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wedding question

(16 Posts)
cuddly61 Mon 15-May-17 21:03:15

ok so we have discussed getting married but the other half won't compromise on anything . i noticed that my partner wanted everything to accommodate their family even down to i couldnt take my dogs as my partners nephew didnt like dogs. but after inheriting some money last year i tried discussing it again ,again my partner would not compromise ,but then i approached the subject of cost as my partner was going on about inviting all their family which is huge with cousins,second cousins even fourth cousins ,so i asked who was paying " you can you got the money" was my partners answer .ok my partner doesnt work like me due to disability ,but to expect that i'm going to pay for everything out of my inheritance that i have put in savings accounts for when i retire and will need it . and i have only a few family members . i dont even like some of my partners family members ,who have insulted me only a few weeks ago.
so i have said its a romantic wedding at gretna green just us and two witness's or forget it. im sorry if i sound harsh but not once when discussing getting married has my partner considered what i would like its all about their family,must be a cheap hotel for the family ,must have family rooms. cant take my dogs a nephew dont like dogs. etc etc oh when we got engaged my partners mother was with me on a shopping trip i happen to be looking at engagement rings in a shop window she railroaded me inside "just to get measured" but heavily persuaded me to try a ring on,next thing i know shes asking the assistant if she can put a deposit down but then brought it saying my partner could pay her back. many times ive told my partner i do not see this ring as a engagement ring as we did not choose it together the mother did.

AuntieStella Mon 15-May-17 21:07:15

Do you actually want to be their spouse?

It's not remotely clear from what you have posted that you really do, because everything is is negative comment.

HeddaGarbled Mon 15-May-17 21:13:00

Don't get married, or at least not to this person. You've got far more problems with your relationship than compromising or not on what sort of wedding to have.

PhoenixJasmine Mon 15-May-17 21:25:34

What was your question, OP?

I agree that you probably need to address the issues in the relationship before considering getting married. A wedding is just one day. If it's not easy for you both to discuss and agree how you want to celebrate your marriage together it doesn't bode massively well for a happy life, surely?

cuddly61 Mon 15-May-17 22:34:42

thank you for your replies its helped alot to confirm what i was already thinking but thought i was wrong for thinking it.
yes i was being negative i agree there. it had me that first suggested to my partner getting married a few years ago but then i hadnt realised until later on we started discussing it my partner would not compromise on anything and was basing everything around their own family.
i felt because it had been my idea it wouldnt be right to say ok ive changed my mind . my partner seems to think marriage is a way of showing i love them but through experience i have learnt the hard way there is alot more to a relationship than just love in its own.
so onceagain thanks for your advice it has really helped .

SparklyMagpie Tue 16-May-17 09:07:30

I would not be getting married. Him and his family sound like a bunch of dicks

Justmadeperfectflapjacks Tue 16-May-17 09:11:15

The biggest amendment needed to your wedding is a different groom. .

DelphiniumBlue Tue 16-May-17 09:12:00

You really want to marry someone who can't afford to buy an engagement ring, doesn't work, isn't expecting to contribute to the wedding and is overriding your wishes?

grannytomine Tue 16-May-17 09:12:03

Don't run, you don't sound happy.

grannytomine Tue 16-May-17 09:12:38

That doesn't read right, it should be don't get married, run, you don't sound happy.

Aquamarine1029 Tue 16-May-17 12:51:35

Please don't marry this man. He has showed you time and again who he really is. Believe him.

QuirstThenching Tue 16-May-17 12:54:28

OP the man, partner the woman?

susanboozan Tue 16-May-17 19:48:25

No mention of gender of partner.... I often wonder why that is.

But anyway, sit back kick up yer heels and if you feel you still want to marry, do it in a year or two.

SpongeBobJudgeyPants Tue 16-May-17 20:01:38

I'm not sure the genders are the issue here. Sounds like an unbalanced relationship.

tissuesosoft Tue 16-May-17 20:03:42

It sounds like they are showing you an insight into married life with them- their family will always come above your wants or needs, no compromise and happy to spend your money even if you don't want to.

GoodDayToYou Tue 16-May-17 20:08:58

Run like the wind!

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