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Husband doesn't want sex any more?

(7 Posts)
TexasPete Wed 17-May-17 00:48:09

I think it's because I'm pregnant.

Our sex life was great but it took a nosedive when I fell pregnant with DD1, who is now two. Usual stuff, tired, stressed, DH weirdness about sex while pregnant hmm but we were starting to get back on track again. We started TTC (casually) and i fell pregnant the first month. We were both pretty shocked by the speed of it.

I'm now 32 weeks. We've had sex three times since I found out this time round, right back at the beginning. I have been quite unwell this time round so in fairness to him that's maybe a reason why he backed off initially.

But I've felt better for the past month or so. He says he feels odd about it, especially as we can feel and see the baby moving. I have a decent sized bump but I'm not enormous.

He's still very affectionate and I have no reason to believe there is anyone else etc. But I feel rather hurt tbh. Like I'm gross or something.

Anyone else experienced this?

GnomeDePlume Wed 17-May-17 04:43:24

I dont think it is about your DH thinking you are gross. As you say he is very affectionate towards you.

Actually if this is what he is feeling then I dont think this is an entirely bad thing as it means that he is already seeing the expected baby as a real person not just a bump.

Talk to him about it but dont try to make him feel pressurised to have sex with you. His feelings are valid. Not wanting to have sex with you doesnt mean he isnt attracted to you just that he doesnt want to have sex with you when there is someone else in the room!

My DH was similar. It made him uncomfortable to feel that there was someone else present. After each of our DCs was born we went back to our sex life very quickly. Albeit constrained by us having small DCs and being generally knackered!

I think there is sometimes a misconception that all men want to have sex all the time and women are reluctant participants.

Where you are now isnt forever. In a happy long term relationship the sexual aspect constantly evolves.

GnomeDePlume Wed 17-May-17 04:48:31

Sorry, reading back my post my second paragraph is a little ambiguous. It should read:

Actually if he is feeling odd about being able to feel and see the baby moving then I dont think this is an entirely bad thing as it means that he is already seeing the expected baby as a real person not just a bump.

scottishdiem Wed 17-May-17 13:39:40

I think its also about what men think what should be happening. How many women post on here complaining that their partners want sex when they are pregnant?

TexasPete Wed 17-May-17 16:04:50

I guess. He'll say things like "you weren't well so figured you wouldn't be up for it" which I recognise is a good thing, but on the other hand, isn't that for me to decide?!

I would never make him feel pressured into it though.

Happybunny19 Wed 17-May-17 17:06:06

I had this with my DP during all 3 pregnancies. He explained that he didn't not fancy me but felt wrong while he was looking after me. I'm not sure if I'm explaining very well, but it was meant in a very caring way.

As soon as I was up to it after birth he was back to normal and I was horribly fat then, so he can't have been put off by my body.

Aquamarine1029 Wed 17-May-17 17:09:17

Honestly, I do not think he finds you unattractive. I would be willing to bet that he consciously or unconsciously feels that he might somehow hurt the baby. Normally this isn't true, but it's very hard for a man to relate to how his pregnant wife feels.

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