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Problem with Sisters and loneliness

(7 Posts)
seaurchin2016 Thu 18-May-17 23:39:56

I have two younger sisters. The middle one hasn't really spoken to me for about 20 years. The other only speaks to me when I make all the effort. Both have friends and go out drinking and buy birthday presents etc for them. I haven't had birthday or Christmas cards for about 25 years from them even though I send cards to them. I only get one card for my birthday - off my husband. They have big families and I've just got my husband. I am retired now. My husband's family are mainly all dead. So, I have no-one really. My sisters wouldn't really miss me if I died. I feel so neglected and lonely. I've asked them what I have done wrong and they say it is because I live 20 miles away - half an hour's drive. Both sisters have cars and drive all over the place.
I would like to read what you all think about the situation and possible solutions.

Holland00 Thu 18-May-17 23:42:36

How about inviting them both round for dinner?
Out for a coffee, meal, drinks?

Maybe try and talk it out face to face?

Howie your social life?

saladsmoothie Thu 18-May-17 23:50:35

I'm sorry you feel sad and lonely.

You seem resentful that they have full, busy lives while you are neglected on the sidelines. It is important to remember that the only person responsible for your happiness is you.

jouu Fri 19-May-17 03:19:55

OP, do you have any friends of your own? Social life? Most people don't socialise much with their families, usually they have a social circle that they pass the time with and I'm wondering if that might be a better thing to cultivate than your sisters, who sound like they are doing their own thing?

OliviaStabler Fri 19-May-17 06:18:07

As harsh as it sounds I would stop making the effort with them and start building your own social circle. I recommend meetup.com for a way to meet new friends and acquaintances, changed my lonely life.

Good luck op flowers

Squishedstrawberry4 Fri 19-May-17 06:33:10

can you start making friends? Be proactive and invite people to things.

Lissette Fri 19-May-17 07:13:07

Sometimes family dynamics can be like this seaurchin. It's frustrating if you seek a close family relationship and 'familiness'. But some families aren't built like that - the myth that's sold is we should be close but many people don't have close sibling relationships. I know it's very lonely. I have physical and emotional distance with my family ( they live abroad and are estranged) and I mourn the family I would like to have. It's just me, dh and ds and possibly fil who is nice but very introverted. I've emigrated too so had to build a new friendship network.

Now​ here's the thing to do ( as others have said here wisely) - build your own network of people who are there for you. I have a new widowed friend who doesn't have kids and who is a bit motherly to me. My own mother is not emotionally engaged with me so I've sought to build relationships elsewhere. It does take a bit of time but you can do it. The old saying is true: you can't change how people behave, only your reaction to it. You may have to employ this with your sisters.

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