Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

'...but at least i didn't sleep with her!'

(8 Posts)
whereisthesunshine Mon 15-May-17 21:59:36

I had to meet up with STBXH today to talk through a few things. He left for OW with whom he had an emotional affair. I discovered it. I got emotional (yes I know that's bad) and told him how much i am still hurting and how betrayed I still feel.

The thread title was his response. He absolutely did not see how it would have made fuck all of a difference. Actually, I might have dealt better with a one night stand with someone he picked up in a bar than months and months of secrecy, emotional attachment, soppy emails etc.

I don't know why I am posting to be honest. It just completely floored me. He prides himself in the fact they kept their boundaries up physically and hence it wasn't really cheating.


cheapskatemum Mon 15-May-17 22:03:59

Didn't want to read & run. You have said it, he's a Fuckwit & he's STBX. Content yourself with those thoughts. flowers

Kittencatkins123 Mon 15-May-17 22:06:23

Fuck him.
Something shittier in a way about not even having the balls to have an affair. Especially when he seems to want a fucking award.
I hope you are getting your fair share ruining him financially

MaisyPops Mon 15-May-17 22:07:11

I read something once that suggested men are more likely to forgive emotional infidelity and less likely to forgive physical infidelity. but women are more likely to forgive a one night stand than they are emotional cheating.

I'm not excusing him at all. But it might actually be a genuine belief that sex would have been worse on his part rather than him pretending he's charming.

You're better off without him though OP.

whereisthesunshine Mon 15-May-17 22:10:50

Yes deep down I know I'm better off. Interesting, Maisy, I think he might fall into this category. Cheating is not 'his style' apparently hmm

FeedMeAndTellMeImPretty Mon 15-May-17 22:23:19

That makes sense Maisy.

Sorry for what you've been through sunshine - you'd have to be made of stone not to get emotional when meeting up with him again. I know I went through phases of being resigned and calm and then getting really angry and losing my shit with XH!

You've vented at him for now, so you can go back to getting on with your life, knowing that he still doesn't realise what a prick he was and probably never will. He doesn't deserve your tears or anger, he's an emotionally stunted dick flowers

yetmorecrap Mon 15-May-17 22:24:01

I know how you feel, 6 months ago I found a ton of CDs of longing songs he had played on and recorded in our house and handwritten lyrics all about a young woman who used to work with us and whom he had shared rooms with on tour (I knew about the room sharing) this was from 11 years ago and on confrontation just before Xmas his response was , 'it was all in my head, just a fantasy, she knew nothing, nothing happened'.By nothing that to him meant sex, so the fact he had spent days recording this juvenile smush in our house over what looks like a 6 to 12 month period whilst I was out at our office running our business and he was 'working from home. ' clearly that was all tickety boo then. Since then he has said on me pushing him that 'he let me down' and feels very bad about it. Clearly with some men unless actual physical sex is involved, it really doesn't count as infidelity. He said to me this wasn't infidelity, it was a crush that went too far, that may be true but it feels like emotional infidelity to me. He starts IC this week, so we shall see.

MaisyPops Mon 15-May-17 22:25:19

I can't remember where I read it now. But i remember finding it really interesting that there was such a marked difference.
It would explain why he sees it as less of a deal than sleeping with someone. Rather than being an arse, he just totally views things the opposite way. (though obviously he's been an arse by having an OW in any capacity)

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: