Hi new here,
I've been browsing for a while but I've never posted, however I think I need to get some opinions from people who don't know me or my not so DH.
Back story - Together almost 15 years, married 8. We have two DC aged 10 and 13.
We got together when I was 18 and had our first child quite quick in to the relationship. Over the years we've gone through a lot, depression, our youngest was always in and out of hospital for years with asthma issues. I suffer from anxiety and depression and have done since our eldest was born. Over the years H has been on work nights out, some I've been told about before hand, others he has just gone out and not told me, ignored my calls and messages and rocked up anytime from 3am to 12pm the next day. Due to our sons health I was a SAHM until 2012 and have been working since. His job is in the City and is a hour commute door to door so he is gone from 7.30am until 6.30pm which means the majority of the childcare is left to me which is fine, I work in a School so the hours are perfect and holidays.
The last few years he has got better, I get told in advance and he keeps in touch. There have been a few occasions he has gone out but completely ignores me and has come home at 8am. Those times have been when something has been bothering him, and he uses alcohol to block it.
In general we have a good relationship, plenty of date nights and weekends away just us two. If he isn't at work then he's at home. He never goes anywhere weekends.
Moving on to tonight...
He had a corporate day out with his company, it's not far from where we live, half hour drive give or take with traffic. It started at midday and he said he wouldn't be home too much later than normal, all fine. Spoke to him at 7.30pm he said they were packing up, and waiting for the grand finale etc. Since then he hasn't spoken to me. He wasn't on WhatsApp from 7.30pm until 1.20am. He read the messages ( doubt he's read them properly as he's more than likely steaming drunk ) so I called him at 1.45am, no answer. Sent a few messages to say how cruel he is being and what the hell is wrong with him. He's not been on since 1.20am.
I can't sleep, never can when he is out as my anxiety goes through the roof. I just don't understand why he is doing this, what does he gain? It's impossible to talk to him when he does rock up home as he's so drunk that nothing gets through to him. When I go on work nights out I never do this, I wouldn't dream of it.
The kids are older now and not stupid. If he isn't home by the time we get up for school/work at 6am, I'll be left having to explain it. They'll get upset and not want to go to school, this happened in January. I lost my sh*t and walked out the house, ended up at my doctors and signed off work with stress and anxiety. Granted I was in a bad place with my job at the time, I'd spent weeks telling H how bad things were, he kept telling me to speak to someone but I didn't and then I completely broke down. His reasoning for staying out until 6am that time was because I was giving him stress all day at work, and he had his own work stress going on.
I just don't know what to do anymore. This isn't healthy. He always says sorry and he won't do it again. Ha! I don't want to split up my family, it would hurt my children and in my job I have witnessed what divorce can do to children.
I'm just at a loss. I don't even cry anymore, I just get angry. Why does he treat me like this?
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Can't take anymore of this
Weebleswobble1010 · 19/05/2017 03:10
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