Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Really need some help

(18 Posts)

MNHQ have commented on this thread.

pinkkoala Tue 16-May-17 10:03:29

I want out of a horrible marriage, he had agreed the separation as well. It's a destructive marriage.
We have one child who is 12, our dd. He is using her as a bit of a pawn in the middle.
Also our joint house, he had said he would try to buy me out as I can't take over the whole mortgage amount in my name, I only earn 10k. Would love to stay in the house with dd until she is 18 and leaves education then sell it. He won't agree. But he is being so difficult and won't do anything on his part to get it done, he is dragging his feet. I can't rent without the money from the house. So I feel trapped here like a prisoner. I can't afford a load of legal fees either.
Where do I go from here how can I have the money from the house or be able to stay here.
I am getting so desperate now.

Thesofaneedsmetositonit Tue 16-May-17 10:05:43

Ask for this to be moved to 'Relationships'.

Contact MNHQ, you'll get so much help over there x

pinkkoala Tue 16-May-17 10:23:56

Also another thing when can I apply for tax credits as i only work part time even though we are in same house together, not by choice though.

pinkkoala Tue 16-May-17 10:24:48

I am not sure how to get this moved to relationship section.

moreshitandnofuckingredemption Tue 16-May-17 10:25:58

If you report your own posts, you can ask for it to be moved

BeeFarseer Tue 16-May-17 10:26:48

Click on your opening post, then report. Ask MN in the box to move the thread for you. flowers

LornaMumsnet (MNHQ) Tue 16-May-17 10:43:29


We're moving this over to relationships now.


whatsmyname2017 Tue 16-May-17 15:56:39

You can't claim tax credits while you're living together. I am currently living with STBXP and Tax credits told me its best to wait until he has moved out (which he is soon).
The only way you could stay in the house is if you can get him to agree to move out but still pay half the mortgage. You can stop him selling it if you want to but you can't force him to move out (unless he is abusive).
Basically it sounds like it would be best, all round, if you either sold up or he bought you out. There isn't much you can do about him dragging his heels, this is the frustrating part. You can't force him to sell or buy you out unless you instruct a solicitor and that would be costly and take a while.
I'm sorry I don't have more practical advice, this situation is awful and have been going through it myself. Thankfully my stbxp agreed to sell the house (and we've agreed a sale very quickly). He has now agreed to move out while the sale goes through but I am covering all the mortgage in this time. I was happy with that as living together was NOT easy.
Get a free consultation with a solicitor and tell him you are doing so, maybe that will move him along! Good luck OP

pinkkoala Tue 16-May-17 16:48:18

Need urgent cheapest solicitor in northampton. Urgently.

pinkkoala Wed 17-May-17 06:10:41

My stbxh has now decided to drag his feet more and go to a solicitor. He knows I can't afford one.
I have suggested to him that he buys me out and I move out with dd and he has her two nights a week while a work.
What do you think solicitor will say to him and how much could this cost. I can't afford legal fees so what do I do.

Hotwaterbottle1 Wed 17-May-17 06:17:26

You can apply for tax credits whilst living together. I just did!

43percentburnt Wed 17-May-17 06:25:44

As pp said I'm sure you can get tax credits.

Mortgage lenders will use tax credits, salary and child benefit (and maintenance). You need to see a mortgage broker. Depending on how much mortgage you require you may have options.

Alternatively Can you go full time at work? Or change job and go full time enabling you to buy him out?

Boooring Wed 17-May-17 06:37:29

I couldn't find a lender for a mortgage who would use benefits or maintenance as income. The most I could get a mortgage for was £3000.

It's hard isn't it. I would say don't leave the house until the finances are sorted and you've got the money in the bank. It might not go your way I'm afraid. Everyone told me I would be entitled to stay in the family home until my dc were 18. Rubbish! I was forced to sell up but it took ages to sell. My ex was like yours, very difficult about the finances and didn't think of the dc.

Can you borrow money for a solicitor, even for a one-off session? I got a lot of advice in an hour and a half and it cost about £250.

Hellothereitsme Wed 17-May-17 06:43:27

You need to see a solicitor. Are there any joint savings that you could use. He isn't dragging his feet by seeing a solicitor he is getting advice. No one can advise you on here. If you cannot afford to pay the mortgage on the house then it will have to be sold as he also needs a house. You can see a solicitor for an hour for about £100 for first appointment. This will give you an idea as to what to expect and then you could do a n online divorce.

pinkkoala Wed 17-May-17 11:48:46

I have already sent the divorce papers to east Midlands divorce centre. So no doubt in my mind that's what I want.
I have rang cab today and got some useful information from them but regarding the house neither can be forced to sell but I have offered him the chance to buy me out and he keep it. I am unable to get mortgage in my name as don't earn much. But need the money from him or the sale to move out.
Yes think I may have to bite the bullet and get hour with solicitor.
I really want out but feel so trapped and he is constantly making my life miserable every day it's like he is controlling the situation.

wannabestressfree Wed 17-May-17 12:00:04

I moved out. Got housing benefit etc as my ex husband dragged his heels to the point the marital home was repossessed. I know people advise to stay put but I wouldn't have stayed there nor put our children through his crap for anything...
that was eight years ago.

pinkkoala Fri 19-May-17 06:07:26

Can anyone tell me if I lose any rights over the marital home and joint mortgage if I leave the house now and rent somewhere.
He is being aggressive and making threats to me and also is refusing to buy me out or sign the papers to sell. He has told me he wants to make my life miserable and also has said that if I promise not to ever see anyone else for the rest of my life he Will sign divorce papers and sell up.
Urgent advice needed.
I have booked appt with solicitor but can't get it til next Thurs.

HebeJeebie Fri 19-May-17 06:21:47

Speak to Women's Aid, they will have loads of advice for you.

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: