Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

AIBU not to want to move

(13 Posts)
Eatingcheeseontoast Tue 16-May-17 11:38:21

My DH is u/e and looking for work. He's looking at places away from where we live. Not commutable. If he gets a job it will be well paid, where he's looking I'd be unlikely to get a job as well paid as the one I have.

I know he needs to find a job and the job market is really limited where we live.

On the other hand I earn £50K a year, have a really good pension, and like where we live. I'm settled here, have friends and his family is an amazing support.

I feel like I'd just be trailing along and leaving my career and prospects because he needs work.

Aaargh - I feel like I'm trying to be positive but inside I'm thinking 'but what about me!'.

HildaOg Tue 16-May-17 11:47:27

Stay where you are. Does he drive? How far does he need to travel for work? What days would he be working? He could stay away for the working week to start if employment opportunities are so far away. You can't give up your job and pension. Just don't.

VimFuego101 Tue 16-May-17 11:49:45

Do you have children, or plan to? I would not want to give up a decent support network and good job either. Would you be OK with him working away during the week? Could he commute with the aim of asking his employer for one or two work from home days once he's settled in to a new job?

ZeroFeedback Tue 16-May-17 11:51:32

Not sure why a new job in a non commutable area means you have to move to be honest.

Would working and staying away during the week be an insurmountable problem if DH could earn a similar or higher wage to yours by working away?

Plenty of people do it and you may find that he does not fancy the idea of moving and would work away but worries you would not like it and/or feel unsupported

BluePeppers Tue 16-May-17 11:54:53

Why is your jib and your career prospect notbas I partant as his?
I getvthat finding a job for two people who are highly qualified is hard. And something has to give, sometimes.
However, I'm not sure it should be you by default wo any discussion on other alternatives.

YY about him works away during the week and coming back home at weekends...
Is it likely to be one of those jobs where he is y back home until 7.00 or 8.00pm anyway?

Eatingcheeseontoast Tue 16-May-17 12:09:31

He'd hate being on his own two flights away (still British Isles). I'd be OK with it but he wouldn't.

We're both early 50s and tbh before he left his job I was thinking we'd be retiring in about 6 years and not upping sticks and moving.

HildaOg Tue 16-May-17 12:10:45

Why does he have to be two flights away? Why can't he work locally?

BluePeppers Tue 16-May-17 12:13:14

Oh so because HE isn't happy to move away so far, YOU have to follow and give up everything?

Sorry if he isn't happy to do the travel, then he should look for jobs closer to home.

user1491572121 Tue 16-May-17 12:19:03

Two flights? Where is he looking? The UK is pretty small. He should come home to you at weekends ideally.

yetmorecrap Tue 16-May-17 12:51:15

OP--stay put!! You earn enough that many families would love to live on.
You run the risk of you ending up with the shit job. If its that well paid he can surely do a Monday to Friday let (tons of them around) --and maybe if its that good a job he can maybe do Fridays at home even and drive back Thursday eveings (I know 2 people who do just this, drive up early on a Monday and come back Thursday night)

Imagine if it was the other way around and he had a well paid job here and yous aid, I need to look elsewhere so we all have to move, it wouldnt happen , would it!!

Aquamarine1029 Tue 16-May-17 12:54:25

Why should YOU have to give up a great career because HE wants to move?? Excuse my French, but fuck that. I would absolutely refuse.

StiffenedPleat Tue 16-May-17 13:11:39

Why doesn't he take a less well-paid, less specialist job, commutable from home?

ZeroFeedback Tue 16-May-17 14:05:30

I'm not sure asking anyone to give up a well paid, hopefully rewarding career is the answer either way - man or woman.

I am in a line of work which means I need to commute out of area but have always been aware it could mean I need to work away regularly to develop as I may like.

I would need two flights or multiple train legs to get to some areas I would need to and have done so as and when required but only for a few days every now and then.

I would travel so as not to disrupt the DC or my wife's career even though I would miss being at home all the time.

Is there mileage in finding out why he would hate being on his own so much?

It may be that he has some insecurity about what that would mean for your relationship. Could that be addressed between you?

Is there scope to try it and see how it goes before making any decisions about where you base yourselves?

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: