do the same. Its natural to feel bad when someone is upset, even if they have hurt you. It makes you a nice person.
Please realise though, he is trying to manipulate you by making you feel bad. He hopes you feel sorry enough for him to take him back but he will NOT change. Not sure what the incident was but, if it was unforgivable, then keep that at the forefront of your mind.
Stay strong. You've done the hardest part flowers

Changedname3456 Sun 21-May-17 21:29:56

So you said he didn't know how you were feeling. Did you say nothing after whatever the major thing was last year or did you let it slide?

Is it unreasonable for him NOT to have expected you'd be upset etc or could he genuinely have had no idea?

Is this not something you can work on together - clearly burying your emotions (assuming you did) has just led to resentment building up. Now you've started a process of expressing your anger/hurt/unhappiness is there no value at all in turning that into a dialogue with counselling to help?

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now