Need support through first stages

[TheSunnySide]

DH has left and says he is going for good. He has done this before and this time I am trying to do what I said I would which is to just let him go. It is very recent and he has left because he finds it unbearable living with me.

He says we will sort out what we do in the next few weeks, hasn't taken anything but some clothes (I assume) and phone chargers. His whole life is in this house including our child. He has not been in contact with our child at all in the last 36 hours and I don't know where he is staying but his isn't an affair situation.

I am trying to keep things normal for DC but questions are startignabout where dad is.

I am not sure what to do. I don't want to tell DC anything without having spoken to DH first but I am holding off contacting him as what I really want to say is please come back and try for the sake of DC but I really think it has gone past that.

I am trying to be strong, going to work, collecting DC from school, avoiding social media and have only told my sister.

I know from having been through hard emotional times before hat things will gradually get better and there will be a new normal but I am just so sad and so scared for my DC. We have always managed to pretty much keep our personal issues out of our DC's life, have been to counselling and so on but seem to be just completely incompatible and unable to make things right.

I think I just want some words of strength from people that it will be OK and me, DC and DH will find our own new normal without too much heartache.

[TheSunnySide]

How do I know this is the right thing to do? It seems wholly wrong to me but I am so angry with him for just walking out and leaving me with the childcare. It is so easy for him to just go while I am left dealing with the emotional impact on me and DC.

I have started writing and then deleted several emails basically asking him to please come back and try again, that I will change, that it will be ok. However I don't know if I can live like that as it puts me on notice and all my emotional responses to things will need to be checked. I am peri menopausal and have had a tough few months but this inability to live together in harmony has been going on much longer.

[TheSunnySide]

I will continue to live here with DC. DH says he will find another place to live and support is financially.

[category12]

Keep on track, don't beg him back, he's done it before and he would do it again, and it's no way to live. You're doing the right thing. It will get better.

[TheSunnySide]

DC asked today where daddy has been sleeping, I explained he is with grandpa at the moment. As far as I know that is where he is but he has not been in touch with DC since leaving. He is doing his usual school pick-up tomorrow. DC seems un-phased at the moment and has only really started asking questions since the initial ones.

I feel so sad for DC, like we (or DH) has not tried enough and doesn't feel it is important to keep in touch with DC. If this were the other way round there is no way I would be able to stay out of touch with DC for four days.

[TheSunnySide]

Finally got to speak to DH. He is basically staying with friends and family and won't come back even until he finds a place. We haven't told DC and probably won't until DH is settled. Bit unsure what to say if DC asks outright as not sure if it is best we tell him together.

[TheSunnySide]

Thanks Karma. DH will roll his eyes at me reading another book but I will hunt it out. He has been very critical of me reading up about parenting as that is one area that we disagree.

I find it so so weird that DH has gone and yet DC (I have only one but was trying to ne vague so I don't identify myself) has not mentioned him at all today. Not asking any questions about where he is. It makes me sad. I feel most distressed when I think about his future and how he will be effected.

[TheSunnySide]

As if by magic he just asked me when is daddy coming home and why has he been away so long. When I said he is coming tomorrow he said 'to stay? He has to stay'. So hard.

[TheSunnySide]

Please does anyone know if there is a general support thread for those going through splitting up ?

[Squirmy65ghyg]

It sounds like you'll be better off without him.

The bit where you say all your emotional responses need to be checked - do you walk in eggshells to not set him off?