Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Living with someone who has mental health issues

(15 Posts)
Confusedcubed Wed 17-May-17 12:19:14

Hi all

Really interested to hear from other people who living with someone who has mental health issues or people with mental health issues.

At the moment I'm really struggling to deal with it. No matter how much I read up about it online I still don't understand or know how to help DW.

It feels like when things are great, it's meh, when things are bad, it's a f disaster.

I'm trying to be as supportive as possible, but it is taking its toll on me. It feels like if I have a rest or if I'm having a bad day everything collapses no one is there to support me if I'm in need.

It's really hard when you are trying your best to help and what you get back is a meh at best.

Any advice?

Picklepickle123 Wed 17-May-17 12:28:18

It can be really hard to be strong for someone else if you're feeling rubbish yourself. Is there anyone you can talk to on the days it all gets a bit too much? My DH loves talking to him mum! Even if you're not talking about the problems of the day, it can be a good way to relax.

I would also look into what support is available for you DW. If she's suffering, there are options for her from a medical point of view, so even getting her onto the waiting list for CBT might be a first step.

Justmadeperfectflapjacks Wed 17-May-17 12:30:07

My exh had mh issues. .
Sympathy /compassion etc aside please don't accept twatism as a symptom. .

Justbreathing Wed 17-May-17 12:37:10

Mine had MH issues for years. Try and get a counsellor to talk to yourself. Sometimes you feel so isolated because you don't want to burden them with your struggles
I did, all I wish is I had done it earlier.

smu06set Wed 17-May-17 12:47:40

"It feels like when things are great, it's meh, when things are bad, it's a f disaster. "
This is pretty much a one sentence summary of depression. Thats exactly how it makes you feel.
It sounds like you need someone to talk to. Friend? Family? Even a therapist. Dont try and do it on your own.

Hermonie2016 Wed 17-May-17 13:17:44

Is she getting help? If the MH issues are not being addressed it's very tough for you to continue supporting with no end in sight.

Confusedcubed Wed 17-May-17 13:46:53

Thanks for your responses.

DW had signed up for CBT, but bailed out at the last minute before the first session.

I'd like to talk to a professional, but I didn't think they would be interested as I don't have MH problems.

AndTheBandPlayedOn Wed 17-May-17 14:04:18

You need to understand that you need your life. It is a wonderful thing that you are her care provider, but being engulfed and so enmeshed with her issues will eventually pull you down and create your own problems.

Make time for yourself. Pay attention to the three cornerstones of health: good nutrition, exercise, and adequate sleep. These are minimums and are not selfish.

You can not make her seek help. She must decide to participate in her own recovery. No one can do it for her. But this is a threshold of sorts where you can put your own limit on your sacrifice (for self preservation- perfectly valid).

I agree with the suggestions that you seek a counsellor for yourself. This is difficult and you need support. I see a counsellor as my dd has severe mh problems. I go once a month and it really makes a difference.

Good luck brew

Justbreathing Wed 17-May-17 15:44:22

You can go and talk to a professional about your shoelaces if you so wish! If you're seeing someone to help you talk, you can talk about anything
And living with someone with a MH problem, especially who struggles to seek help (as mine did) is so hard
People really don't realise how hard it is.
you feel you have to be strong
But you need support.
And the problem with friends or family, is mostly they just don't understand it. Or how it is for you. I found that friends were just a bit "well he looks ok"
Seek help!! I waited 8 years and I wish I had gone earlier

redannie118 Wed 17-May-17 15:54:32

My DH has bipolar and I really get where you are coming from. One of the hardest things is the burden of responsibility -feeling that they get to "opt out" of sorting out the mess they leave behind, while you have no choice to deal with it.
One thing I will say is you have to give some "tough love". For me that making sure DH takes his meds and keeps his doctors/therapy apps. You also have to stand firm on unacceptable behaviour-just because they have MH does not give them a get out of jail free card-they have to accountable for their actions. I have had many many times when it's been so hard I have been on the verge of leaving, but the good times in between make it worthwhile. If your whole relationship good or bad is just "meh" you really need to consider if it's right for you.

PoloStar Wed 17-May-17 16:02:27

I lived with a guy who had depression. He worked from home, I went out to work. I would get home to find he hadn't got off the sofa all day, had been playing computer games etc, and then he refused to come upstairs to bed, because going to bed properly meant that there was going to be another day he couldn't face, so he'd stay on the sofa all night.

I found a therapist and self referred. I paid for about 6-8 weekly sessions to deal with my ability (or lack of!) to cope with DP and the whole situation. I left - if I hadn't, I would have had a nervous breakdown dealing with him and other issues. I am a natural "fixer" - I wanted to make everything better - the therapist made me realise that the only person who could fix DP was himself, and that I was going to break myself trying to do it.

LovelyBath77 Wed 17-May-17 17:00:57

There is a good site, called Out of the FOG which might be helpful.

DancingLedge Wed 17-May-17 17:11:44

Actually I went to Dr, who referred me to Wellbeing, who gave me counselling, and then some amazing CBT.
All because I was close to the end of my tether, living with a family member with MH issues.

This issue can be huge, and you need support, for you
Best wishes

wicks101 Wed 17-May-17 21:26:03

Out of the blue (at least to me) my wife developed MH issues in the early 2000's that led to a suicide attempt and her being sectioned and in hospital for nearly a year and a further relapse a year or so later that led to another long period in hospital. I had no experience of this and struggled to understand an illness that wasn't physical - I learned and saw a lot more of the mental care system than I ever wanted to know - both state and private. At the time we had 3 young sons and obviously trying to hold down a full time job, look after the children and support my wife was beyond exhausting (and led me to resent her which I know is wrong) so I understand how you feel. On the positive side she is (as far as I know) pretty even now with the help of medication and has not had issues for a number of years. I learned that mental health issues are not to be ashamed and can be controlled but its a long road. I also learned that the most unlikely people can be helpful and supportive when these things happen (and vice versa). All that said we are now divorced - it is something our relationship just never recovered from. I am sure there are many stories with better endings ! Not sure any of this rambling helps you but I wish you all the best.

cestlavielife Wed 17-May-17 22:33:17

Look at "depression fallout" site
Speak to Mind and Rethink about support for carers
Yes go to gp and ask for free nhs counselling for you

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: