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Stress or should we split?(4 Posts)
We recently moved to a new area, 300 miles away from all our family and friends so we could buy a house. I like the area and people are friendly but the house needs a lot of work and we need to find jobs, and I am finding it hard being so far from my family (I was a SAHM to our 2 year old and used to spend a couple of days a week with my sister and my nephew who is a similar age to DD). DD is not a great sleeper, she is much much better now than she used to be, but I'm still only getting 5-6 hours sleep a night, and this morning she woke up at 4am and wouldn't go back to sleep.
DH and I keep arguing. To be honest we have always argued, but I'm finding it much harder to deal with now that we have DD, I feel bad that she is hearing and seeing this. This morning DH at about 7 (we sleep in separate rooms, DD in with me) said I should go back to bed and he would take her downstairs. He got up, fell over a toy in a really exaggerated way and then got up and punched a chest of draws. DD was crying 'whats wrong Daddy' so I got annoyed, shouted at him that I was sick of this and that I was leaving. He stayed in bed since then and I'm downstairs watching crap tv with DD. He has form for punching objects when we argue (not people) but I also have form for shouting and threatening to leave. I want to try and make a go of this, but I do miss my family and he is not helping. He stays in bed most mornings, and then says he doesn't have anything to get up for as he doesn't have a job yet. This pisses me off as I'm still doing my 'job' of looking after DD. He also says I'm overreacting to what happened this morning and that DD didn't see him punching things but she was close by and I really don't want her growing up with this. Any views or advice welcome, not sure what I should do
What do you get out of this relationship now?. What is in this now for you?.
Whose idea was it in the main to buy a house that needs work 300 miles away from your support, was it his?. And neither of you have jobs?.
BTW punching objects is also an indicator of domestic violence within the home, its a short step between punching objects and then potentially punching you. Your child is seeing and hearing all this (and perhaps far more than you care to realise to boot) and is already being profoundly affected by all this too. This is what she is learning about relationships from you both.
If you really do not want her to grow up with all this then you will have to make good on your threat to leave this man. if you make such things and not follow them through then he will never take you at all seriously.
What do you want to teach her about relationships and what did you yourself learn about relationships when growing up?.
He inherited some money, and our landlord decided to sell the house we rented so we thought we would find somewhere that we could buy a house outright and have much less financial pressure. So, we found a place here, we went for the one I liked but in hindsight I wish we'd gone for somewhere that needs less work. I did have quite a few wobbles before we finalised the purchase, and he did say we could pull out if I wanted to, but I couldn't see a way we could have stayed where we were without wasting the inheritance money.
He doesn't take me seriously with my threats to leave, but I'm so tired all the time I find it difficult to see it through. And it is partly because I miss my family. He knows that if he ever hit me DD and I would be out the door
He says he feels bad and like he pushed me into coming up here but I did have amble opportunity to change my mind.
My parents argued a lot because of money stress when I was growing up. They are still together and happy now they're not under the same stress (though they still bicker)
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