Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Feeling shocked

(11 Posts)
Coffeegrain Tue 16-May-17 22:31:31

Perhaps I should be over it, I'm not sure.
Divorced 8 years ago, had a few short relationships and in 2015 had a long distance relationship for a year. The plan was I was going to move to be with him.
After my divorce he was the first person I nearly gave everything too. I loved him and all seemed promising. March 2016 we had a planned pregnancy, was ectopic and I had months of hospital visits. He then ended it posting pictures on Facebook with OW.
I feel like I've had a breakdown in the last year but have kept things going.
Now I hear the OW (also a LDR) has moved the other side of the country to be with him.
My heart has sank, that was supposed to be me...
Any thoughts as to how I move forward from this latest hit? There is so much I'd love to say to him (and her) but know I never will.

Tiredbutnotyetretired Wed 17-May-17 00:00:42

Why and how are you hetting updates on his life? Surely that is twisting the knife? Go no contact, advise all your friends that you dont even want his name mentioned again, only then will you be able to start to move on propperly. Heartbreak is awful and an uphill climb but you will get there in time, focus on you and only ever you, try to look at it from the perspevtive that he is her 'problem' now.
Cant remember the saying but its something about creating a vacancy when men do this and leave for OW flowers

Aquamarine1029 Wed 17-May-17 00:08:27

First of all, STOP looking at his Facebook profile. You are accomplishing nothing other than keeping yourself stuck in the past and consumed with resentment. Secondly, you move forward by actually moving forward. Looking at his Facebook is totally keeping you trapped in the past. Start doing things for you and life will work itself out.

Coffeegrain Wed 17-May-17 00:12:36

Thanks for your reply.
I'm not getting updates from him. Chatting to a work friend about exes and looked OW up.. I've blocked her following a horrendous message receive from her last year. Then I saw the update.
I'm already no contact and have been since July last year.,
I can't seem to think bad of him. My self esteem must be shot. I feel like he was my 'last chance'..
a lot came to light as it was a LDR. He cheated on his wife with me (he told me they were separated). By this time I was in love with him and planning a future. I truly thought it was real. Now he is into the next one. From what I see, she's a smitten as I was.

Coffeegrain Wed 17-May-17 00:14:09

I don't looked at their profiles, I've blocked them both. This just happened to come up today and it's hit me like a ton of bricks

Tiredbutnotyetretired Wed 17-May-17 00:20:56

Stay no contact, do not give them any satisfaction by seeing you hurt.
Get some rest if possible, take each day as it comes, try to just let go. I found that on times of heartache that listening to or reading Buddhist teachings and meditating have really helped. You are well rid of him! She is not any better than you btw, this is all to do with him, his loose morals and selfishness, nothing to do with you. Keep your head held high and focus on your future x

Coffeegrain Wed 17-May-17 00:27:13

Neither of them will ever see me hurt. I'm deeply hurt. The fact that I could have potentially died and lost the future I dreamed of.. a baby that will never be. It's just disregarded, like it didn't happen. But it did - for me.
I've been keeping very busy and working extremely hard. It's put tobthe back of my mind as I don't really have the time to deal with it.,I'm a single parent with limited support.
This new OW doesn't realise I don't think what he did to me, she's moved her life for him in a very short space of time.
Yes I'm focusing on my future but I'm still hurt and nowhere even near contemplating another relationship

TheNaze73 Wed 17-May-17 07:30:09

OP, you must channel all your energy through your self & use it as a springboard to the rest of your life. Don't be het up on how neither of them fully realise, what it's done to you. They really won't & don't give a shit.

Coffeegrain Wed 17-May-17 09:00:31

Thanks Naze, yes you're right. Neither of them do give a shit. I don't understand though how he could do it so quickly afterwards. I guess I'm looking for answers I won't get. I am moving forward only it's slower for me. I guess I'm feeling a bit sorry for myself. Others have moved on and I feel stuck and have resigned myself to being single forever. I simply could not take any more heartache

isitjustme2017 Wed 17-May-17 13:27:25

HI OP. Firstly sending you flowers and so sorry you're going through this. Ditching you for OW was bad enough but, after what you went through with your ectopic pregnancy, this is a further twist of the knife.
Try to focus on what a complete shit he has to be to do this to someone. Then focus on how he will move onto the next victim and OW will be as devastated as you.
He will never be happy but you can be in the future.

Coffeegrain Wed 17-May-17 21:10:57

Thank you. Yes he certainly is capable of cheating. She's moved her life to be with him. A friend said with them well, which actually I'm struggling with.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now