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Just together for the baby?

(12 Posts)
SparklePony Mon 15-May-17 03:59:15

I know that staying together just for the kids is never good but our baby is 6 months old and I just don't think I could cope alone . I love him but our relationship is complicated because he is foreign and struggling to get a visa for the UK. I am currently in his country and I hate it. I am facing the fact that I will probably be a single mum. What would you do?

jeaux90 Mon 15-May-17 06:43:37

When my dd was 1 I left her father. We were living in the gulf. When she was 2 I moved back to the uk. Being a single parent is way better than being in a shit relationship.

I moved back to where I was loved and supported. My dd is now 8.

It was the best decision I ever made.

SparklePony Mon 15-May-17 07:26:15

Which gulf? So you stayed there without her dad? Was that hard? Does she ever see her dad now?

My son has such a great relationship with his dad. Breaks my heart to split them up but I know it is important that he has a happy mum!

category12 Mon 15-May-17 07:44:26

Can you really face 18 years of your life like this?

category12 Mon 15-May-17 07:45:17

Are you actually able to leave the country you're in with your child if the father says no?

Cricrichan Mon 15-May-17 07:56:37

Is it where you live that you're struggling with or him? Where do you live? Where was the baby born?

jeaux90 Mon 15-May-17 08:01:18

I was in Qatar so leaving the country with my kid was a negotiation. I had a work permit so getting my own place out there in the interim wasn't a problem

SparklePony Mon 15-May-17 08:05:49

Its where I live that I'm struggling with. Its very hard for him to come to the UK with immigration the way it is now. We are in Thailand. No problem for me to leave with baby. I love his dad and I think we could be happy together but the visa issues etc really put a strain on our relationship. Baby was born in UK. We have only been here for 3 weeks so its still early days and I guess I need to be more patient...

beingsunny Mon 15-May-17 08:13:00

I'm are you English?
3 weeks in a foreign country isn't any time.

Have you looked up ex pat parent groups?
You may find some friendly support there is a big ex pat community there

jeaux90 Mon 15-May-17 08:45:20

Yes, give it time but if you really don't like it then you need a plan b.

Are you married? Do you have support from his family?

If you moved back to the UK could you get a good job? Would your DH be the SAHP?

I ask because when I mov d back as a single parent I had a job. I managed to get a visa for my nanny she is from the Philippines. As a single mum I pointed out in the application I couldn't work without her.

5 years later (annual visas) she now has her full resident permit in process.

SparklePony Mon 15-May-17 09:23:26

It would take me time to get a decent job and I definitely couldn't afford a nanny. We are married and both our families are very supportive. I need to give it more time and see what happens. My flight is booked back in a few months anyway so can leave if I'm really unhappy then. Thanks for your advice xx

jeaux90 Mon 15-May-17 10:20:05

The nanny point was about visas. If you wanted to move back and still be together but you have concerns about him getting one then the point is about him being the sahp. It all helps build an immigration case.

Personally I would consult a specialist in immigration. I would secure a job before you moved back like I did. Job contract is evidence.

In the meantime, do try and find some ex pat social stuff it does help. That said after three years in the gulf I couldn't wait to get back.

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