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My ex DP is being a cunt about child contact.

(24 Posts)
Tiredofstruggling1 Mon 15-May-17 17:43:25

Please help.

Recentl separated, with a 1 year old. Ex now living miles away from his child and phoning up at no notice demanding contact.

He doesn't follow my childcare or feeding requests and when alone with her, in my house, I'd often come back to hear baby screaming in distress and very unsettled. His mil tried to look after baby once and neglected to change her nappies and baby had horrific burns and welts on her back and front. It was appalling.

Last time I and baby were in his car, he collided into the kerb and had to replace his tyre and then he was driving on the motorway rattling along over 100 mph. This is not the only piece of highly dangerous driving I've seen with baby on board.

I said that is unacceptable and reckless endangerment, he is defending it.

He also calls at no notice and ignoring baby's routine and expects me to drop everything and hand baby over.

He is also violent and aggressive and flares into rage just to ask him to simply consider baby's needs and rights. He smashed his way violently into the property when I changed the locks. I'm finally riding of him.

He has no baby stuff at his house and is skint and paid no maintenance for last ten weeks, knowing that I could lose my home.

Questions : what sort of contact schedule would you offer him to start? I'm going to see a solicitor.

Tiredofstruggling1 Mon 15-May-17 17:46:29

Do I have to give contact to someone who has been subjecting me to domestic violence?

TheLegendOfBeans Mon 15-May-17 17:48:22

Don't offer him anything. Speak to solicitor first. Can't imagine his history if violence will endear him to the safeguarding team.

Mombie2016 Mon 15-May-17 17:49:03

No you don't and you will be entitled to legal aid. Do not hand your child over again! He can't make you do anything without a court order. See a solicitor. Call the police if and whenever he turns up.

FizzyGreenWater Mon 15-May-17 17:49:34

Good God, nothing at all!!

I'd be telling him to leave me the fuck alone and the main reason I'd be going to see the solicitor would be to get a restraining order.

You absolutely don't have to be separated from a young baby at all anyway - little and often contact and NO taking baby away from you especially if breastfeeding is normal.

But with his record, this with bells on and more. You are endangering your child by allowing him sole care of her. Get an order against him and tell the solicitor you will not allow contact outside of a contact centre due to violence, threatening behaviour, endangering the baby and his total lack of understanding of her needs. And until he starts proceedings to get contact do nothing else.

MsWanaBanana Mon 15-May-17 17:49:53

Best thing you can do is talk to a lawyer or someone in social services to get some advice. If he really is as bad as you say he is then he should not be looking after a child alone.

BarbarianMum Mon 15-May-17 17:59:43

He is violent and aggressive so you don't hand your baby over. You say no (call the police if he kicks off), tell him to apply for access through the courts and get yourself a good solicitor.

MissHavishamsleftdaffodil Mon 15-May-17 18:07:43

Did you take photographs of the nappy welts? Any texts? Police records of him smashing his way in? Does he have any driving offenses on his licence?

Make sure your HV knows all the details of this, gather together all the evidence you can. Make him go to court to get contact, and go prepared to prove the incidents that make you believe the baby is unsafe. Courts hear 'he said/she said' constantly and tune a lot of it out, you need as much proof as possible to show these are major, serious issues they need to listen to.

OverlyYappy Mon 15-May-17 18:14:31

No contact at all. My ex was abusive and arrogant and 6 years in he has never done anything further than send a lawyers letter.

My boys 18 & 13 want nothing to do with him.

BlahBlahBlahEtc Mon 15-May-17 18:23:00

I wouldn't leave my child with that man. What a wanker.

Tiredofstruggling1 Mon 15-May-17 18:37:48

I can't got it all on police record

Tiredofstruggling1 Mon 15-May-17 18:38:22

I have got it all, bloody autocorrect

milleniumhandandprawn Mon 15-May-17 18:39:08

In that case definitely nothing at all. And ditto the restraining order!

Tiredofstruggling1 Mon 15-May-17 18:40:56

So should I get a lawyer to get a restraining order and tell him he is not having unsupervised contact and no overnight stays with him or his disgusting family and also when he is suddenly free and wants to come over should I just say I'm out and I require 48 hrs notice of any agreed contact?

TheLegendOfBeans Mon 15-May-17 18:42:21

Just tell the lawyer what you've told us.

I doubt you'll need to ask for a restraining order; I can't imagine they'd support him having any unsupervised contact given his violent history.

BeautifulLiar Mon 15-May-17 18:44:08

Get women's aid and social services on side x

Justmadeperfectflapjacks Mon 15-May-17 18:45:12

No contact full stop. . How ever much bloody notice!! That's his family nc either. .
Let him try and convince a judge he is df material. .
And contact cms.

AyeAmarok Mon 15-May-17 18:45:51

Don't "offer" anything. He can take it to court if he wants contact, then I'd suggest it starts with the help of a contact centre supervising him and your DD.

Does he have a job? If so, get in touch with the Child Maintenance Service ASAP.

AyeAmarok Mon 15-May-17 18:47:35

Also, only communicate in writing, NO PHONE CALLS. All in writing.

Preferably, block his mobile number so he can't call you, and then only communicate by email.

kaitlinktm Mon 15-May-17 18:49:00

also when he is suddenly free and wants to come over should I just say I'm out and I require 48 hrs notice of any agreed contact?

NO! He can't come over, he can't have contact - don't say you are out, that means that if you were in, he could have contact. If he wants contact he needs to ask the courts - and judging by what you have said they would refuse. In fact I think he probably wouldn't even bother asking as so far he has been able to bully you.

You really do need to see a solicitor asap. Can you ring Women's Aid now?

juneau Mon 15-May-17 18:49:52

Absolutely no contact OP. This guy sounds dangerous and your baby would quite possibly be at risk in his care. Thank goodness you have it all catalogued with the police. Definitely see a solicitor and seek whatever you can to get him far away from you and your DC.

Marmalade85 Mon 15-May-17 18:49:57

The police referred me to the National Centre of Domestic Violence and they organised all the paperwork for a non-molestation order for free and arranged a legal aid solicitor. Go to the child support agency for maintenance, it's free to apply if there's a history of domestic violence. Tell your ex to apply for a Child Arrangements Order and you'll see him in court. You don't have to do mediation first if there's been domestic violence.

FizzyGreenWater Mon 15-May-17 18:50:14

The restraining order would mean that he CAN'T suddenly want to come over. Or he'll end up in a police cell!

Don't even contact him, at all.

See the lawyer and tell them what you've told us. Then block him, he won't be allowed to come near you and that includes anything to do with the baby. If his family have threatened you too, tell the lawyer - they can all be prevented from coming near you. Then, if he wants contact, he has to wait until court hears the case and decides. It's doubtful he will. If he does take it to court, you'll be there detailing why he should only have a contact centre.

FizzyGreenWater Mon 15-May-17 18:52:14

... in the meantime, until the case is heard, no he will not be able to see the baby at all as the baby is with you and you have a restraining order out on him.

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