It's a hell of a position that he put your friend in, she can hardly refuse to let your DDs dad take her (much as he was being a massive bell end). It's him I'd be pissed off with, not her. She really was put in a tough position.
Yes...mine told me that all our mutual friends hated me and always had.He engineered a meeting with my best friend after we'd split to try and persuade her that in fact he hadn't lied or been shagging my other friend for a year and a half.She was my best mate and handed him his arse, obviously.Im not sure what else he expected.He called a third friend when I had put emergency but perfectly good child care arrangements in place when I was unexpectedly late back from something one night, and acted as if I had abandoned the children on the streets. Again fortunately she knew the kids were absolutely fine and happy and ignored him, before ringing me to tell me and wonder at what a dick he was being.Its all part of how they try to (sometimes not so) subtly undermine you and control you, whilst massaging their own ego. I've no idea why they feel they need to-but it seems fairly common.At first I found it hurtful, then infuriating.Now I just find it quite funny in a way...
I have sometimes been caught in the middle of things like this. I've noticed the mums always do whatever is best for their child, the dads always do what they think makes them look best to the outside world. If I were your friend I'd be thinking that your x is a tosser and pleased you weren't still together.
Or perhaps he just wanted to spend the time with his daughter... did you originally ask him if he could take care of her?
I've seen other threads on here where at least some of the posters agreed that if one parent was free, but the other was working during what was their contact time, that the free parent should insist on hanging on to the dc rather than someone random looking after them.
YANBU to be annoyed that he stepped in with your friend without talking to him first, but possibly a bit U if you didn't at least give him the chance to have the extra time with DD.
If you needed childcare and your DD's dad is happy to have her then surely that should be the first choice? I'd be annoyed if I my child was being looked after by someone else when I would want to spend time with them. Unless there's more to it, I don't see the problem.
There is more to it, unfortunately. DD did not like going to her dad's as he usually ignores her and when he pays her attention had no concept of what a 6yo is like. That makes things awkward enough, but then he is determined to get "his rights" and have as close to 50:50 contact as he can (which is great in one way as he spent almost no time with them at all before we split and this had been better for them - I've watched their self-confidence improve as a result), so then returns them late or keeps them overnight, whatever we agreed. There's also the aspect of undermining me.
Anyway, I did catch up with friend and thanks to those who said she'd see through it - you were right. She said it seemed like power play, but she didn't feel she could say no to the dad... Just as you all said. I feel like we've got a bit closer as friends as a result, and I could have made things awkward with the text I was thinking of sending, so thanks!
Did she go willingly when her dad picked her up yesterday?
If she did it may be a sign that she is getting over any concerns that she had or even that she only said she didn't like to in order to try and protect your feelings?
With neonrainbow and other pls on this, despite what your relationship may be like, your DD also needs a relationship with her dad and having him do his fair share of childcare - including weekday nights over if necessary - can only be good all round.
I have some sympathy with his reaction and it may not be a power trip or all for show. He may just want time with DC and even if he only realised how much after you split
If the roles were reversed would it also be unreasonable?
e.g He is due to have her for a couple of days as he is not due in work. He gets called in at the last moment and arranges for a friend to have her for a few hours but has not called to check whether you are available.
Not saying it is exactly the same and you would (or would not) go round to pick her up from the friend's; but I suspect you would feel put out and that your DD would be better off with her mother than a family friend or a friend of her father's