I need to question myself because although I am independent and wise enough to realise it is probably not acceptable behaviour, I feel like I need to know that I am not alone in this because I am being made to feel like I am at fault with everything.
After logging in today, I noticed the top thread and had a good read, it's amazing that someone has written that to support other women/men going through shit relationships, but it is easier said that done.
What has prompted me to write this thread is the passive aggressive argument I just had with my fiancé, and the realisation that he was never like this before we had our son (2 years old).
We came back home after dropping my dad off and I came into the kitchen to finish washing up and was going to start making lunch for us. We are a bit scrapped for cash till pay day at the end of this week, so it's usually putting food we find in the fridge together and making it work! My fiancé asked what was for lunch I said I would make a toastie. He asked what with, I said ham. He moaned that he had pork for breakfast (I made him a bacon and egg sandwich), and we were going to have pork for dinner and so he didn't want pork for lunch. Now, he is very hard to please and most of the time won't have a meat for dinner if he's had that for lunch, he wants 'variety'. Well when we are skint and need to use up the food until pay day, I'm afraid that's what I was going to make. He said, well you don't suggest anything different like an omelette or some soup, I said I can make an omelette and we do have a tin of soup actually. He said no, I will have the beef burger that's in the freezer you will have to grill it. I looked at him in disbelief, because it's not like he asked me nicely, he went on and on just nagging and bringing up other nonsense. I walked away pottering about and he just came up to me and said, I expect you to make me lunch.
Since having our son, I can count on one hand how many times he has cooked for us. And when I cook, most of the time there's a complaint about something.
I just looked at him in disbelief and just went up to the bedroom and started crying. He waited a while and eventually realised I was going to make him food, so he's now left to go somewhere.
I would never have put up with this, and various other demanding behaviours of his, but I find myself becoming more and more submissive because I don't want my son to grow up in a household with constant fighting, as I did. So I just want to keep the piece, even though he's just chipping away at me until there is nothing left of me. We get married in a few months, and I'm just enjoying doing the craft for the wedding, I'm not really excited about the actual marriage. I feel like it's doomed already. We have spoken so many times about this and how he's made me feel, I even went (and still on) anti-depressants, I feel like I have completely lost myself and what I stood for before we had our DS. I'm a true feminist yet I can't stand up to this.
Is it normal then men expect you to change once you have children, and does anybody else's SO need to have different types of food in a day cause I'm going out of my mind!
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
How common is it that men behave like this?
Jtaylor143 · 14/05/2017 16:25
DO NOT MARRY THIS MAN. Really. What is the point. You and your DS could be happy without putting up with this. Don't live in a house with constant arguing either -- just go.
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