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Domestic violent, twat going for custody - help

(26 Posts)
Tiredofstruggling1 Fri 19-May-17 10:31:02

Background, changed the locks and got his abusive arse out.

He is not on the birth certificate.

He is now asking to be added (wants parental responsibility) - can I refuse?

hellsbellsmelons Fri 19-May-17 11:13:59

Yes you can refuse.
I've no idea of the legal route he would need to take though.
How old is DC?
How long have you been separated?
How much contact has he had with DC since the split?
Would he be abusive to DC?

MartinaMartini Fri 19-May-17 11:21:02

Absolutely refuse! Someone bettee informed than me will be along shortly. I'd say time to get yourself a shit hot solictor!

Voice0fReason Fri 19-May-17 12:24:36

If he can prove paternity then he can be added to the birth certificate. He has the legal right to pursue that.

FeelTheNoise Fri 19-May-17 12:31:26

How recently did he leave? Do you have any evidence of his abuse?
Now is the time to build a professional support network

DawnOfTheMombie Fri 19-May-17 12:32:09

He'd need a court order to compel you for a DNA test - that he'd have to pay for via a court approved company like Cellmark - so expensive. Then another court order to be added to the birth certificate and gain PR. Then another court order for access. Gaining access is a lengthy expensive process anyway without the extra he'd need to do. Court would look at his DV history etc. They are very thorough. Could take over a year.

Tell him to go to a solicitor.

I'll bet he doesn't bother once he realises monetary and time cost. Just another way to try and bully and or control you.

FeelTheNoise Fri 19-May-17 12:33:42

He can apply to have parental responsibility, and unless there are serious safeguarding reasons, he'll be successful.
How old roughly is your child? Do you have a plan for his contact?

PoorYorick Fri 19-May-17 12:35:14

Of course you can refuse. And I don't believe for one second he will go to any of the effort, cost and trouble of proving paternity, let alone going for custody. These men threaten that to scare you, not because they love their children or want to take any responsibility for them.

It actually makes me laugh when violent men who can't ignore their kids fast enough suddenly decide they're going to fight to take on almost all the responsibility for then. It's a scare tactic and nothing more. Posturing arsehole.

Hissy Fri 19-May-17 12:35:30

He's blustering. just stay calm and wait it out. I doubt he'll actually do anything about it.

PoorYorick Fri 19-May-17 12:36:14

By refuse, I mean you can refuse to add him with the situation as it is; as another poster points out, he can be added if he can prove paternity. I doubt he'll bother though.

gamerchick Fri 19-May-17 12:38:35

Try not to panic, they ALWAYS do this.

Tell him to see a solicitor and try not to think about it.

Now he is out the house he'll try to make your life a misery. Every time he's at the door making a pest out of himself ring to police to come and remove him. Keep a log of everything.

Good luck.

Changedname3456 Fri 19-May-17 13:34:45

Are you going to want/need maintenance from him? The flip side to the equation is that he can refuse the CMS on the grounds he's not on the BC. You'd then have to go through the DNA stuff to prove he's liable.

I don't know if that then makes his life easier with establishing PR or not but it removes the expense (for him) of testing.

What do you mean by abusive in the context of your relationship? You have DV in the subject - has this ever been reported to Police etc or will it just be your word against his? Proving he shouldn't have contact may be more difficult if there's not a history you can point to.

category12 Fri 19-May-17 13:39:24

If you don't need the child support money, then I would just ignore him and let him pursue it through the courts if he wants.

Make sure you document any poor behaviour on his part, past and present as best you can.

JustWingingItAgain Fri 19-May-17 20:35:31

Check out the child law advice line - even phone them if worried.

(1) He needs to get to know the child before PR is given

(2) family court is unlikely to change current residence arrangements

(3) birth re-registration apparently is done by a higher judge not the usual family court ones (been told that today by my solicitor)

RunRabbitRunRabbit Fri 19-May-17 21:16:29

Has he asked in writing or verbally?

RunRabbitRunRabbit Fri 19-May-17 21:17:13

He's winding you up. He'll get bored and move onto something else if you ignore.

Tiredofstruggling1 Sat 20-May-17 08:16:44

Thanks all. He sent an email asking.

prettywhiteguitar Sat 20-May-17 08:18:32

Go to your local women's refuge there will be an advisor there who can go through the legal process with you. You might be able to stop him from contacting you or pulling shit like this

Tiredofstruggling1 Tue 23-May-17 22:47:12

Thank you all. Have had a threat on social media from his so called mate, threatening to physically assault me.

Hissy Tue 23-May-17 22:47:52

Report it to the police

ImperialBlether Tue 23-May-17 22:48:31

The more of those you get the better your situation in court will be!

AlternativeTentacle Tue 23-May-17 22:48:42

which you have screenshotted of course?

category12 Tue 23-May-17 23:04:38

Any harassment you get, from any source, record and report.

MooMooCat Tue 23-May-17 23:50:28

Report the threat.

Tiredofstruggling1 Wed 24-May-17 11:20:14

Yes screenshotted and backed up.

Sly devious pair tried to remove it and then deactivate social media site and it was too late, got screen shots.

My question.. If I am being made to feel threatened and intimated by him or his associates, do I have to facilitate contact or do I have grounds to back it off or make it in a public place rather than my home?

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