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Relationships

Man I am seeing had sex with a colleague whilst we are dating...

46 replies

PollyAndy · 19/05/2017 18:40

Hi,

I am a regular poster on here but I have name changed for anonymity.

I am feeling very confused right now, and I have in the past struggled to navigate OLD. I have been 'seeing' a guy for the last month, we have been on four dates so far. We have loads in common and our dates have lasted for hours at a time. We talk daily.

On the 3rd date things got pretty steamy and we ended up having sex. I then messaged him later that day to say that I didn't want to continue a sexual relationship with someone when I wasn't sure if they were sleeping with other people. He responded that this was fine, he didn't want to sleep with other people nor was he looking to, and he wasn't a 'player'.

Anyway cue today at work. I am gushing about new guy to some of my work colleagues and one woman looks very embarrassed. She came over to me at the end of our work day and she said had met the same guy I have been seeing and they'd had casual sex only last week. This was after he'd told me he didn't want to sleep with other people.

My immediate reaction was anger at being lied to. Then I spoke to a couple of my friends who said I was overreacting as it was still early days, we barely know each other and there was no formal or explicit agreement for commitment. Another said he is just keeping his options open and probably told me he didn't want to have sex with other people so as not to scare me off. Whilst I can see their points of view, I can't shake the fact he lied to me about not wanting to have sex with other people.

Should I cut my losses with this one, or is this par for the course with OLD?

OP posts:
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Underthemoonlight · 19/05/2017 18:42

Cut your losses if he was into he would only see you. God knows how many others there are

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AnyFucker · 19/05/2017 18:43

There is no excuse for lying

He lied no matter what justifications folk try to make for him. Bin him off.

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Allthebestnamesareused · 19/05/2017 18:44

Was his encounter with her before his with you?

Maybe he has realised he likes you and means there will be no further encounters now you've done the deed, especially if she was before you.

Also are you certain she is not just saying it to burst your bubble?

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PollyAndy · 19/05/2017 18:46

The encounter with the colleague happened after he had slept with me. Also I am certain she isn't lying as she showed me their email exchange from the dating website.

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twisterinyogapants · 19/05/2017 18:47

Cut it off now. There was no reason for him to lie to you.

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LedaP · 19/05/2017 18:48

How do you know she is telling the truth?

How did she know it was him?

Thats a huge coincidence. Almost too big.

When did he say he didnt want to see other people, in relation to when she slept him?

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mustiwearabra · 19/05/2017 18:50

Honestly, if he'd done it before he told you he wouldn't sleep with other people then I'd say let it go but he did it after.

Also, any grown man who uses the word 'player' is to be binned. Onwards and upwards OP!

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MinorRSole · 19/05/2017 18:51

I would get rid! I might be getting old but when did expressing exclusivity become a thing? When I was young it was just a given really.- there wasn't any awkward discussion about it.

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Trickycat · 19/05/2017 18:52

He sounds like a cheat. Will you trust him in the future? I would bin him.

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TheLegendOfBeans · 19/05/2017 18:52

One for the scrap heap I think.

Keep your expectations high OP.

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GeekyWombat · 19/05/2017 18:52

Cut him off. It's not the sleeping with someone else, it's early days and as long as you both agree the rules of engagement about it it's fine. It's the lying, bin him. You can do better.

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HildaOg · 19/05/2017 18:53

Why don't you ask him? When were their messages from?

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ProphetOfDoom · 19/05/2017 18:53

As he said he wasn't looking to sleep with other people/wasn't a player but then afterwards did have casual sex with your colleague he's clearly not truthful. Appreciate the sex but bin him. The early signs are there - don't ignore them.

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TheNaze73 · 19/05/2017 18:59

I thing she's bullshitting

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TheNaze73 · 19/05/2017 18:59

Think even

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NashvilleQueen · 19/05/2017 19:00

Blimey what are the chances?! Do you live in a small town?

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PollyAndy · 19/05/2017 19:03

Yes I am from a small village. I was quite blown away too. But definitely not BS as I have seen the email exchange between them.

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ohfourfoxache · 19/05/2017 19:05

Get rid of him and fast.

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Dozer · 19/05/2017 19:07

Lying is shit: stuff that.

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Maudlinmaud · 19/05/2017 19:09

Dump. Ghost. Whatever. But don't waste your time.

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Lochan · 19/05/2017 19:09

Get rid. He's lying to you three dates in? Why would you waste your time?

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PollyAndy · 19/05/2017 20:31

Seems pretty unanimous then

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Trills · 19/05/2017 20:36

If you believe that this did actually happen, and that it happened after he said he would not sleep with anyone else, then I agree that you should stop seeing him.

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scoobydoo1971 · 19/05/2017 22:51

Pathological liars do not make good bed fellows...best to get yourself checked out for sexual health matters if you didn't use protection, as he may be sleeping around quite a lot.

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Trills · 19/05/2017 22:52

That's not a pathological liar.

Just a regular common or garden liar.

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