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Living with the legacy of childhood abuse V2

(6 Posts)
mayhemensues Thu 18-May-17 21:55:48

So, I'm afraid I feel the need to come to you guys, who have been so helpful in the past.

My earlier post (2010) https://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1009583-Living-with-the-legacy-of-childhood-abuse

So much has happened since then, both good and bad- but right now, I'm really not at peace with anything at all. I suppose the main points to note are:

- my DSIS and I have reached a point where we have been able to talk about it with each other for a few years now.

- I've never got round to getting any professional support- I've had little chance until recently- but don't feel able to deal with it at the moment.

-I have been gradually building up to breaking contact with my parents completely

- in February I found out my husband had been having an affair for 9 months - I think we are trying to make it work

- 4 weeks ago I hand delivered a letter to my parents cutting contact- with explanation given

-2 days ago I pointed out to my aunties that I had cut contact- they don't seem terribly surprised.

I can understand the concept of why I feel so wretched and so not at peace- but I don't know how to make it go away? If only someone could tell me how long it'll take before it gets better

jouu Fri 19-May-17 03:35:38

What a rough time you've had. Can you begin counselling sometime soon ish? It's unlikely you'll feel much better until them tbh... I speak as someone who had a very abusive childhood followed by a lot of parent issues, and therapy...

Graphista Fri 19-May-17 03:44:37

Our stories are incredibly similar except it's pushed my sister and I apart as she is in complete denial (the real thing not the flippant version on USA tv shows) about our childhood to the point she 'remembers' things that never happened but has blocked all the bad stuff.

I have no advice as I'm still working through it 30+ years later.

Just wanted you to know you are not alone flowers

mayhemensues Fri 19-May-17 22:46:33

Jouu, thank you for your reply, sorry to hear you've suffered- I just don't seem prepared to face counselling at the moment - I was in a place to face it years ago- but the opportunity was impossible for me to take up at the time.

Graphista
Sorry to hear you are in a similar situation 😔 it's alarming what we can forget isn't - although I think it's there deep down - ready to real it's ugly head.

Jazzywazzydodah Sat 20-May-17 00:11:53

Hello may

I went through child abuse too and feel as though I'm coming out the other end (hopefully)

You have been through such a traumatic time recently so no wonder you are all over the show.

Well done for going NC with your parent. I know how hard that is. I've gone NC with mine although they were not my abuser - they failed to keep me safe and contributed to me being in vulnerable situations because of their shit parenting - and I feel like a huge weight has been lifted.

Please stop saying you are weak (2nd abuser) I was told by a phycotherapist thst abuser can spot vulnerable people and target them. So it wasn't your fault - ever.

For me I had to do a lot of self healing and discovery. Lots and lots of reading and self help for abuse survivors. My sessions with my psychotherapist made me messed up and I couldn't continue.

I don't think we can ever be 'fixed' but I think if you try every thing to fix yourself you can find some balance.

Im here if you need a chat flowers

Jazzywazzydodah Sat 20-May-17 00:16:19

One fabulous piece of advice I was given was that I should imagine my self as the little girl I was when it started and what I would say to her now, how would I look after her, how would I comfort her/me and tell myself what I'd do to help 'me'.

It sounds really weird but it actually soothed something inside me after I practiced it a while x

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