Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Man I am seeing had sex with a colleague whilst we are dating...

(47 Posts)
PollyAndy Fri 19-May-17 18:40:11


I am a regular poster on here but I have name changed for anonymity.

I am feeling very confused right now, and I have in the past struggled to navigate OLD. I have been 'seeing' a guy for the last month, we have been on four dates so far. We have loads in common and our dates have lasted for hours at a time. We talk daily.

On the 3rd date things got pretty steamy and we ended up having sex. I then messaged him later that day to say that I didn't want to continue a sexual relationship with someone when I wasn't sure if they were sleeping with other people. He responded that this was fine, he didn't want to sleep with other people nor was he looking to, and he wasn't a 'player'.

Anyway cue today at work. I am gushing about new guy to some of my work colleagues and one woman looks very embarrassed. She came over to me at the end of our work day and she said had met the same guy I have been seeing and they'd had casual sex only last week. This was after he'd told me he didn't want to sleep with other people.

My immediate reaction was anger at being lied to. Then I spoke to a couple of my friends who said I was overreacting as it was still early days, we barely know each other and there was no formal or explicit agreement for commitment. Another said he is just keeping his options open and probably told me he didn't want to have sex with other people so as not to scare me off. Whilst I can see their points of view, I can't shake the fact he lied to me about not wanting to have sex with other people.

Should I cut my losses with this one, or is this par for the course with OLD?

Underthemoonlight Fri 19-May-17 18:42:10

Cut your losses if he was into he would only see you. God knows how many others there are

AnyFucker Fri 19-May-17 18:43:10

There is no excuse for lying

He lied no matter what justifications folk try to make for him. Bin him off.

Allthebestnamesareused Fri 19-May-17 18:44:15

Was his encounter with her before his with you?

Maybe he has realised he likes you and means there will be no further encounters now you've done the deed, especially if she was before you.

Also are you certain she is not just saying it to burst your bubble?

PollyAndy Fri 19-May-17 18:46:41

The encounter with the colleague happened after he had slept with me. Also I am certain she isn't lying as she showed me their email exchange from the dating website.

twisterinyogapants Fri 19-May-17 18:47:23

Cut it off now. There was no reason for him to lie to you.

LedaP Fri 19-May-17 18:48:45

How do you know she is telling the truth?

How did she know it was him?

Thats a huge coincidence. Almost too big.

When did he say he didnt want to see other people, in relation to when she slept him?

mustiwearabra Fri 19-May-17 18:50:04

Honestly, if he'd done it before he told you he wouldn't sleep with other people then I'd say let it go but he did it after.

Also, any grown man who uses the word 'player' is to be binned. Onwards and upwards OP!

MinorRSole Fri 19-May-17 18:51:43

I would get rid! I might be getting old but when did expressing exclusivity become a thing? When I was young it was just a given really.- there wasn't any awkward discussion about it.

Trickycat Fri 19-May-17 18:52:29

He sounds like a cheat. Will you trust him in the future? I would bin him.

TheLegendOfBeans Fri 19-May-17 18:52:37

One for the scrap heap I think.

Keep your expectations high OP.

GeekyWombat Fri 19-May-17 18:52:49

Cut him off. It's not the sleeping with someone else, it's early days and as long as you both agree the rules of engagement about it it's fine. It's the lying, bin him. You can do better.

HildaOg Fri 19-May-17 18:53:10

Why don't you ask him? When were their messages from?

ProphetOfDoom Fri 19-May-17 18:53:19

As he said he wasn't looking to sleep with other people/wasn't a player but then afterwards did have casual sex with your colleague he's clearly not truthful. Appreciate the sex but bin him. The early signs are there - don't ignore them.

TheNaze73 Fri 19-May-17 18:59:40

I thing she's bullshitting

TheNaze73 Fri 19-May-17 18:59:46

Think even

NashvilleQueen Fri 19-May-17 19:00:38

Blimey what are the chances?! Do you live in a small town?

PollyAndy Fri 19-May-17 19:03:27

Yes I am from a small village. I was quite blown away too. But definitely not BS as I have seen the email exchange between them.

ohfourfoxache Fri 19-May-17 19:05:02

Get rid of him and fast.

Dozer Fri 19-May-17 19:07:40

Lying is shit: stuff that.

Maudlinmaud Fri 19-May-17 19:09:18

Dump. Ghost. Whatever. But don't waste your time.

Lochan Fri 19-May-17 19:09:35

Get rid. He's lying to you three dates in? Why would you waste your time?

PollyAndy Fri 19-May-17 20:31:31

Seems pretty unanimous then

Trills Fri 19-May-17 20:36:36

If you believe that this did actually happen, and that it happened after he said he would not sleep with anyone else, then I agree that you should stop seeing him.

scoobydoo1971 Fri 19-May-17 22:51:31

Pathological liars do not make good bed to get yourself checked out for sexual health matters if you didn't use protection, as he may be sleeping around quite a lot.

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: