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How can I get him to realise I'm trying my best ?

(13 Posts)
littlenamechanges Sun 14-May-17 21:36:39

My dp is forever moaning about jobs that need doing around the home and garden. He hasn't always been like this and up until a few years back we would share all the jobs. It's all gone worse since our twins were born 2 years ago. He seems think now I am mummy I can do all the jobs and some. I'm really struggling and have been since the twins were born. I try and keep the house up together but with toddler twins I'm constantly tidying up and chasing after. They are both terrible sleepers and I feel the past 2 years have all been a blur. I'm nonstop all day and up most the night seeing to them yet he still moans that I need to be cleaning this or tidying that! How can I get through to him how hard I'm working all the time? It's exhausting sad

littlenamechanges Sun 14-May-17 21:38:05

Just to add he does work full time but has done for many years so it's not like he's doing more than he was work wise.

Justmadeperfectflapjacks Sun 14-May-17 21:38:38

Get a cleaner.
You are a dm x2!!
Can't imagine 2x2yo and trying to do housework!!

junebirthdaygirl Sun 14-May-17 21:44:14

Two different friends have twins. Said they didnt come up for air for a few years as it was so intense. He is being unfair. Do you go off on saturdays and leave him to cook as well as tpddler care and tidying. My df who has twins says the best thing about it..looking back..was he had to be a completelu hands on dad at all times as there is no choice when there is two.
I would make sure to cook every day..run around a bit tidying but definitely no gardening unless it was to keep the twins amused.

Wolfiefan Sun 14-May-17 21:45:43

Leave him for a weekend with a list of all the jobs that need doing. See how much he gets done whilst looking after the kids.
If things need doing perhaps he should get off his arse and get them done.

ILoveDolly Sun 14-May-17 21:48:55

You can't make him 'see'. Just be firm because he clearly has no idea. Maybe find someone to invite you away for the weekend, remind him of all the jobs that need doing, then go away for at least two days. It is only by regularly leaving my husband with the children that he has become aware that one does not simply mow a lawn, paint a chair and russle up a casserole whilst caring for small children.

littlenamechanges Sun 14-May-17 22:11:13

The thing is when he does watch them for a few hours when I come back they are happy and he's tidied the living room so everything will seem in order. It does make me feel like I'm slacking a bit but I just do not have enough time in a day. Every day without fail he will have a home cooked dinner ready for him at 6:30. Recently he's been moaning about how much stuff we have but to be honest the twins don't have that much toys but he seems to think more than one teddy each the rest should be given away. I try minimise the amount of stuff in the house but it's just never good enough!

madcatwoman61 Sun 14-May-17 22:22:21

Go away for the weekend, leave him in charge. See how he copes on his own

Oneggshellsallthetime Sun 14-May-17 22:43:57

"The thing is when he does watch them for a few hours when I come back they are happy and he's tidied the living room so everything will seem in order. It does make me feel like I'm slacking a bit but I just do not have enough time in a day."

That's all very well, and good for him... but 'a few hours' is a different beastie to all day, every week day. And if you're the one seeing to your twins at night then of course your ability to get it all done to his standards during the day is compromised. So, please don't think of yourself as slacking!

Oneggshellsallthetime Mon 15-May-17 05:33:45

Ooh - apologies - that should have read as 'his' standards.

UserThenLotsOfNumbers Mon 15-May-17 05:35:30

He can get proactive, and arrange and pay for a cleaner.

mylaptopismylapdog Mon 15-May-17 06:32:46

How would feel if after a difficult day expending a lot of energy you came into work and told him his desk was untidy.Did he honestly think there would be no mess with two toddlers in the house! I think he needs a reality check about parenthood and to appreciate the energy needed to look after two children day after day rather than oncein a while. Toys help young kids learn and keep them occupied for goodness sake.

mycatloveslego Mon 15-May-17 06:45:58

I agree with madcat, you need to leave him alone with them for at least a full day, and ideally a night too, so that he has to manage mealtimes/bath/bedtime/night settling on his own. The only way he will understand what it's like Day in day out is if he experiences it himself.
And if you can afford it, get a cleaner. Your job is being the twins mummy, not a domestic slave.

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