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Weird confusion...

(10 Posts)
RachelA1 Wed 17-May-17 11:21:54

Hi all, I found some viagra in my partners study. It happened like this - we're having a baby and we started sorting the study out in order to convert it into a nursery. I opened a drawer and found a padded envelope and said, what's in there? Quite innocent, didn't cross my mind it would be anything even a bit interesting. Partner distracted me and took the envelope. I noticed he put it next to his desk on the floor, but because I was distracted with whatever he said I didn't think about it again until later. The next day when he was out I decided to see what it was or if he had hidden it. He hadn't, so I looked and was shocked that it was viagra from an online pharmacy.

Now the thing is, I have asked him in the past if he wanted to play around with little blue pills when we have our 'no kids' dirty weekends, and he was intrigued, so I assumed he knows it would turn me on.

I have been watching the supply since, and I know he isn't cheating, a quarter of a tablet (they're 100mg so he doesn't need full strength!) disappears every time we have sex, but only on the occasions where I have mentioned I'm horny earlier in the day therefore he can 'prepare' for it. I have noticed that if he hasn't taken one (spur of the moment sex) he either can't come or doesn't last very long, or loses his erection part way through.

Now my questions are: why hasn't he discussed it with me, given that he knows I would like to experiment? And why hasn't he hidden them? The envelope is right there, and he knows I go into the study to use the computer sometimes (or tidy up, occasionally!) so why hasn't it occurred to him that I might find them? Or does he want me to find them? He has been stressed lately, he has 'provider panic' because he is the earner, and he is applying for new jobs (he's a high flyer and loves that he earns well but this causes some stress), we are renovating the house in order to sell it, but does the fact that he needs viagra add to his stress, would me knowing make it easier for him to open up? He doesn't talk to me about his feelings much, he's very much a provider, one who looks after us and I guess he doesn't feel enough of a man if he needs help in any way. I'm thinking deep down he's a caveman! But genuinely wonderful, loving, caring and generous.

Does anyone have any advice, or similar situations? Did you let on you knew, or did you forget about it and let him have his secret? At first I felt betrayed but now I think it's just because he has trouble with erections otherwise, and I just wish he could have spoken to me about it. Soooo confused!!!! By the way, he's in his early forties and is confident in himself. Thanks in advance!

category12 Wed 17-May-17 11:26:16

Since you know why he's got them now and that he's using them with you, I would probably leave it.

pancakesunday Wed 17-May-17 11:30:20

Do you think he might have been embarrassed that you found them? It really doesn't sound like anything more than that from what you're saying. I wouldn't worry - maybe mention it to him & agree to throw them out if it's upsetting you

RachelA1 Wed 17-May-17 11:37:34

I did some Googling on the subject and the general consensus was to leave it, but then I got to thinking, why leave them in such an open spot, it's almost like he wants me to find them so he doesn't have to pretend any more . He can't be thinking that by leaving them where they are I'm not going to find them. But I don't want to make him feel embarrassed or inadequate, so if bringing it up would do that I will definitely not say anything. Oh I wish he would talk to me about it, or hide them somewhere he knows I am never going to find them!

Justmadeperfectflapjacks Wed 17-May-17 11:39:18

Maybe he just wanted you to think he was naturally a stud??!
Leave it be as long as you know the pills are for your relationship only. .

Happybunny19 Wed 17-May-17 11:43:45

I would imagine it's just down to embarrassment, especially if he's reluctant to open up. I would leave the discussion unless an opportunity comes up naturally to talk.

josuk Wed 17-May-17 11:44:34

Men are people too. And stresses and pressures affect them.
And the idea that they have to be always ready, up for it - every time - i can't even begin to imagine how i'd feel in their place.

He is clearly not taking them because he wants to 'experiment' with it with you.
He is taking it because he feels he might disappoint you and feels a bit of performance pressure.

Best thing you can do is leave it. Let him 'save face' and keep his dignity.
You already have a lot of stressors in your lives - baby, house, etc.

This is a non-issue. Don't make it into one.

RachelA1 Wed 17-May-17 11:49:34

Ok, thanks everyone. I've decided for sure now that I'm not going to mention it. I know that if he mentions it I'm absolutely fine with it and it isn't going to be a problem for us, but while he isn't saying anything, nor am I. I wish he knew it wouldn't be a problem if he did admit what he was doing but I guess that's up to him. Thanks again everyone, you've been really helpful :-)

TheNaze73 Wed 17-May-17 11:55:39

Some males will naturally badge up, sexual function with masculinity. I think he's probably embarrsssed & think you should leave well alone

noego Wed 17-May-17 13:20:08

A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do.

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