Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Abusive ex want to meet new partner for a pint

(52 Posts)
Littlefrogletx Mon 15-May-17 22:03:02

Wtf do i do.
Been with dp a year, he met dc earlier than we ever wanted but one of exs stupid threats was i introduced him as a bf or he would tell dc that i was a lying slag ( his words)
Ex has a harrassment notice we have no contact as he can not stop being abusive.
Last month i told him he was not to contact me again, to contact dp or write letters.
I have ptsd because of 2 years of abusive shit.
He has since we split called my parents, my neighbours etc calling me a slut etc.
Now hes decided he wants to meet new partner.
He scares the shit out of me.
He has made 6/7 malucious reports to ss.
The last time he emailed me he was calling me a shit mum etc.
I think hes going to try and badmouth me to dp.
My dc really get on with him. Ex said to.dp that kids dont say a bad word about him.
He knows he is worthy of being in their lives.
My dd9 has said her dad wants to meet the man who spends more time with her.
To add, ex is a fucking coward who has.passed dp on the garden path and couldnt look him in the eye, but has no issues sending me nasty emails.
Any thoughts?
What do i do
Ex has introduced 3 gfs to kids in a year, ive kept out of it.

MrsHathaway Mon 15-May-17 22:12:40

Police, surely.

Does DP know the details? Surely he wouldn't be interested in a cosy pint anyway?!

wheresthel1ght Mon 15-May-17 22:13:01

Ignore him, don't arrange the meeting and ensure that all contact is done via contact centre or a solicitor

MrsHathaway Mon 15-May-17 22:13:13

And how fucking dare he use dd9 for emotional blackmail!!

Shoxfordian Mon 15-May-17 22:13:30

Report him to the police

Have you told your new man about the ex? Make sure he knows how abusive he was. Do not reply to any more messages from the ex. Does he have a formal arrangement to see the children? If not can you go to Court to sort one out?

GigiBuffon Mon 15-May-17 22:13:51

[Flowers] Does DP want to meet Ex? If he knows what Ex has done to you, I think it's unlikely he'll want to meet, or if he does it to "keep the peace", it's unlikely he'll take anything ex says seriously.

GigiBuffon Mon 15-May-17 22:14:18


Littlefrogletx Mon 15-May-17 22:15:22

Hes a first class cunt.
Dp has said hes prepared to meet him. He doesnt want to be his friend.
He knows the details.
But Im going to look like a nutter if i say o dont want him to.

jeffy29 Mon 15-May-17 22:16:07

Do not give in to his attempt to regain control of your life in some way. That is what this is. Curiosity about DP is not what is motivating him. Police and I would consider calling SS for support in how to handle the pressures he will have inevitably started placing upon your children, which will no doubt escalate as they get older.

Littlefrogletx Mon 15-May-17 22:17:42

It wouldnt be a friendly chat but dp really cares about dc and prob would dp it to make them happy.
Ex thought he could badmouth me to my parents and they would side with him.
I cant forgive him for the ss shit.

LilyMcClellan Mon 15-May-17 22:17:42

No fucking way. This is just another attempt at control.

How have SS been in terms of the malicious reports? Do they see through him? What are your handover arrangements?

jeffy29 Mon 15-May-17 22:17:43

And you wont look like a nutter if you say you dont want him to. You will look like a parent choosing to control a situation that affects her children, which is as much of your DP's business as you are willing to make it. This is your call. Not either of theirs.

Littlefrogletx Mon 15-May-17 22:18:50

Oh SS just closed each report down, sometimes without even speaking to me

Reow Mon 15-May-17 22:19:39

Police. And tell him any further communications from him will be sent straight to the police.

Gingernaut Mon 15-May-17 22:19:40

Ex has a harrassment notice we have no contact as he can not stop being abusive

How is he contacting you?

Every contact must be reported to the police. He is harassing you and this is yet another way of exerting his influence.

Your DP will not think you're a nutter if you say you don't want him to meet.

FizzyGreenWater Mon 15-May-17 22:24:59

As others - report him to the police.

You just don't engage at all. Impassive. Just police.

Your DP should do the same. Total blank.

'He knows he is worthy of being in their lives' - hmm that sentence kind of worries me a little. Who the fuck gives the slightest shiniest shit if this person - surely the definition of 'worthless' - thinks your DP is 'worthy' or not? There is just a hint there of you feeling you have to 'prove' to him that you're right, that you're doing the right thing. Well you are, simply by not being with ShitBag. That's plenty. Don't ever give a fuck what his opinion is, it's a waste of air to hear it.

Report to police, do not engage with him, maybe speak to SS yourself about his antics for advice? The children do need protecting from his emotional abuse.

Ellisandra Mon 15-May-17 22:44:01

If he's not allowed to contact you, why haven't you ignored and told the police? Or was it only via your daughter? In which case, I'd speak to a solicitor about his emotional abuse of her.

Why on earth would think that you'll look like a nutter for refusing.

You know that after most even uncomplicated divorces, new partners do not meet old? Sure, some do - but it's really not the norm. And that's for decent exes! For controlling cunts with harressment orders? It's actually more nutty to meet them.

Ignore it.

noego Mon 15-May-17 23:08:07

This is psychopathic behaviour. You and DP are better being NC at all possible times.

Littlefrogletx Mon 15-May-17 23:12:50

We dont have a court order, ive never resticted access or intend to.
If he wants one he can pay
The contact we had was meant to be child only issues on a separate email address, but he descended to insults again.
He was told to contact partner or send letters. The message did have info about a medical appointment dc attended today but ex said kids want him to meet dp.
Guilt tripping me.
I dont want him anywhere near me or dp with his nasty bullying shit

Littlefrogletx Mon 15-May-17 23:15:07

Why the fuck does he think he can introduce 3 gfs to kids, i dont care i dont demand to meet them
Dcs will realise what a twat he is without me being involved

ohfourfoxache Mon 15-May-17 23:15:11

No no no no no no no.

You need to speak to the police.

Didactylos Mon 15-May-17 23:34:52

This is pure gameplaying and control from your ex starting with the emails again and ramping up with demands, getting the kids involved, guilt tripping that its about 'who spends time with his kids' when he has already tried to manipulate you and DPs relationships before, eg around the introduction of DP to your kids

Who does it benefit to have this meeting - you? your DP? How does it benefit your kids? You cannot go into this with the expectation that someone who is unreasonable and manipulative is on this one occasion going to meet up, be honest and reasonable and have a lovely polite parenting chit chat?

the only person getting what they want here is your ex.
It potentially puts your DP in a poor position too: you may trust your DP to tell you of the conversation or not believe exs lies about you but how will ex manipulate the situation? what if he provokes DP or physically attacks him, what if he accuses DP of assaulting him or other crimes, or stages some sort of scene

and you said 'ex said kids want him to meet dp'
ignore this: even if they do want dp to meet your ex, (and I strongly doubt they spontaneously came up with this idea without your ex manipulating the situation) I am sure you as a parent sometimes put your foot down and explain something is not happening or they are not getting something. This is one of these situations: kindly and age appropriately explain - no thats not going to happen because ex doesnt always behave kindly/act appropriately

You have a harrassment notice because of his behaviour: contact the police about his behaviour (emails and onwards) and ignore the request

notapizzaeater Mon 15-May-17 23:47:54

Just ignore him, sounds like a loon

comoneileen Tue 16-May-17 00:01:23

No. You do not even have to comment on your decision or reply in any ways. If pushed, you could say Dp is not available or Dp does not really want to meet.
We abusive men your only control is not to play the game.

Hissy Tue 16-May-17 00:02:42


Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: