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Regret leaving someone? Or someone regret leaving you? Tell me your stories please!

(19 Posts)
Stripesandsprinkles Sat 20-May-17 18:18:43

I previously wrote a post about my partner of 2 years splitting up with me because he was to young and wanted to experiance other things while he was doing this he was distraught, saying he loved me and when I told him I hope his decision is worth it he said he didn't know if it would be. I'm heartbroken you know that can breath can't eat sort of pain? Yeah that one but i am determined to build myself back up to the strong independent person I was before and helping me do that is saying to myself he will regret it once the novelty of a few nights out and sleeping with a few randoms wears off and by then I want to be my strong self again! What's your story's of leaving someone and regretting it or someone leaving you and regretting it and how long did it take for them to regret it?

OP’s posts: |
user1492190246 Sat 20-May-17 18:30:26

Sometimes it's for the best . Don't try to be better because you are waiting for him to regret it and try to get you back because he might never let know he is regretting. Be strong for you and for your future . With time the pain will go and one day you will look back and realise he did you a favour smileflowers

Arealhumanbeing Sat 20-May-17 18:43:00

A long time ago but it took my ex 5 months to regret finishing with me and ask to meet up. We had been together eighteen months and after the split got back together for another three years.

I think him coming back was a lot to do with my going completely no contact, changing jobs, moving house, dating others etc.

I ended it eventually because I fell completely in love with someone else. Unrequited unfortunately.

Stripesandsprinkles Sat 20-May-17 18:47:29

What was his reasons for splitting up with you Arealhumanbeing? And what was his reasons for coming back? X

OP’s posts: |
Stripesandsprinkles Sat 20-May-17 18:49:07

And I have also stopped all contact, I'm trying to act as if I'm dealing with it really well, act being the key word!

OP’s posts: |
heartbroken40 Sat 20-May-17 18:51:53

Well, my boyfriend broke up with me in 1994 because he wasn't ready to commit.

I waited for him and begged him and cried but he didn't come back and I know from common friends that he was sleeping around and having fun.

I never got over him, but I decided life must go on. So I dated again and he turned into a dream, constant, always with me.

Last year after 22 years he came back after his divorce. He said he should have married me, that I was "perfect".

I fell in love desperately again and then he dumped me for the second time after we had sex.

So, be careful, he might come back just for an ego trip, to know that he has one person to whom he is everything.

Be happy with yourself, just enjoy life and if he comes back, see what you want to do, but don't wait for him. Life will pass you by (I never got married) and you might have idealised him.

I hope mine serves as a cautionary tale.

Sn0tnose Sun 21-May-17 01:02:54

Another cautionary tale here. Lived with my ex for a year before he left, telling me that he loved me with all of his heart but he just couldn't give me what I wanted (nothing too outrageous, just for him to be faithful). After two very painful years of dating and trying to convince him I was perfect for him, I finally managed to cut contact completely, helped by him telling me that he did want to be in a relationship, just not with me (even though he still loved me and it was breaking his heart to walk away). I begged him to tell me that his feelings for me were gone, because it would be easier to understand why he was leaving and I could just get on with accepting it was over, but he refused to do that and insisted he was still very much in love with me, he just didn't want to actually be in a relationship with me. Or date me. Or see me.

Eight years later, I'm very happily married to DH when up he pops. He still loves me, can't believe he let me go, has thought about me every day since he left and would leave his girlfriend for me like a shot if only he had somewhere to go 🙄

When we were together, I worshipped the ground he walked on. I would have done anything or gone anywhere to have made him happy. We had no distance issues, no problems with family or children that meant we couldn't be together. If he had truly loved me, wild horses would not have been able to drag him away. And that's what made it slightly easier to cut contact, I think. Realising that he couldn't love me and do what he was doing, so I was wasting my time trying to convince him I was the one for him.

When he came crawling out of the woodwork, it was not because he'd realised I was actually the perfect woman for him. It was because he needed rescuing from a situation he didn't want to be in and wasn't up to the job of being a grown up and sorting his own life out. I have no doubt that, had I gone along with it, we'd have been together for less than a year before he was contacting the next ex, telling her that she was the one for him. I always thought I'd feel rather victorious when he came back (I always knew he would). Instead, I felt a combination of relief that I'd married a man who really understands the meaning of love, and sadness that he thought so little of me that he believed he could click his fingers and I'd come running.

NurseButtercup Sun 21-May-17 15:59:47

2 years ago I met my ex and fell madly in love. I was so happy that, finally after years of searching & loads of shit relationships, this was it, I've found "the one". He said he felt the same and we started planning our future lives. 6 weeks later we had a row, I told him I wasn't happy with the way he spoke to me we said sorry to each other and kissed and made up. The following day when I was at work, he dumped me via text. He blocked me on everything, facebook, whatsapp, phonecalls. I was so shocked I just accepted it and let him go. My shock turned into humiliation and then anger. It took me a while to realise he was a " future faker".
Last month he unblocked me on whatsapp so that he could contact me. His opening comment was "Hiya, long time no hear, how are you?".
My reply: " Long time no hear???, you made sure of that when you blocked me!!".
His reply: "I'd like to take you out for dinner so we can talk, and put right my wrongs
I didn't answer and I blocked him!!

Considering how devastated I was when he dumped me, I didn't feel anything when he got in touch.

Sending you flowers and a big hug. You won't feel like this forever.

Arealhumanbeing Sun 21-May-17 16:22:29

He just wasn't sure he could commit to a relationship and didn't want to be the reason I left my home town and changed jobs.

I did that without him and started to make a life for myself. He came back because he realised he had been overthinking things and could see that I wouldn't be investing my whole life/self in the relationship. He had no reason to think I would, as I said he was an over thinker.

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Mountainsandhuts Tue 28-Jul-20 22:22:37

Yes. I met DP when we were both doing PhDs (I won't bore you with stories of the academic job market but it suffices to say in both our fields you need to be prepared to move every 1-3 years for about 10 years til you get a permanent position). We dated for 2 years as we completed our PhDs but the plan was to go our seperate ways once we had to move different places.
In due course this happened, I spoke to him and said I had grown to care for him and did he think a future was possible and he said that it could be the worst decision of his life, but he'd spent so long pursuing his career that he didn't want to give it up and wouldn't feel comfortable with me making a bunch of sacrifices to follow him around (my field is a lot easier to find work in).

So with that we broke up. Initially I felt immense relief, since I'd known the split was coming for so long and now it had happened, but as the weeks went by I missed him more and more. I did OLD but wasn't massively motivated. I had a few dates lined up with different guys but hadn't gone on them yet when I receive a message from my ex (just over a month after we split).

He said that he had regretted the split immediately, but thought about it for a month to make sure he wasn't just being hasty. He said that he couldn't believe he had given up our relationship for his career. That the years we had dated were the happiest of his life and that he regretted that it had taken us splitting for him to realise this. He asked me if I'd consider taking him back and said he still wouldn't be comfortable with me sacrificing my career to follow him so he was going to finish his current post and find a more traditional job near me where he wouldn't have to move. Additionally he suggested we work on our historically poor communication going forward if I took him back.

Since the reason we'd broken up was the lack of future and mobile careers and not lack of love, I accepted him back. He has honoured the better communication thing and we are saving for a house together.

I didn't contact him when we broke up and I wasn't going to. It honestly never occurred to me that he'd change his mind.

HGKPG Tue 28-Jul-20 22:42:09

Mountains your post sounds like me. I sit here bawling my eyes out at the thought I've lost my ex and am heartbroken right now. I'm really wishing this would change. Its nice to hear a positive story

Mountainsandhuts Wed 29-Jul-20 00:05:24

Yeh it certainly sounds similar. I'd still advise you to take time to grieve your relationship and move on. Figure out what you will or won't accept from a future partner and if he changes his mind you can decide if he meets your needs. Don't wait around for him. Your best future could be with someone else, or single.

Bathbrush Wed 29-Jul-20 00:18:39

I was devasted when I split with my long term partner 7 years ago, we didn’t speak for about 3 years and then 4 years ago we bumped into each other and he started phoning and texting, then turning up to see me, we were just friends for about 2 years and then we got back together, still together now and happy.

faithmorgan Mon 07-Sep-20 02:21:38

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Ilovetheseventies Tue 08-Sep-20 21:55:05

I suspect his excuse is not the real reason he has left you. He doesn't love you anymore that is the reason. If he loved you he would not let you go. So just forget about him and accept the harsh reality of it.

Lizzie523 Wed 09-Sep-20 02:19:52

Yep know exactly the kind of the pain you mean. You will get through it, although it may not feel like it now. flowers

My ex left me and begged to have me back just over a week later. He laid it on thick with long supposedly romantic emails and told me he had never loved anyone as he loved me. He ripped my heart out when he broke up with me. I was devastated and I could never trust him again after that.

I've bumped into him a few times since and feel totally confident with the decision I made. He seems to have got quite stuck in life whereas I moved on and did lots of great things.

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