Not sure if this is correct topic but here goes.
Name changed since but some posters might remember my old threads about my DPs bad (aka non existent borderline hate) relationship with my parents due to work situation gone wrong.
I have come to accept that they don't and will probably never get on as both sides have to completely different views on the past situation. It hurts me. A lot. I've always been a family person and its family that brought me the most joy. I was over the moon when me and DP started seeing each other and to top it off him and my parents got on brilliantly and him and my DF were very close.
I now have my own family with DP we have a DS (2.5) and a LO on the way (shhh it's still a secret).
Things haven't been great recently, me and DP seemed to have detached from each other DP even said that it feels "like we're just living together" , I'm quite self conscious at the moment and we have not been intimate nearly 2 months now (might sound like not a long time but for us it definitely is).
I'm very closed off and don't talk much as once I start talking about my emotions I usually cry and it makes me feel weak and pathetic.
Despite what I just mentioned DP says he still finds me attractive and loves me etc and I don't feel anything when he says that, I feel like I don't believe him.
Recently another issue cropped up where DP said he would not like DS to sleep over at my parents as he doesn't trust them and he also feels uncomfortable at the thought of them babysitting him on their own without me there (even without sleeping over) but he said he understands that the situation is hard for me and I have to choose what's right for me at the given time.
I stayed over at their house a couple of nights ago with DS as DP was away for work and I work evenings so it helped me as they could put DS to bed as I get home past his bedtime. That was okIsh with DP as I was also staying there. The next day I left DS with my DM for about 2hrs whilst I nipped home and took the opportunity to clean and do the laundry toddler free. DP called me around that time and I said that I'm just at home and DS is back at my DMs and said why, he said that its ok and I don't have to explain myself. But he came back from his work trip and we didn't even kiss to say hi properly not a cuddle or any form of physical contact, we are even more detached than ever. We've spoken briefly and DP said that he understands that I do what I think is right but he cannot help the way he feels about it so I can't expect him to just be ok with everything as he feels he has no say in his DSs life/care and that he always backs me 100% with his DMiL and FIL but he understands why I have to make decisions like that sometimes. This comes across passive aggressive to me as in "i want you to think you have a choice but if you make the choice I don't like it will affect our relationship".
I just feel so deflated today both sides have told me they don't expect me to pick a side but it feels like sooner or later I'll have to because no matter what I do I will always upset one side be it DP or my parents. I'm thinking about the day this LO arrives and DP walking out of the room when my parents come to visit at the hospital and I'm welling up. Feels like everything in my life will always be overshadowed with this sense of loss and sadness and tiptoeing around the situation to try and keep both sides borderline happy but no one will ever be really happy.
DP told me today to make a list of the things I want for us looking into the future, how I see this situation and how I see our daily/weekly routine in terms of making time to see my family etc but I feel like there will always be a loophole and something will be amiss/changed or mixed up.
In truth I feel like I don't know how to be happy anymore and I don't know what I want for myself this situation is squashing me into the ground like a bug and I can't get back up. I'm just so sad and I realise this post will probably just sound like an incoherent ramble of a lunatic in comparison to other problems people face in life so apologies. I'm not sure if I'll get any replies to this and I don't even know where to start with my list my head feels like it's about to implode.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Am I wrong? Can this work?
sortingmylife · 18/05/2017 16:54
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