We rely on advertising to keep the lights on.

Please consider adding us to your whitelist.

loader

Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

I think I need to leave my boyfriend, but I can't, can I?

(298 Posts)
Gooseforchristmas Sat 20-May-17 11:03:33

We've been together for six months. He is needy, and, dare I say it... Emotionally abusive. I have DC from my last relationship to think about. House is all mine and he lives an hour away. Sounds simple, right? Except I'm 8 weeks pregnant, and suffering from terrible morning sickness, meaning I can barely function, let alone look after the Children​ properly.

What the fuck can I do?

rockabillyruby82 Sat 20-May-17 11:07:28

Kick him out. Morning sickness is temporary.
Have you anyone IRL who can help you out?

Bringmewineandcake Sat 20-May-17 11:08:48

Leave him flowers

HipsterRaccoon Sat 20-May-17 11:09:14

You have to leave him, it would be incredibly unfair on your children for you not to. Do you have any other options for support? Do you want another child?

rockabillyruby82 Sat 20-May-17 11:09:59

Sorry, just re read and he doesn't live with you.
Like I said OP, sickness is temporary, you'll get through it.
If you're not happy, end things.

Brogadaccio Sat 20-May-17 11:10:38

Draft in that one big favour. Get somebody to mind your kids, have a termination and then get him to leave. Draft in friends and family to be in the house when you tell him.

If you have his child then you will make your own life a million times harder. An abusive jilted xbf will never co-operate with a woman who has split up with him to allow her some free time. You have children already so you've already been the mother of small children for some time. Don't sign up for another 20 years.

Brogadaccio Sat 20-May-17 11:11:43

He doesn't live with you!? Relief. End it by text.

qazxc Sat 20-May-17 11:11:47

I can sympathize with the horror of morning sickness. The first trimester was the worst for me. But it will be gone in a few weeks.
It's better to end the relationship sooner rather than later imo.

spangleknickers Sat 20-May-17 11:15:49

Please end this. 6 months in and he is already EA? Don't end up like me. End it!!!! Trying to extract myself from a horrific relationship with a controlling narc who is EA after 13 years. Don't let this be you. If you want to keep the baby, you can. HArd choice but you could also terminate this pregnancy medically at this early stage. If you keep the baby, don't put his name on the birth certificate. I WISH somebody had given me this advice years ago

Ellisandra Sat 20-May-17 11:19:57

Terminate. Get an abusive man out of your life and especially out of your children's. Move on. Address reason for contraceptive failure if applicable.

If you continue the pregnancy do it single.

explodingkittens Sat 20-May-17 11:22:11

End it today, via text.

You could choose to terminate or, if you decide to proceed with the pregnancy, don't put his name on the birth cert.

You are not tied to this man if you don't want to be. Best of luck.

ijustwannadance Sat 20-May-17 11:24:24

So you got knocked up by someone needy and EA after knowing him for 4 months.

I agree with others. I would terminate pregnancy, get rid of twat and concentrate on the children I already had.

Gooseforchristmas Sat 20-May-17 11:32:00

Yes, I did ijust sad

I don't think I can terminate. I really don't sad

My last relationship was very abusive. Violent etc. It's hard enough co parenting with him! He doesn't see the children much.

I know I can cope on my own. ExH left me with four children including a newborn. But I don't think I can cope with this sickness.

One friend had agreed to do school runs for me but then she herself got quite poorly and definitely can't do it now.

I'm a bit worried about people saying terminate to get this man out of my life. In hindsight I think he got me pregnant to keep me. So I'm worried he's going to use this baby as a fucking pawn if we break up sad

Gooseforchristmas Sat 20-May-17 11:33:58

Baby will be breastfed - how the hell would we work out contact?

I gave exH an hour a fortnight (when he turned up!) with our breastfed baby, but he lived locally. Current DP lives an hour away.

CrimsonKing Sat 20-May-17 11:35:10

I agree with the others who have said terminate. If he is going to use the baby as a pawn and you are already struggling emotionally and financially then I think it is selfish to bring a child into that environment.

Focus on the child you already have.

SuperintendentChalmers Sat 20-May-17 11:35:31

Surely it's also your choice to get pregnant though.

If he's horrible and you know this after 6 months then get rid of him

Gooseforchristmas Sat 20-May-17 11:38:27

He's not completely bad - he's taken over everything while I've been sick. Housework, kids, cooking, feeding pets, gardening. But then ruins it by acting like a 14yo boy and claiming that "no one puts him first". I can't deal with it while I'm this ill.

You need to get this man out of your life and out of the lives of the four children you already have.

qazxc Sat 20-May-17 11:39:34

Don't worry yourself with contact arrangements. This isn't an issue that urgently needs addressing.
The fact that you need to extract yourself from a unhealthy relationship is far more pressing.

expatinscotland Sat 20-May-17 11:42:14

Get a termination. Otherwise you'll have this abusive twat in your and your children's lives. And you'll have to work that much harder for provide for 5 rather than 4 children.

Gooseforchristmas Sat 20-May-17 11:42:16

And the only way is to have an abortion? Is everyone unanimous on that? sad Fuck.

CandleLit Sat 20-May-17 11:43:39

Okay, so do nothing and accept that he helps and then acts like a 14 year old. It's a valid choice.

expatinscotland Sat 20-May-17 11:44:43

'Current DP lives an hour away.'

How is he doing 'everything' when he lives so far away? He must be exhausted doing this on top of his job.

CandleLit Sat 20-May-17 11:45:25

I'm not suggesting abortion is the alternative choice BTW. We had a cross post there.

Waltermittythesequel Sat 20-May-17 11:46:28

Nobody can make you terminate, though it's a perfectly ok and sensible decision should you chose to.

There's no shame in concentrating on yourself and the four children you have.

Either way, you need to get this toxic fucker out of all your lives.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now