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Buying wife clothes

(74 Posts)
user1487166445 Thu 18-May-17 09:32:09

I recently bought my wife some new clothes - lingerie, a dress and a top. I used to buy clothes occasionally for partners in previous relationships and I've bought clothes for my wife before now. Some were well received, others not so. Anyway, this time she freaked out, got upset and wouldn't speak to me for days. Can anyone tell me why she might have had such a reaction? Thanks.

ravenmum Thu 18-May-17 09:33:08

Ask her why.

KungFuEric Thu 18-May-17 09:34:49

What did the clothes look like? I'm thinking they may have been not her usual style/revealing and she's taken it as a message from you that you want her to look and dress like someone she's not to please you.

Melstarrynight Thu 18-May-17 09:44:25

Did you buy completely the wrong size?

TOWIEngland Thu 18-May-17 09:53:15

A few years ago I went completely off sex with dp because of his controlling behaviour. He responded by buying me 'sexy' underwear and I was furious. Does that ring any bells?

user1487166445 Thu 18-May-17 09:55:11

The sizes were correct. The clothes were not overly revealing and I chose things which I thought would suit her and they were similar to other items she has. My thoughts are that it is to do with a perception of me controlling her. I just think if our relationship was good then she would be happy to receive presents...

Smeaton Thu 18-May-17 09:56:41

You need to ask her.

It could be a million reasons.

ravenmum Thu 18-May-17 09:59:20

Your wife was upset for days, yes? Did you ask why during that time?

Demesne Thu 18-May-17 10:04:17

Me, personally, if a guy bought me clothes I'd think he was a fucking weirdo. I'm not a doll he can dress as he pleases, and unless you literally work in the fashion industry or have amazing style yourself, I wouldn't take a man's advice on style anyway. It's pretty well known men haven't a clue what women want in underwear (tip: comfort, not lace) or clothing (tip: flattering, not revealing.)

OK, so you've bought her clothes before and sometimes it's not been well-received. Take the hint! It's creepy. Maybe you come from a culture where men buy the women's clothes so they can always be dressed to your 'standards'. Whatever the reason, stop it. It's weird. She's an independent human being, not a baby that needs its outfits bought on its behalf.

Being given clothes by someone else is them basically saying "I want you to look like this." So you've given her things that have made her feel bad about herself, because a) they're tight and revealing, and that isn't who she is and she is upset you think she should wear such stuff, b) they're massive and baggy, and that isn't who she is either, so she's upset you think she has to wear such stuff, c) the items are too young or too old, and she's upset because you apparently don't know how old she is, d) they're completely wrong, stylistically, and she's upset you don't seem to know her style, e) they're over-the-top 'sexy' and you've basically slapped down some stuff and demanded 'be sexier', which is upsetting.

Frankly, it's controlling. It's saying "these are the things I think you should wear" and that the things she buys herself and likes are 'wrong' somehow.

And yes. Your relationship is clearly in a bad place and you just made it worse. She doesn't have 'a perception' that you're controlling her, you just chucked down a bunch of bloody lingerie and PROVED it. Icky.

But that's pretty par for the course. If any relationship is in a bad place - one person's feelings are hurt, one person feels alone or scared or bullied - then buying shit isn't going to help.

Another tip. If she says you're controlling, why not, OOOH, stop telling her how to dress?

AgathaF Thu 18-May-17 10:06:30

Is it usual for your wife to be upset with you and ignore you for days and not say why? That sounds like an extreme reaction. I suspect there's more to this. Either this is typical behaviour for her, or there is something of a back story.

ravenmum Thu 18-May-17 10:09:13

Did your wife say you were controlling, or is that just your "thought", as you put it? Have either of you said what you were thinking at all?

Smeaton Thu 18-May-17 10:12:29

Jeez Demense

I bet you don't get many Christmas presents.

"Perfume? Don't tell me how to fucking smell"
"Jewellery? Don't dress me up like a doll"
"Pyjamas? Don't tell me what to sleep in"
"Chocolates? Don't tell me what to eat!"
"A book? How very dare you try to tell me what to read!!!!"

Women buy clothes for men all the time and not once have I ever heard that its controlling and awful and yadda yadda. Its usually because they think theorn/OH might like it or look good in it. Why is that so bad for a man to don't he same? (Obvious fetish and sex wear not included)

NataliaOsipova Thu 18-May-17 10:20:26

My first thought is that you bought her something "sexy"/too short etc. Otherwise, if it was stuff in (nearly) the right size, from a shop that you know she likes and/or frequents, then I can't see a major problem.

pieceofpurplesky Thu 18-May-17 10:20:33

Can you show us the dress? Link to it?

kel1493 Thu 18-May-17 10:22:07

I wouldn't like my husband to buy me clothes. I prefer to choose clothes myself.
Sexy underwear or lingerie I don't mind. I've often said he could surprise me by choosing something he would like. But never clothes.
Ask her

BeepBeepMOVE Thu 18-May-17 10:23:20

Not speaking to you for days? Sulking?

IF this were reversed everyone would say that was abusive.

lovelycuppateas Thu 18-May-17 10:24:37

My partner bought me a woolly hat once. It was the worst hat ever. Green and flowery with a pompom, ear flaps and long braids, made me look like a demented middle-aged pixie. I didn't fall out with him over it though!

To be honest, if my partner bought me clothes like you're describing - top, underwear etc, I'd feel uncomfortable and like he was trying to dress me up in clothes he liked. This may be hypocritical as I buy him t-shirts all the time, but I think there is a really different gender dynamic (men don't really have the equivalent to "sexy lingerie" for example) and it's a bit silly to pretend otherwise. Women often feel self-conscious about their body size and shape as well - it's probably wiser to stick to hats!

MumIsRunningAMarathon Thu 18-May-17 10:24:54

I think the problem here is 'lingerie'..

mariakenny Thu 18-May-17 10:27:41

Just like your other threads - you have a weird attitude to your wife's body. You don't own her.

maras2 Thu 18-May-17 12:12:07

Jeez.I bet it was red,scratchy undies.

MysweetAudrina Thu 18-May-17 12:19:44

Depends what you bought her and why you bought it for her really. My dh wouldn't buy me clothes as once when he bought me pyjamas and day underwear he just looked at the girl on the picture and thought I looked around the same size. I ended up with size 18-20 pyjamas and a 32aa bra. I was a size 10 and 36C at the time. I have bought my dh jumpers or shirts over the years if I saw something that I thought he would like. I often buy my ds24 clothes for birthdays and he always likes what I choose for him but it's normally stuff I spot that I know they would like not stuff I would like them in. It depends really if you have been critical of her look lately or if you wanted her to look a certain way just to satisfy your ego. Maybe you spent too much money on them, there could be lots of reasons. You won't get your answer on here as only she knows.

FuckYouLinda Thu 18-May-17 12:23:59

Kind of a clothing version of a shit sandwich. A few nice items that you think she might wear with some godawful nylon 'lingerie' oh-so-innocently mixed in.

You must think she's stupid.

AgathaF Thu 18-May-17 12:52:04

A few nice items that you think she might wear with some godawful nylon 'lingerie' oh-so-innocently mixed in - we really don't know that he has bought awful lingerie, or that that is what has upset the wife.

TBH I think it sounds like the wife has over reacted, but I also think there must be some back story here. A quick look at the OP's previous threads does indicate that all is not well. Unless the OP comes back to explain more then we can't know.

Atenco Thu 18-May-17 12:52:17

I hate presents of clothes, personally, because they are always just a bit like my style, but not my style. Likewise I never, ever buy my adult dd clothes because again I never quite hit on her style.

mrholmes Thu 18-May-17 12:55:40

I have to say that I do find that quite strange. If somebody bought me clothes I'd be thinking 'is this how you want me to dress'

I had to tell my mum once to stop buying me clothes. That upset her, but it it upset her once and not every time she bought me something and I didn't like it.

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