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Just found out friend has not one but three long-term lovers

(27 Posts)
unshockableshocked Sun 14-May-17 15:25:05

As the title says. A close friend has admitted that she has three lovers who she sees from time to time, and it's been going on for years. She sees them more as friends with benefits I think.

She is married, happily I thought, but says she wasn't at the time that this started. All her lovers are married too. I'm just so stunned, and wonder if you can ever really know a person. She's the last woman I'd have thought to be involved in something like this. Her husband doesn't know, and I don't know him well. Just shocked, really.

loveyoutothemoon Sun 14-May-17 15:31:52

It'll backfire...she's asking for trouble.

Expect her sob stories.

FaFoutis Sun 14-May-17 15:33:46

Once you know these things you can't unknow them.
Now she has told you keep your distance or you will get involved.

unshockableshocked Sun 14-May-17 15:35:32

I just feel this is all going to come crashing down around her sad

UserThenLotsOfNumbers Sun 14-May-17 15:35:35

@FaFoutis Indeed.
I wonder why your friend has chosen to tell you now?
Who knows what goes on behind closed doors.

user93483098350593850000 Sun 14-May-17 15:38:44

Would love her energy, if not her lifestyle grin.

UserThenLotsOfNumbers Sun 14-May-17 15:39:55

@user93483098350593850000 lol

unshockableshocked Sun 14-May-17 15:40:38

grin at User!

The mere thought of the intrigue and deception of it all exhausts me!

FaFoutis Sun 14-May-17 15:49:11

I bet she's grown a bit too fond of one of them and now wants to talk about him. That's just the start.

josuk Sun 14-May-17 16:15:52

MN is interesting this way.
Somtomes I wonder how honest are the people on this site. Or, if people with alternative views - just don't bother trying.

I am in my mid 40s. Many marriages around me are unhappy, or stale.
Some women I know are having affairs. Some are happier that way.
Some will potentially divorce.
Others will stay together.
A small number so far divorced.

It's not shocking. It's just life.

BartholinsSister Sun 14-May-17 16:22:56

I would have thought keeping three 'long-term' lovers on the go would require a married person to maintain absolute discretion. Sharing with friends is probably not a wise move.

EssentialHummus Sun 14-May-17 16:26:22

Sounds exhausting tbh. But, yes, keep it to yourself and expect things to go wrong at some point.

CheersMedea Sun 14-May-17 16:57:01

I just feel this is all going to come crashing down around her

It may do but it may not do.

I work in a male dominated world where lots of "happily married" men have affairs - and never have any come back at all. Their wives believe they are faithful - genuinely believe it - and would be in the group of "I'm so shocked" if they knew.

I know one man at least who has as similar set up to your friend, he has several regular sexual partners - two of which are old gfs who reconnected with him via social media websites - one of which he has been seeing since 2009 and one is a woman he works with regularly.

Stereotypical but true - probably less common for married women to have multiple partners in this way.

It is generally true that everyone (particularly women here who have been cheated on or seen their friend's lives devastated by cheating) hopes that life provides karma and "what goes around comes around." Sadly that's just not true. Plenty of people get away with this and ALOT worse.

niangua Sun 14-May-17 17:10:36

There've been a few of these threads lately. Not all affairs "end in tears", "come crashing down", "get found out", "leave you feeling used" and all the rest of it.

She seems happy, so that's basically that.

Weird she told you. That's usually the first step to fucking up the system and getting found out.

tccat Sun 14-May-17 17:20:19

I think people with alternative views or whom are in this position don't really post due to the backlash they would get on here
There's a very black and white view on adultery, it's not always a bad thing

UserThenLotsOfNumbers Sun 14-May-17 17:32:43

Have you considered maybe it's got to much for her and she wants to be caught - I've seen this happen before.

unshockableshocked Sun 14-May-17 17:49:08

Interesting input from people. I must add that while I was shocked, I'm not being judgemental. Maybe that's why she told me because she knew I wouldn't be.

FaFoutis Sun 14-May-17 17:58:01

Then why didn't she tell you before?

Dawnedlightly Sun 14-May-17 18:01:36

Is she French?

unshockableshocked Sun 14-May-17 18:02:29

No, but I'm half French!

squoosh Sun 14-May-17 18:04:02

She must be very organised indeed.

unshockableshocked Sun 14-May-17 18:06:03

Indeed, Squoosh. I find it hard enough dealing with one husband and two kids!

Dawnedlightly Sun 14-May-17 18:08:35

Aha- she told you because she thought you'd be more sympathetic than us uptight Brits. wink
Whatever the rights and wrongs I'd now wonder whether things are about to get complicated and that all is not as peachy as she suggests.

squoosh Sun 14-May-17 18:12:16

Maybe she told you because she's in need of a P.A to schedule the assignations into her diary.

'Find a window for James some time the week commencing the 21st'

flumpybear Sun 14-May-17 18:16:47

Each to their own - perhaps that's just her, she's not a Monogamous type of person - perhaps she's not told you because you'll likely judge her lifestyle - who cares as long as it's not with my husband anyway lol 😂----

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