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Relationships

Please help, child welfare issue

26 replies

Namechanged1234567 · 16/05/2017 13:05

I've posted about this before, although things have no taken a vey bad turn.

Here's a quick recap......

(DP and his ex wife have a 3 year old child. They separated when their child was newborn. Ex wife has mental health issues which she is medicated for and a history of violence and drug abuse but had appeared to have left that in the past. She had been on the straight and narrow since her and DP got together.

DP's child spends every weekend with us. I have DC from a previous marriage and we have a baby of our own.

A couple of years ago ex wife got a new partner. DP wanted to meet him if he was going to be spending time around his child but ex wife refused. I came on mums for advice and was told that it was none of DP's business and he was controlling for wanting to meet this new man. He never met him.

So yesterday DP received an email from ex wife partner. He said that ex is selling herself for cocaine, had a threesome which was filmed and her child walked in during it, that his child was taken to hospital for swallowing cocaine and a few more horror stories.

DP immediately went to fetch his child without telling the mother what it was about. His ex then sends DP a barrage of messages saying that the police are involved and that he has a history of violence, firearms offences, robbery and burglary and has been to prison while they were together......)

So fast forward a month. DP returned his child to the mother 2 weeks ago as she had moved up north and was staying with her parents. He didn't want to withhold her without a court order.

His ex is now refusing to allow access saying she doesn't trust him.

We sought legal advice. The solicitor said first port of call was the police and SS. The police carrie out a welfare check and apparently all was well.

Much to our horror after contacting SS we were told his child had had a welfare case open since AUGUST LAST YEAR and no one had thought to inform her father!!! Apparently it was to do with the mother's partner. She was told that if she continued to have a relationship with this man her child would be taken into care. She had to report to a centre regularly with her child so they could see she wasn't harmed....

Just absolutely shocked SS didn't contact us.

DP contacted the mothers partner yesterday and he has sent evidence that they were still in a relationship and smoking cannabis regularly up until a few months ago.

We want to ty and get an emergency residence order and are going to court on Thursday.

Any advice please?

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Namechanged1234567 · 16/05/2017 13:10

We have an appointment with the social worker tomorrow morning in order to get copies of the file to take to court.

We contacted the police child protection who have been involved, they said social services should have contacted the father straight away and that we need to deal with this via SS rather than the police.

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TripTrapTripTrapOverTheBridge · 16/05/2017 13:29

Why are you in contact with the exes 'partner' when he is the one SS have an issue with? Don't you find it a bit strange that he's trying to help you remove the child, therefore getting at the mother, given the circumstances?

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Namechanged1234567 · 16/05/2017 13:51

He contacted us initially, There has been no contact with him since, apart from yesterday.

He is allegedly unaware of ss involvement. We wanted to know when their relationship ended and wanted proof of this, which we now have.

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Isetan · 16/05/2017 14:07

Your DP has contacted the man who was deemed to be a risk to his child and said man, is apparently going to provide evidence that he was still in contact with your DP's Ex. Why is so much trust being placed in someone who has been assessed as a threat his child? Even stranger, is that this man has already lied to your DP in the past about his abusive behaviour.

I understand and support the desire to gain residency but teaming up with the man who was deemed a threat to the child, just seems inexplicable and will only complicate the already dysfunctional relationship between your partner and his Ex.

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Namechanged1234567 · 16/05/2017 14:12

DP wanted to know if his ex had continued to have this man around his child even after ss said the child would be taken into care if she did.

The only two people who could give him this information were his ex or the partner. The ex has continually lied. the partner, although no better, has provided DP with evidence that the relationship continued up until a few months ago.

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FormerNymphet · 16/05/2017 15:15

A thousand times yes. Gather up all the evidence and give it to SS.
The child is not in a safe environment!
I find it disgusting, but unsurprising that SS did not contact the child's father.

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TripTrapTripTrapOverTheBridge · 16/05/2017 15:54

Name but have you not wondered why the heck he would be helping you like that? Think about it. This isn't as clear cut as you seem to think it is and you could end up getting things very wrong. You cannot trust this man and should not rely on him so much.

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Ffsherewegoagain · 16/05/2017 15:56

You need to not be involving this man!!

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FormerNymphet · 16/05/2017 16:35

You need to be talking to SS not her partner. Ask them to visit and check on the child because you have concerns.

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Gallavich · 16/05/2017 16:41

Well I gave you advice on your last thread which was to make an application to court before returning the child. If you had done so she would have been safe and you would have known about the children's services involvement.
Now you need to speak to your solicitor, not mumsnet.
When you have the energy to do so, you should make a complaint to children's services for not informing you about the investigation. However they may have asked the ex for his details and she may have said she doesn't have them. Seems unlikely since the kids had contact but possible.
Can you tell us what type of plan the child is on?

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Namechanged1234567 · 16/05/2017 16:47

Thanks gallavich. I was not comfortable with dp handing her back and said he really needed to get an order in place. It was ultimately his decision though.

He was always hopeful that the mother would do the right thing and wanted to avoid court if possible. It has really gone past the point of no return now and he is applying for full residency.

We are seeing his solicitor tomorrow but I wanted to get as much info as I could from all sources.

Not sure what plan she was on, we are seeing ss tomorrow morning to get copies of the files. What kind of plans are there? I'm unfamiliar with the whole thing.

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Gallavich · 16/05/2017 16:50

Child in need plan which is aimed towards providing support for families where the children are likely to fail to achieve their full postential/development without intervention. (Section 17 of the children act)
Child protection plans are for when the child is at risk of or has suffered significant harm. It used to be called the child protection register (section 47 of the children act)
There should be assessments and meeting minutes for you to read.

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Namechanged1234567 · 16/05/2017 16:51

Sorry plan she is on. The case is still open and they didn't know she'd left the county. Apparently there was some mention of grooming... the social worker couldn't say too much as it was over the phone so unsure if the child or the mother was being groomed...

The ex partner has sent pictures of himself with the child dated a couple of months ago, wearing clothes that were bought recently. In some of the they are in bed and the child is in her underwear.

He has also sent dated messages from the mother asking about drugs and plans to move away together. They are screenshots and have other verifiable information.

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Namechanged1234567 · 16/05/2017 17:01

It was a child protection plan I think. Dp said ss had told the mother that her child would be taken away if she continued a relationship with the man.

She also had to report to a centre regularly with the child to prove the child was ok.

We will find out more tomorrow.

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notapizzaeater · 16/05/2017 17:06

Sound s horrifying - can you not get her back even temporary whilst this all happens ?

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Namechanged1234567 · 16/05/2017 17:07

Well hopefully, this is why we're going to court.

The mother is refusing access.

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Namechanged1234567 · 16/05/2017 17:14

Gallavich, do you think we have a hope of getting an emergency residence order?

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Gallavich · 16/05/2017 17:46

It sounds like there is grounds but you really need to speak to your solicitor.

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TripTrapTripTrapOverTheBridge · 16/05/2017 17:51

Again, because you seem to be ignoring the glaringly obvious, there is something wrong with what her partner is doing and you need to avoid him.

Why the hell is he sending you 'proof' of them having still been together when social services had told her it had to end (and don't believe for one second he didn't know about social services involvement!!!).

He is clearly trying to get at her, be careful what you believe and what uou try to use. You say there are photos of him sat in bed with the daughter who is wearing her underwear. If you have an issue with this, then your issue should extend to the bloke in the photo aswell, not just the mother. It's also something bizarre for him to share.

Can you not see that?

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PerfectPenquins · 16/05/2017 18:12

Just be aware if the new home mum now lives in with her parents is clean and suitable you may not get custody she could say she now has live in support to stay on track and start afresh. I hope she does use this to really get straight for her child's sake. Just don't set your hearts on getting custody especially as the evidence comes from a dodgy source.

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Namechanged1234567 · 16/05/2017 18:53

TripTrap, of course we don't trust what he says and he does talk a lot. Yes, he is her ex and is trying to get at her. Clearly we realise this. Regardless, he is the one person who can give us the proof we need to show the court that the mother has been blatantly putting her child at risk. This is important and overrides our disgust.

Social services and the police can deal with him, our priority is the child.

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TheHobbitMum · 16/05/2017 22:40

If this was my child I'd be at my solicitors first thing in the morning, not sure what info you can & can't use but I'd have to find out exactly what I could do to protect the child. Good luck

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Namechanged1234567 · 16/05/2017 22:45

Thanks. Seeing SS first thing, solicitor in afternoon then court following morning.

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YNK · 16/05/2017 22:56

Make it clear to CS that a formal complaint will be made regarding them withholding information from the father and tell them he will be taking over the care of his DD with immediate effect and he expects them to support him in any further court proceedings!
Request to know the team leaders name and also contact details for the director of services.
Request access to all the information on the case immediately.
That will get their arses into gear.

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TheHobbitMum · 16/05/2017 23:06

Good luck OP, it seems like SS have let you all down so far, I'd make a complaint (once you've finished dealing with this situation, I wouldn't want to make anything harder right now). Your SD needs you to fight for her Flowers

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