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Why is daughter's father hiding he has a girlfriend?

(7 Posts)
user1487090235 Sun 14-May-17 18:47:29

I'm not sure what to think. Me and my daughter's dad where seeing each other just briefly but amounted to nothing, but I got pregnant. He then moved to sweeden for work and I was unable to get hold of him.
I found him on social media when my daughter was 7 months old back in October and I told him about the situation. He was very supportive and excited and immidetely flew to the UK to see her. Since then, he sees her every week, he pays a good amount of child support, she has met all of his family etc. He is really in love with her so much so that he's got a new job back in the UK and moves back in a matter of weeks.
In December we had sex, he said it "just happened" since then I have not had sex with him but things get flirty between us (he will touch my bum/breasts or make comments about his body etc) but nothing more has happened.
Shortly after we slept together, I found out he had a girlfriend who he had been with since 2 months after our daughter was conceived so almost two years now. She doesn't live with him as she also lives and works in a different country but goes down to see him for a week a month. I found out on social media and found photos of them together and her referencing him as her boyfriend. I confronted him and refused to speak to him so he got his sister to contact me. I told his sister I had slept with him and was annoyed that he did not tell me he had a girlfriend as had I knew, I wouldn't have slept with him. She said she understood this was bad and would have a word with him. I started speaking to him again and he denied everything still saying he did not have a girlfriend. I just decided to leave it as there was nothing more sexual between us anyway and focus on his relationship with our daughter.
However, the topic has came up in conversation several times, he makes a big deal out of the fact he doesn't have a girlfriend (with out me asking) and says about how he is "the only single one out of his friends". She is his background on his laptop (again which I have not brought up) and she always posts pictures and her location status at his house. When I stayed there with my daughter in sweeden, I was looking for the dummies for my daughter and found valentine's cards from her he had hidden in a cupboard.

I just don't get why he doesn't tell me as we do not have sex (since the one time) although things do get flirty and there feels like there is something between us at times, I try to ignore this because I know the truth. I don't want to rock the boat by bringing it up again as I'd rather just focus on his relationship with my daughter. I just don't know why he would hide this from me. Aslong as he didn't bring her around my daughter yet then I couldn't care less if he had a girlfriend.

Justmadeperfectflapjacks Sun 14-May-17 18:51:24

Maybe he selfishly thinks if you think he is single then you will also stay single and he can try his luck again in the future.
And you have admitted stroking his ego. . . Stop this for you own self respect.

AnyFucker Sun 14-May-17 18:55:25

Stop "flirting" with him then. Stop letting him touch you sexually.

Keep any communication strictly about your shared child. Looks like you are both into the drama here, tbh.

user1487090235 Sun 14-May-17 18:56:49

I don't stroke his ego, by making comments on his body I mean he will be getting dressed and will say something to me like "I know you want to look" then will turn round to me and make flirty comments like that. Back when he first found out about the situation he said "we can still have sex, you're my baby mum now so it comes with the contract" something I laughed off as I assumed it was a joke. Maybe he thinks just because we have a child together it's ok to continue having sex regardless if he's in a relationship or not. I don't know

contrary13 Sun 14-May-17 19:12:05

You deserve better than this. Your daughter deserves better than this. His girlfriend deserves better than this.

Why does he deny her? Because he wants to keep you on the back-burner, I'm afraid. A case of "wanting to have his cake, and eat it, too". If you're not still having sex with your daughter's biological father... why are you watching him as he gets dressed?

That comment about you being his "baby mama" was/is degrading and meant to put you in your place. Do you want to waste your life on a "man" who will never love you, never be there for you physically or emotionally, and who has a girlfriend and has done for the last two years already?

Please get some counselling, OP, because you sound very low on self-esteem. It might help you develop the dignity and self-respect that you need to shepherd your daughter through life, whilst setting a good example to her as regarding morals and how to behave towards a man who is already involved with a woman that isn't you...

AnyFucker Sun 14-May-17 19:25:16

If you hang around with a tool who uses phrases like "baby mama" you deserve all you get, quite frankly

Kittencatkins123 Sun 14-May-17 19:41:03


Agree with PPs - he's a selfish using twat. Pull up the drawbridge.

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