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how to tell my husband I bought a caravan using my own money.

(32 Posts)
Mojochi Tue 16-May-17 11:24:24

I was left some money by a relative. My son is Autistic and we always talked about buying a motorhome and going around Britain and Scotland thinking that my son would love and it would be great way of getting to see things. We rented one for a week last year and it was a disaster for various reasons on of which was the toilet! Anyway we have discussed other options such as buying a day van and a towing van or a static which I thought was the better option. Well I found this great van in a beatiful location and I bought it using my own money, but I didn't tell my husband as he was away working, I know he will love it it is in ideal location that we still go to the places we want but with no major issues for my son. The question is how do I tell him?

2014newme Tue 16-May-17 11:27:35

You were wrong nor to discuss it with him. Regardless of whether it was "your" money or not it's common courtesy to discuss a major purchase and disrespectful not to. I'd be very pissed off if I was your dh.
Given that the previous caravan holiday was a disaster he nay have been more cautious about this

I don't know how you tell him.

EmeraldIsle100 Tue 16-May-17 11:30:31

Present it as a surprise and if he hates it sell it. I wouldn't be too happy if my partner did this to me. He might love it.

2014newme Tue 16-May-17 11:31:44

How much did it cost?

Justmuddlingalong Tue 16-May-17 11:33:19

I would be delighted if I was your DH! It's a lovely thing to buy and the whole family benefits from it. How about making up a fake brochure to show him. Or just go and when you get there, explain that you own it. wine Here's to many happy holidays.

tribpot Tue 16-May-17 11:33:31

I don't understand why you didn't consult with him - was he not contactable? Did you have to make the purchase on the spot? (I tend to walk away from anything like that).

How would you feel if he made a major purchase with 'his' money without consulting you? That would be the starting point for deciding how to broach this with him.

PigletWasPoohsFriend Tue 16-May-17 11:33:50

I wouldn't be happy if my DH did this or vice versa tbh.

Hiphopopotamus Tue 16-May-17 11:33:59

Are there no such thing as phones when your husband is away working? For goodness sake - I'll never get my head around the amount of married couples who barely seem to talk to each other!

Wolfiefan Tue 16-May-17 11:33:59

Wow. Unless he was working in a place without email or phone contact YABU. You could have chatted to him about it.
It's your money but I still think you should at least have mentioned it to him before going ahead.
It's a static van? Who will pay all the charges?

Neverknowing Tue 16-May-17 11:35:13

I wouldn't like this as your partner. Seems mean to call it your money too, my inheritance is family money for us as all money is. But i guess it's different if you've discussed it before. I would present it as a surprise then he might be excited with you.

Violetcharlotte Tue 16-May-17 11:37:49

Haha! This is the sort of thing I'd do which is probably why I'm single

I'd present it as a big surprise for the family. Hopefully when he sees how excited you are and how fab it is, he'll be pleased. I'd be happy if someone bought a caravan for my family to use smile

Justmadeperfectflapjacks Tue 16-May-17 11:37:57

Be prepared for him to blow huge amounts of cash on a sports car and expect you to love it. .

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 Tue 16-May-17 11:47:39

YABVU. You should not have bought this without discussing it with him.

Joysmum Tue 16-May-17 11:52:59

All money is family money, as long as that is shared equally then there's no reason to discuss purchases coming out of your money.

However, buying a caravan is an exception because it's an ongoing commitment to limit family holidays to that location along with ongoing fees.

You could present it as a nice sprite and hope he's in agreement with your judgement.

ITooHaveBeenThere Tue 16-May-17 11:53:57

Powerpoint presentation, delivered via the TV with a "Ta-da!" and jazz hands.

It's not really comparable with a sports car.

Inheritance is happy money; it's for everyone's benefit; you'd already discussed buying one anyway.

Chestervase1 Tue 16-May-17 11:55:06

Tell him you have bought him a present

morningconstitutional2017 Tue 16-May-17 12:07:20

Could you suggest a weekend away as a surprise? Say it's all been planned. Roll up to it, and hopefully you all have a great time. Then tell him, "it's ours!" I hope it all works out for you.

BluePeppers Tue 16-May-17 12:07:26

Depends on your relatuinhsio really.
For some couples, all money is family money and yes it should have been discussed.
For others, each partner in the couple has its own money and it's theirs to do whatever they want with (plenty of examples of that in MN). In that case, I can't quite see the issue.

RedSkyAtNight Tue 16-May-17 12:08:23

I just don't understand why you didn't discuss it in the first place ...?

The fact you bought it with your money is irrelevant as it involves an ongoing commitment of family time and money. (Unless you're planning to rent it out and not necessarily use it?)

BluePeppers Tue 16-May-17 12:08:33

I would just tell him that you're u have found the perfect van/caravan following your discussion, show him a photo and tell him you've bought it.
(I do hope you've seen it real and have some sort of photos to show him for that?)

bigyellowteapots Tue 16-May-17 12:09:04

Put a bow on it.

but you should have discussed it first.

ElspethFlashman Tue 16-May-17 12:12:50

I'd go ballistic if DH did this. Even if it was a caravan made entirely of gold with a loo pan studded with rubies, parked in Tahiti.

Oblomov17 Tue 16-May-17 12:15:20

I would be most upset. I suggest you tell him as soon as possible and just play it down.... "oh I meant to tell you, but ..... you were...."

drinkingtea Tue 16-May-17 12:16:36

Was he works away in some context which made it impossible to get hold of him (military?) and you were afraid a bargain/ perfect location wouldn't come up again? That'd make it easier to understand and to explain...

2014newme Tue 16-May-17 12:16:42

"i would have told you, but I didn't want to"

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