When I was 16, I had a boyfriend who really wasn't a good guy. I was at a vulnerable stage in my life and battling eating disorders. A lot of self loathing was going on from my point of view.
This boyfriend used to get really upset if I didn't have sex with him. He was 2 years older. He had a high sex drive so wanted to have sex up to 3 times a day. I would be in pain and I'd tell him that, yet he'd beg. I wasn't allowed to talk to other boys/men at all. He smashed up many of my phones. When things got to there worst, I told him it was over and he actually held a knife to his stomach and said he wouldn't want to live any more. I said I'd stay. When things got worse again, I tried to leave but he told me he would send explicit images of me to my parents if I did. The whole situation where in me going to the police (I only told them about the pictures thing). They gave him a warning and that was that. Over 10 years ago. Things that happened still play on my mind. I feel like I did things I shouldn't have done in that time. I tried drugs with him (something I massively regret). My parents didn't like him and I suppose weren't very kind to me through the whole situation. I was distant with them and they've never known why i was so distant. I feel like I carry a lot of regret from that time. I suppose I'm just trying to make sense of what happened. He was my 1st boyfriend.
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Movingforward87 · 17/05/2017 18:46
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